


To Walk in the Light

by Tedronai



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-26 20:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 81,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tedronai/pseuds/Tedronai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some say that there is no man who walks so deep in the Shadow that they could not be brought back to the Light. A man wakes up to the world after the Last Battle with no memory of his previous life. With the help of an Aes Sedai of the Yellow Ajah he sets out to find his past - only to find that sometimes, ignorance is bliss. AMoL spoilers, obviously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I was dissatisfied with the fate of my favourite character in the series and so this is me giving him another chance. I hope I can also make it an enjoyable read.

He woke up in pain, and for a time, pain was all he knew. He was nobody, nowhere, just a fragment of awareness balanced on the counterpoint between consciousness and oblivion, reluctant to make an effort to pursue the former and the increased pain it might bring, yet afraid to let go and surrender to the latter. In the end - he couldn’t have said how long it took - pride was the deciding factor in the struggle. He could take the pain, it told him, and perhaps death wasn’t such a bad option either, but he couldn’t simply give in to oblivion without even remembering his own name.

He gasped and his eyes fluttered open. The sudden exposure to sunlight triggered a hammering pain in his skull and, with a faint groan, he let his eyes close again. He lay still, now aware of the hard, uneven, rocky ground beneath him and the wind sweeping over him. He tried to steel himself for another attempt at discovering where he was, but darkness claimed him before he could make the attempt.

 

The next time he regained consciousness he couldn’t see a thing. After a moment of panic he realised that it didn’t necessarily mean that he was blind, just that the sun had gone down. It felt colder - not that he could have been sure of such a thing - and he began shivering violently. Survival instinct kicked in; he couldn’t stay there if he wanted to live. That nobody had found him until now meant that probably nobody ever would. He just had to get up and move by himself.

He tried moving his limbs cautiously to see whether anything was broken. A sharp pain jolted through his left arm, but otherwise his body seemed functional enough. Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself up into a sitting position with the support of his right hand and inspected his surroundings. He still couldn’t see much, but his eyes had grown used to the darkness and he could make out the general shape of the landscape around him.

He had been lying in a depression in the ground, a rocky spot in the middle of what appeared to be a lush field a little way off the edge of a glade of impossibly tall trees. A sardonic half-smile tugged at one corner of his mouth. Of course he couldn’t have managed to pass out on the soft grass not two yards from his location.

Which begged the question… How had he come to pass out anywhere on this field, anyway?

 

He fought down a rising wave of panic as he realised he had no idea. He shook his head sharply - a gesture he immediately regretted as it set off a near-blinding headache - and tried to focus his thoughts. His condition suggested a fight, and that he had been left lying alone suggested that his comrades must have given him up for dead. If he had had comrades. Perhaps he had been travelling alone and been set upon by bandits? He did a quick search; he didn’t appear to have anything valuable on him, no purse or jewellery or weapons. So he could have been robbed. The pain in his head could mean that he had been hit - head trauma sometimes resulted in memory loss. The thought calmed him down somewhat.

He hoped that the memory loss was temporary. He firmly refused to think about the alternative. He needed to not be falling apart in hysterics if he wanted to live.

He stood up - the process took more time than he would have liked and left him dizzy and trembling with the effort. He was even weaker than he’d initially thought. How long had he been unconscious? He pushed the thought from his mind - he had no way of getting answers right now - and assessed the situation. He could stand. He could probably walk, at least for a while. And doing so would more likely increase than decrease his chances of survival. He still had no idea where he was - or where he should have been, for that matter - but he figured that it was useless to worry about directions when any direction could, to the best of his knowledge, be as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ as any other.

He picked a direction and started off.

 

He walked for a time, sat down to rest, got up and walked some more, and repeat. A part of him wanted to conserve his strength, while another part reasoned that without water and food he was only going to grow weaker if he waited around long enough. He was hurting all over so that he barely paid mind to any individual aches. He thought the left arm was feeling worse than it had when he had started walking, but he couldn’t be sure. A small voice at the back of his mind whispered ‘infection’, but he silenced it. He didn’t need the distraction - couldn’t afford it, in fact.

 

He had been walking for what felt like weeks but could only have been hours - the night wasn’t yet over - when he saw the fire. It was but a dim glow but bright to his eyes that were used to the darkness. He knew he could not afford to wonder whether the fire’s owner would be friendly or hostile; if he didn’t get help, he would be dead anyway.

He made his way towards the light with excruciating pace; he almost began to believe that it was a hallucination, the way it never seemed to come any closer. Twice he fell, and the second time it was all he could do to force himself up again. Stars swam across his vision and he stood still for a long while, breathing raggedly, holding on to consciousness by sheer force of will. But eventually he was able to continue walking.

 

He was perhaps a hundred paces from the source of the light when his knees folded and he landed hard on the ground. The impact sent a fresh jolt of pain through his injured arm and for a moment he could just lie still, gasping for breath. He knew with a sinking feeling that he wouldn’t get up again; he barely had the strength to lift his head to glare at the light, so close but it might have been on the far side of the Spine of the World.

The idea of calling out for help didn’t sit well with his pride, he found; what a ridiculous thing to be even thinking about in his situation! He should have been more worried about whether he could make enough sound to be heard.

“Hello?” he called out; his voice sounded weak to his own ears, yet at once loud in the stillness of the night. He couldn’t begin to guess whether it carried far enough. After a few more minutes he was no longer sure if he had actually managed to call out or whether he had just imagined doing so. “Is there somebody there?” he tried again, although his mouth was so dry that the words were most likely completely unintelligible.

 

The sound of footsteps might have been just his imagination. In fact they probably were; he dared not get his hopes up. The voice that spoke seemed to come from very far away and the words made no sense. He wondered idly whether he was hallucinating an actual foreign language or just total gibberish.

The sensation of a cool, soft hand brushing his hair from his face felt startlingly real. He forced his eyes open once more - when had he closed them? - and tried to focus on the glowing figure looking down at him. With an enormous effort he could make out a face - the glow was from a ball of light floating somewhat to the left of the face - the expression was concerned but calm and composed.

“Don’t be afraid,” the voice - real, he dared finally believe it was real - said. “You’ll live.”

Darkness claimed him.


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blimey, I think this is the first time I've ever written about a Yellow Aes Sedai. And I know her reason to be in the Field of Merrilor is lame as hell. This just isn't starting off as well as I'd hoped. But I think it's picking up now...

She remembered the pain. She doubted she would ever forget it - and she didn’t want to, for it served to remind her of the price of pushing herself too far. It was a lesson any Aes Sedai would do well to remember, even those who had never themselves gone too far.

She remembered the exact moment she had burned herself out. She had been exhausted, but so had everyone else and there had been people who needed Healing, people who could rejoin the fight and perhaps make a difference if they were just Healed… She could remember the face of the soldier she had been treating. He had been young, not unpleasant to look at had he not been covered in blood. She had drawn on the True Source to mend the damage to his sword arm - _saidar_ had nearly slipped away from her in her exhaustion but she had held on - and she had channelled and…

Then nothing.

Then next thing she remembered was the soldier holding her up, yelling for a Healer, but there was nothing anyone could do for her. Her ability had been gone, and what little sympathy her Yellow Sisters had been able to spare had been tinted with annoyance; why had she not been more careful? Now she had just made herself useless in the middle of the bloody Tarmon Gai’don. Erin Davian of the Yellow Ajah had become merely another civilian, and too dazed with shock to be marginally useful to boot.

 

She had been Healed, of course. Some days after the battle, the Asha’man Damer Flinn had Healed Erin, along with Annoura of the Grey Ajah and a Green sister who had burned out on the battlefield. Nynaeve Mandragoran of Erin’s own Ajah had offered similar services to the two Asha’man who had suffered the same fate and lived. That such a thing - Healing someone who had been cut off from the True Source! - was possible still filled Erin with awe.

And that, in some twisted way, had led to her being out in the Field of Merrilor this night. The place was calm and peaceful, there were no outward signs that the place had been the setting for the greatest battle in known history. The remains of the hordes of Shadowspawn had decomposed rapidly once Light had triumphed, it was as if the earth itself had swallowed them and rain had washed away the blood and filth of battle, leaving the lush green fields that she could see now.

She hadn’t actually been there during the battle; she had been stationed in Mayene, tending to the wounded as was fitting for someone of her Ajah. The glade of giant trees raised by the presence of the Dragon Reborn was, to her mind, comparable to the miracle of Healing stilling, and she had wanted to see those great trees again. It was not something she could rationally explain, but she had followed the urge regardless. Only the Head of her own Ajah was likely to even notice her absence from the Tower as something out of the usual, and Suana would understand that she was still recovering from the shock of what had happened to her. She had not had a Warder for twenty years, and she had no friends close enough that they would be keeping track of her comings and goings.

 

She had set camp some way from the towering trees. She was alone, except for her trusty mare Lily, but she was not afraid to settle down to sleep. She had wards around the campsite to warn her about intruders, not that she expected to be bothered here of all places, and more wards made sure the campfire was contained and safe to leave burning through the night. She set her bedroll down and stretched out and closed her eyes…

And bolted upright, looking around with wide eyes. She _had_ heard something, she was sure of it. She was _not_ jumping at shadows. The fire didn’t light the night very far, and because of its brightness the darkness beyond its radius seem all the more impenetrable.

“Who’s there?” she called out. She was not afraid, precisely. Just… startled. For a while there was no response, but she strained her ear and finally thought she heard a human voice from the darkness.

 

She embraced _saidar_ and channelled a small sphere of light and set out into the direction where she thought she had heard the voice. She didn’t see him until she nearly tripped over him; he was lying still, barely breathing, and didn’t seem aware of her as she crouched next to him.

“Hey?” she said softly. “Can you hear me?”

No response. She moved the light closer to see more clearly and laid her hand on his forehead to Delve him for injuries; his skin was feverishly hot. The touch made him stir; his eyes flickered open but his gaze was unfocused. Erin gave him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t be afraid,” she said. “You’ll live.”

Delving told her that his left arm was broken and that he was weak from dehydration and the fever, but there didn’t seem to be any major injuries aside from the arm, just bruising and minor cuts all over his body. There was, however, a vague feeling of wrongness about him, but she couldn’t put a finger on it. She ignored it for the time being, however, as she needed to focus on Healing the physical damage that she could do something about. She wove the weaves of Spirit and Water and Air, and his body convulsed as the weave did its work. Then he became still. She wrapped him up in flows of Air and carried him to her campfire. His body was too weak to generate warmth on its own until she could get some food into him; she needed to keep him warm.

 

She sat watching him by the firelight. He was clearly Saldaean, that much was evident from his colouring and the high cheekbones and the slightly tilted eyes. He was rather good-looking, even though she had always thought most Saldaeans looked pretty much alike. At least this one didn’t have the ridiculous moustache that most of them sported… No, he was clean-shaven and handsome, if currently somewhat pale beneath the dirt covering his face.

Her curiosity was piqued despite herself. Now that she could be relatively sure he was going to live, she had time to speculate. Where had he come from? Surely he couldn’t be a soldier left behind from the battle? Could he have survived out here in this condition for so long? It had been over a week. But that was the most logical explanation for his presence and condition. Erin squinted her eyes and tried to make out whether he was wearing some kind of a uniform. It didn’t look like that of late Davram Bashere’s soldiers, but it was so dirty that even the colour was debatable. Black or some other colour dark enough that a bit of mud and dust and blood made it appear black. And… Was that embroidery that she could see lining the collar? She channelled a trickle of water and air to clean a part of the fabric to reveal silver thread. No common soldier, then. _Interesting…_

 

She stifled a yawn. Dawn couldn’t be far, she had better try to get some sleep while she had the chance. With a discreet weave of Spirit she made sure that her strange companion would sleep soundly until morning; as much as she didn’t believe he was a threat, she had to admit that a woman alone could never be too cautious. She wrapped her cloak tightly around her - she had surrendered the bedroll to her unconscious guest - and lay down on the grass.

 

~*~

 

She woke up to a snort from Lily. She sat up and straightened her hair - it was too short to properly braid and simply refused to stay neat through the night. A quick look around alerted her to what had alarmed the horse; her guest was awake. He was watching her warily with dark, intelligent eyes.

“Good morning,” she said with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

A frown creased his brow and he seemed to consider the question. “Alive,” he eventually concluded. His voice was rough, as if from lack of use, and he seemed tense, as if ready to bolt at the first sign of danger.

Erin shook her head in amusement. “I suppose that is an accurate assessment, if not horribly precise.” She took a waterskin out of her pack and offered it to him. “I Healed you,” she continued. “Your body will need to build up its strength again, but you’ll be fine as long as you eat properly the next few days.”

“Healed…” The man seemed to consider the information. “You’re an Aes Sedai.” It was not a question, but there was something in his voice when he said it…

“I am indeed,” she said, hoping the man wasn’t going to decide it was a problem. She hated arguing with ignorant people.

“You don’t look-” he started, then cut off. “I’m sorry. It was probably something I shouldn’t have brought up.”

Erin fought her expression under control but she knew that the remembered pain had showed on her face. On her plain, youthful face that bore no sign of the Aes Sedai agelessness. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I am an Aes Sedai regardless of my face.” She held out her hand with the Great Serpent ring.

Something that was almost a smile twitched the corners of his mouth. “I believe you. Only a fool would falsely claim to be one, and you don’t strike me as a fool.” He eyed her for a while, as if trying to decide whether to say something more. Then, “Thank you.”

Erin smiled. “Oh, it was my duty as a Yellow Sister.”

 

She had taken bread and cheese from her pack and now handed most of her planned breakfast to the man before her. He needed it more than she did, and indeed he ate like someone who hadn’t seen food in weeks. She let him devour the food in peace before attempting to restart the conversation.

“Do you have a name?” she asked. When he didn’t instantly answer, she went on, “I am Erin Davian, of the Yellow Ajah as I already mentioned.” She looked at him expectantly and waited.

He grimaced. “I’m sorry, Erin Sedai. I would introduce myself, but it appears that I have absolutely no idea who I am.” He kept his tone light, almost self-deprecating, but Erin could see that the situation actually bothered him a great deal. Which was perfectly natural, of course. In fact he was taking it surprisingly well, if he was really telling the truth and had no memory of his own identity. “I woke up here, or a short way from here, last night.” He frowned. “It _was_ last night, wasn’t it? Or have I slept longer than I thought?”

She gave a reassuring nod. “Yes, it was last night.”

He seemed vaguely relieved. “Last night,” he repeated. “Before that… Nothing.”

 

Erin had to consciously restrain herself in order not to rush to him and Delve him again. Had she missed something? No, she couldn’t have, she was an Aes Sedai of the Yellow Ajah, and a bloody good one at that… Or, she amended her thoughts, she _had been_ considered a bloody good one until Nynaeve had showed up. Not that she was jealous. She felt almost a physical itch to address the mystery before her, but she forced herself to sit still. It wouldn’t do to appear too… Well, too anything. It wouldn’t have been in any way productive to go around intimidating the everliving Light out of those she was supposed to be Healing.

“That’s… interesting,” she said, feeling like she should say something. “Would you mind if I Delved you again?”

He shrugged. “By all means.”

She stood and took his head gently between her hands and channelled the weave of Spirit. She encountered the same _wrongness_ that she had noted when she had first found him, but it was nothing she could Heal or even touch. She wondered if it was somehow the cause for the amnesia.

“…Anything?”

The question brought her back to the present and she realised she was still holding her nameless patient’s head, frowning into emptiness. She released him and returned to her seat. “Something,” she answered, “but I don’t know what. Yet.” She considered for a moment. “I would like to find out, however. I would take you back to the White Tower with me, and-”

“No!” The force of his reaction seemed to take both of them by surprise, and for a moment they stared at each other, bewildered by his outburst.

“No?” Erin asked.

“No,” he repeated, more calmly this time but with conviction. “I do not think I want to go to the White Tower. Begging your pardon, Erin Sedai.” He paused before adding, “Of course if you decide to take me there by force, I can do nothing to stop you.”

 

Erin kept her expression carefully smooth as she watched him. He was tense, as if prepared to fight for his freedom even though he had just admitted that there was nothing he could do if she decided to wrap him up in flows of Air and cart him off to the Tower with her. His face gave nothing away, but he met her eyes proudly and didn’t wilt under her scrutiny as might have been expected from an ordinary man dealing with an Aes Sedai.

“Why?” she finally asked.

He blinked. “Why…” Some of his demeanour crumbled as he considered the question, but his resolve didn’t. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “But I am certain that it would not be a good idea.”

She made her decision. “Very well,” she said.

“Very well?” He still seemed wary of her, but had relaxed a bit.

“I will not take you to the White Tower against your will,” she said, clearly and deliberately. The words had the desired effect; he knew that an Aes Sedai could not lie, and said as plainly as she just had, there was no way she could twist the words to have the opposite meaning. Of course, to her Aes Sedai mind that had been trained to work around the Oath for the past three decades, there was a very obvious loophole, but if he didn’t spot it, she needn’t address it. And if he did… Well, she was intrigued enough that she would even promise not to make anyone else take him to the Tower against his will, either, if that was what he required.

It was not needed, however; he seemed satisfied. “Thank you, Erin Sedai.”

She nodded graciously. “I would still like a chance to study your… problem… Will you travel with me? We cannot stay here, I didn’t pack food for a long stay and not for more than one person.”

He didn’t really have many options. If she left him, he would starve before he could find his way back to civilisation. He acknowledged his nonexistent bargaining position with a sardonic half-smile and a minuscule bow of his head. “I would be delighted to.”


	3. Chapter Two

"You'll need a name," Erin said as she walked, leading Lily by the reins. It seemed hardly fitting that an Aes Sedai should walk while a man rode her horse, but her companion was still weak and they made better time if she let him ride. He had tried to argue against the arrangement, the prideful fool. "If we don't want to draw attention to you," she went on when he didn't say anything. "I cannot lie, so I can't just make up an alias for you on the spot if and when we need to interact with other people. You need to pick one. If you choose a new name in the absence of the one you can't remember… I think I should be able to call you that."

He made a noncommittal sound.

"Come now," Erin said, frowning up at him. "You must know some names. Just pick something typically Saldaean…"

"Daeron," he said after a while. "I guess I could be Daeron."

"Very well…" Erin took a deep breath. "Your name is-" She cut off as the First Oath took hold of her tongue. She swore under her breath. "Well, I guess it bloody well isn't. Let's try that again. You're called Daeron." That worked. Such a minor difference in wording, but apparently the semantical difference was good enough.

The man - whom she needed to learn to think of as Daeron, now - looked down at her with something that might have been amusement. "That must be inconvenient."

She suppressed the urge to glare and instead adopted her best, imperious Aes Sedai tone. "Each of the Oaths is in place for a reason."

She had transported them by a gateway to a clearing near the city of Whitebridge, in Andor. She had picked it out of all the cities she could have chosen for a couple of simple reasons. The first and foremost was that the city had been left largely untouched by the war and wasn't in the process of complete reconstruction, unlike Caemlyn and many Borderlands cities. The second was its size - an Aes Sedai and her companion wouldn't be anything out of usual in a city, whereas small villages would inevitably remember her passing through. Not that she was about any secret business, she just preferred to blend in.

"If you didn't want to attract attention, I figure you should be riding and I walking," Daeron noted as they got within sight of the main gate. "I should think I can manage that distance without falling over," he added, with and exasperated edge to his voice, when she hesitated.

Erin nodded thoughtfully. "Very well." They switched places and he took over leading Lily.

They were allowed in without a comment, although the guards at the gate directed a suspicious glare at Daeron - his clothes didn't exactly look like he had been travelling peacefully. Erin made a point of flashing her Great Serpent ring as she handed a coin to the guard, and the man seemed to decide that one suspiciously dressed stranger wasn't cause enough to meddle in Aes Sedai business. Erin gave him a decidedly bright smile and urged Lily forward.

She knew an inn that was clean and comfortable enough but not fine enough to have many Aes Sedai frequenting the place. Her friend Sarielle of the Blue Ajah had showed her the place some years ago when they had been travelling together. Sarielle knew a lot about travelling anonymously, but of course the Blues would be adept at such things. Erin herself had rarely found the need to conceal her identity.

When they arrived she did a quick assessment of Daeron's condition; he was a bit pale but holding up quite well. "Take Lily to the stables, if you will, while I get us rooms and some water for you to wash up and… Yes, then I believe lunch will be in order."

Daeron held out his hand to help her dismount, then led Lily towards the stables. Erin entered The Rusty Blade.

* * *

The man who had decided to call himself Daeron did as the Aes Sedai had ordered. Once the horse was seen to, he went to find Erin Sedai inside the inn. A serving girl took one look at him and made a disapproving sound. "You must be Daeron," she said. "Her ladyship told me to bring you upstairs when you'd show up, there's a bath prepared for you."

She took him to a room where a bath tub had been set and filled with steaming water. Erin Davian was going through a pile of clothes that an older woman was holding up for her scrutiny one by one. "Ah, great, you're here," the Aes Sedai said when she noticed him. "This is really a lot easier when I can actually see you and don't need to guess at your size." She picked out a few items of clothing and set them aside. "These will have to do until we find a tailor, I suppose," she said.

Daeron stared. The woman was actually planning to outfit him like he was her Warder or something? The thought was absurd, but he had no money or other clothes than those he was wearing, and so he had little choice but to accept. The innkeeper and the serving girl probably already thought he _was_ a Warder. Reasonable enough an assumption, he had to admit. "I would bathe if you would be so kind as to…" He nodded towards the door. He wasn't about to take his clothes off with three women about.

Erin Sedai gave him an amused look. "Of course," she said smoothly and herded the two others out of the door before her. "I'll be in the next room when you're finished."

He nodded - and if the others decided to interpret it as a bow or a sign of submission, so be it. It was probably best not to challenge their belief if they did assume that he was a Warder. It could even be useful.

When the door closed behind the women, Daeron quickly stripped out of his filthy clothes and sunk into the warm water with a contented sigh. He closed his eyes for a moment. Light, but he was glad to be off his feet! He had been feeling lightheaded by the time they had reached the inn, and the stairs had taken more out of him than he would have ever admitted to anyone.

The warmth of the bath water made him feel drowsy and he mentally shook himself; it wouldn't do to fall asleep. He picked up a piece of soap from the stool next to the bath tub and began scrubbing himself vigorously. The water soon turned opaque as the filth and dried blood washed off his skin. By the time he was done he was quite glad to step out of the tub and dry himself with the coarse towel that had been provided.

He got dressed quickly - the dark grey trousers were slightly loose on him, but with a belt they were good enough, and the sleeves of the brown tunic were half an inch shorter than he would have liked, but all in all it was not too bad, he told himself. He was mildly annoyed to find that he had a vain streak that protested against ill-fitting second-hand clothes. The clothes were clean and functional; under the circumstances, that was about as good as he could hope for. A glance at the mirror on the wall told him that he was sporting a stubble along his chin, but there was no razor in sight so he could do nothing about it for now.

Erin Sedai opened the door almost instantly when he knocked; she must have been waiting for him. She gave him an evaluating look. He drew himself up to his full height and stared coolly back at her; he was not a piece of meat or a horse she was thinking of buying! But she merely smiled and nodded, as if satisfied with what she saw.

"You must be hungry," she said conversationally. "If you would come down to the common room with me. I told them to have a meal ready." And without waiting for an answer she glided past him, simply expecting him to follow. He did.

 _Hungry_ did not begin to cover it. He ate the first helping of venison stew like a man who hadn't seen food in weeks, and had to deliberately make himself slow down with the second one when he realised that the serving girl was looking at him funnily. So he made himself look less intent on the food and instead observed the Aes Sedai onto whose path fate had thrown him.

She was calmly sipping tea and nibbling at a breadroll, as if lost in thought. She was nothing remarkable as far as looks were concerned; she was of average height, with petite frame and not much in the way of womanly shapes. Her hair was an extremely common shade of medium brown, straight and not quite shoulder-length. Her eyes were grey, and from the male point of view they were the only part of her decidedly plain face that could be called beautiful. She wasn't ugly, but she just wasn't particularly pretty, either. She appeared to be in her twenties, but he warned himself against making any assumptions regarding an Aes Sedai's age. She was very likely a good deal older.

"If you're done staring at me, you can finish your food," she said suddenly, without looking at him.

He did as he was told. If only because he was still hungry, dammit.

* * *

Once she was satisfied that Daeron had eaten enough, Erin led him upstairs to her room and sat him down on the bed. He looked a great deal more like a human being than he had just an hour ago, she observed idly. But she would really have to get him some more fitting clothes. He looked like a farmer… No, she amended her thoughts; his _clothes_ were fit for a farmer but he looked nothing like a farmer. He looked like… Like a wild animal, caged but untamed. And she wasn't sure whether any cage would truly hold him.

She almost shook her head but caught herself just in time. She was being ridiculous. She was an Aes Sedai and he was an ordinary man, albeit an arrogant one. She fixed him with a level stare. "So you don't know who you were." It wasn't a question, and he didn't answer. "How about we try finding out what you _do_ know."

That got a reaction out of him, a flash of curiosity in his dark eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You obviously haven't forgotten everything," Erin said patiently. "You know things about the world. You knew I was an Aes Sedai when I said I'd Healed you, and that means you knew what an Aes Sedai is and what Healing means. You're following?"

He nodded slowly as he contemplated her words. "So what you're implying is that I've only lost the personal things."

"That's possible, although not something I've ever heard of before." She tilted her head thoughtfully. "I can't find a physical cause for your condition, so it must be a mental trauma that is somehow blocking your memory." Or a weave, either _saidin_ -wrought or inverted so that she couldn't detect it, she added mentally but didn't say it out loud. She had no idea why anyone would do such a thing, or whether it was even possible, and she didn't want to alarm him in vain. "I think," she continued slowly, "that it's safe to assume that you fought in the Last Battle. You saw horrible things, and perhaps that-" She cut off and stared.

Daeron's face had gone white and he swayed as if physically struck. It was a good thing he was already sitting, Erin thought, because he looked as if he might faint. "The Last Battle," he repeated, his voice barely a whisper. "It has been fought? _Tarmon Gai'don has been fought?_ "

Erin nodded, frowning. "Yes," she said, trying to make her voice gentle and soothing. "Daeron, you don't-? You didn't _know_?"

But he didn't seem to hear her. He raised his hands to clutch his head; they were shaking visibly. "I don't…" he began, then caught himself; apparently he still knew that she had to be telling the truth, no matter how distraught he may be. With visible effort, he forced himself to breathe slowly and lowered his hands to his lap. "No," he gasped. "I don't remember anything about the Last Battle." His voice shook ever so slightly, and the look in his eyes was half-mad. "The bloody Last Battle was fought and I don't remember… I don't remember!"

Erin reached out her hand to touch his. "Maybe you should lie down for a while," she suggested. She was worried; she had seen shock drive men - and women, for that matter - out of their minds.

It was an indicative of how shaken he really was that he complied without a word. Erin laid her hand briefly on his forehead and channelled a trickle of Spirit, making him sleep. Technically it wasn't good form to do such a thing without the person's consent, but she felt it was justified in this case. He clearly needed to let his mind process the new information in peace - and she needed to think, as well.

* * *

It was perhaps an hour later that Daeron stirred. "Don't do that again," he said flatly, without opening his eyes.

Erin, still sitting on the stool beside the bed, turned from the window she had been staring out of and faced her companion. "Your mind needed a break," she said. "It was for your own good."

 _"Don't do it again,"_ he repeated, with a sharp edge to his voice, like that of a man who was used to obedience. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. You're trying to help me, after all, and you quite clearly believe that what you did _was_ for the best." He sounded more irritated than actually sorry, but it might have been directed at himself.

Erin shrugged. "Don't worry about it. You've had a hell of a day… And it's barely noon."

They were silent for a long while, each lost in their own thoughts. Then Daeron broke the silence again. "So what else have I missed?"

Erin gave a short, incredulous laugh. "How am I supposed to answer that?" she asked. "I don't know what you don't know, and I can hardly go through the known history of the world to see where you fall off the page." For a moment she wished she had a Brown sister at hand; one of them might have delighted in doing exactly what she had just said. For a very brief moment. She didn't know a Brown sister she could trust to not haul Daeron off to the Tower and lock him down as an _experiment_ …

"The Dragon was Reborn," Daeron said suddenly.

Erin straightened, allowing herself a moment of hopefulness. "You remember it?"

His answer smashed that hope as soon as it had surfaced. "No, but I figure he must have been if the Last Battle has been fought," he said dryly.

"Right you are," Erin sighed. "The Dragon was reborn on the slopes of Dragonmount, after the Battle of the Shining Walls." She fought down the memory of old pain; she had lost her first Warder to that battle. _Light, woman, it's been twenty years! Get a grip._ "You remember that? The Aiel War?" She frowned. "You can't have been more than ten years old at the time, but if you received any education at all, you'd have known about it."

He nodded, still not opening his eyes. "Yes. The savages swarmed over the mountains, sacked Cairhien and didn't stop until they hit the brick wall that is Tar Valon. Or so you folks inside those 'shining walls' would like us ordinary people to believe."

Erin scowled indignantly - which, obviously, was completely lost on him and only made her feel foolish. "We do nothing of the sort," she said smoothly. "It has been common knowledge for quite a while that the Aiel simply left because their goal, killing Laman, had been achieved."

Daeron waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "Whatever you say. Tell me about the Dragon Reborn."

"Very well," Erin said. "His name was Rand al'Thor." She thought she saw him… not quite _flinch_ at the name, but there was something, a slight flickering of the eyelids, a minuscule clenching of the jaw… She ignored it for the time being, but kept a close eye on him. "He was raised in a place called Two Rivers, in Western Andor, by a man called Tam al'Thor, who had found him after the battle, in the snow where his mother had died giving birth to him. His mother was a Maiden of the Spear but not of Aiel birth. It is believed that she was Tigraine, the lost Daughter-Heir of Andor." She paused, thinking. "He of course fulfilled the Prophesies. Took Callandor from the Stone of Tear, broke his people with the 'sword of peace', cleansed _saidin_ …" This time she was certain she had seen a reaction. "None of this rings any bells at all?" she asked.

"No," Daeron said, shaking his head, but then he froze and seemed to reconsider. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I feel like I should remember these things, but I'm not sure whether it is because of a memory that's just out of my reach, or simply because you're telling me about them like they're common knowledge and I _know_ that I should know…"

Erin suppressed a weary sigh. "If only you'd agree to come to Tar Valon with me. I'm sure there are those among my Sisters who could better help you…"

"Well, I'm not agreeing, and you're not making me change my mind." His voice was cool and unyielding as stone.

"I know," Erin said. "I know… But consider this," she added, as if an afterthought. "What have you to fear in Tar Valon? The only men who have anything to fear from Aes Sedai are Darkfriends and criminals…" And in the past, men who could channel, although she suspected many of those would still prefer to avoid the place. Old prejudices died hard. "So, which one do you think you were?"

This finally made him open his eyes and look at her. "I should think that's something I wouldn't tell an Aes Sedai even if I knew the answer," he said slowly.

Erin fought down the urge to roll her eyes; it was not something Aes Sedai did, except perhaps amongst themselves. "Very well," she said and stood up. "But consider also this. 'There is no man who walks so deep in the Shadow that he cannot be brought back to the Light.' The Last Battle is done. The Light triumphed. The Dark One's prison has been mended - not only sealed again, but repaired - and he cannot meddle in the affairs of men anymore. The Forsaken are dead." She gave a moment for her words to sink in, then continued, deliberately making it sound as if she was talking from a purely academic point of view. "If a person who was previously sworn to Shadow happened to survive the battles and now wanted to leave that life behind, to start over… Who would stop them? Surely it would be but another triumph for the Light, to see a lost sheep returned home."

He said nothing, but the look in his eyes spoke volumes; not everyone would see it the way she had just described.

Erin sighed. "I'm going to find out where I can find a tailor in this city," she said. "I'll wait for you downstairs. You will not want to make me wait too long."


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I keep forgetting to update here when I post a new chapter on FF.Net. ^^; But I guess it doesn't matter seeing as nobody's reading it here, anyway.

Daeron inspected himself in the mirror in Erin's room in The Rusty Blade inn. The tailor had been so impressed to be working for an Aes Sedai that he had delivered the first of the three suits already the next day. The outfit consisted of black trousers, white shirt and a dark green coat. The fabric was fine wool and the cut was elegant, and all in all the new clothes were on the better side of ordinary. He wouldn't have minded something finer, but Erin Sedai herself preferred fine wool over fancy silks, and as long as she was the one paying, it was her taste that dictated the style.

They had not talked about the question of his possible past since the previous day, but he had given it a lot of thought - which he supposed had been her intention. _Had_ he been a Darkfriend or a criminal? He didn't feel like a bad person… But then again, would a bad person know that it felt anything different from being a good or a normal person? It all sounded too much like a philosophical question to his liking. But he couldn't just shrug it off. If he had been a Darkfriend, did he actually want to find out? That was a much more relevant question. He could just go on being Daeron and build a life somewhere…

But there was a part of him that rebelled against the idea. The idea of leading an ordinary, uneventful life filled him with contempt so intense that it shook him to his core. He wanted something more than that, he _needed_ …

"You should keep the beard." Erins voice interrupted his thoughts.

He blinked at the Aes Sedai, who was sitting by the window. "…Beg your pardon?"

She tilted her head. "Yes, you really should. Let it grown a bit, then trim it neatly." She smiled, as if it was the most natural thing in the world for an Aes Sedai to be handing out fashion advice. "I think it would suit you."

Daeron bit back a sharp response. "If you say so," he said instead, before changing the subject. "So what's the plan now?" he asked. He felt confined in the small room, and the uncertainty of the situation didn't sit well with him.

The Aes Sedai looked thoughtful. "I have an idea that we could try, but I cannot guarantee that it will work," she said. "And it requires you to trust me."

He raised his eyebrows; did she think he would be travelling with her if he didn't trust her? But then he realised that it wasn't quite the whole truth. He was, in many ways, dependant on her unless he wished to try to make it in the world with no money, profession - that he knew of at least - or friends, and a potentially shady past that he was completely ignorant of but which might catch up with him when he least expected. Leaving her would be a recipe for disaster, he needed her. And that alone made him reluctant to trust her, because she knew exactly how bad his situation would be without her. He was not in control and it grated on his nerves.

Erin was waiting for a response, and so he nodded. "Very well. What do you want me to do?"

* * *

Erin had once known an older Sister who had tried to help Warders who had lost their Aes Sedai by less radical means than the Greens who bonded - and in many cases, bedded - such poor men. Amarylla Sedai had experimented with hypnosis and believed that it was the tool that could, if used correctly, eventually solve any problem related to human mind. She had been a peculiar case, for a Yellow Sister, but strong enough in the One Power that she had been able to practice her eccentricities without anyone interfering. Erin herself had observed quite a few such sessions as an Accepted when it had been her turn to stand in waiting and scribe down any possible results of the experiment. She didn't think the treatment had ever helped a single Warder, but sometimes it had brought up suppressed memories.

"This has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever agreed to," Daeron muttered.

"Considering your current 'ever' began yesterday, that's not necessarily indicative of anything," Erin countered with a bright smile. Too bright. She had serious doubts as to whether this would work - Daeron was much too stubborn - but short of just waiting to see whether the man's memory would return on its own, she was running out of ideas. "Now, try to relax and focus on my voice…"

* * *

Some hours later Erin stood up with a frustrated sigh. Daeron was torn between feeling like he should apologise and wanting to point out that he _had_ told her that the whole endeavour was ridiculous. "Too bad it didn't work," he eventually said, which was being truthful enough.

"Yes, well," Erin said and moved to stare out of the window. "It was just something an old mentor of mine used to… Never mind."

For a while there was a heavy silence, one that could grow into an impenetrable wall if left alone for too long. To his own surprise as much as Erin's, Daeron was the one to break it before that could happen. "I think I hear music," he said. "Tell me, Erin Sedai… Do you dance?"

She turned to stare at him with open astonishment. He gave her a look that he hoped communicated the message of 'yes I'm doing this to cheer you up but don't make me spell it out for you,' and he supposed the message got through because then she smiled. "Oh, it's been a while, but… Yes, I guess I might." She took his offered arm and he led her downstairs to the common room.

The young man playing the flute was certainly no gleeman, but he made up for his lack of finesse with good spirit that seemed quite contagious. A few couples were already dancing to the lively tune. With a courtly bow - to which the Aes Sedai responded with a gracious nod - Daeron led his companion to join them. It seemed like she hadn't been exaggerating when she said it had been a while since she had last danced; her steps felt hesitant, almost clumsy at first. But by the second song she was gliding across the floor alongside him with such grace as one would not expect from looking at her. She seemed to be really enjoying herself - he wasn't having such a bad time himself, Daeron had to admit - and the way her eyes sparkled with delight, she was almost beautiful.

After the third song they were both flushed and out of breath - Daeron more so than the Aes Sedai, he noted, somewhat annoyed. He firmly told himself that the slight dizziness he was experiencing was because the latest dance had involved a lot of ridiculous twirling in circles. Nevertheless, he didn't protest when Erin led him from the dancefloor and sat him down at a table in the back of the room. She signalled a serving girl over and ordered a bottle of wine.

"That," Erin remarked once the wine arrived, "was the most fun I've had in years." She poured two glasses and pushed one of them in front of Daeron. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Daeron replied before raising the glass to his lips. The wine was Tairen, not overly expensive but about as fine as one could expect to find in an inn such as this. Tasting the deep red liquid he discovered, somewhat to his amusement, that he was used to finer vintages. So he was a former Darkfriend or a criminal with a vain streak _and_ a refined taste in wines? This was getting more and more interesting.

"You're a good dancer," Erin said after a while.

Daeron drained his glass and poured himself another one. "And this is the point where I'd tell you were I learnt to dance, if I had the faintest clue myself," he said dryly.

"Oh, that's not what I meant," the Aes Sedai began, but he silenced her with a placative gesture.

"True nonetheless." He drank deeply from his glass to hide his grimace. Of course, being an Aes Sedai with not only White Tower training but at least twenty years of experience as a full Sister - if she indeed had lost a Warder in the Aiel War - Erin noticed that his mood dipped. She reached a hand across the table to take his.

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out-" she began, but trailed off as he jerked his hand away. Did he look like he needed or wanted to be comforted? By an _Aes Sedai_? He wasn't sure whether to laugh or to glare.

He did neither, just shook his head. "I'm not _worrying_ ," he said in what he hoped passed for an apologetic tone. "I'm just… All right, maybe I am worrying. I'd say I have plenty of cause for worry. What if I never remember? Do you expect me to settle down in a village somewhere and take up farming? Maybe raise sheep? Not that I know the first thing about raising sheep, mind. At least I don't think I do." Though he kept his voice low - not that he feared there was much risk of being overheard, with the music and the general din of conversation all around, but because he didn't want to appear agitated and draw curious eyes - he couldn't hide his frustration.

"Don't be ridiculous," Erin said stiffly. "I'm not suggesting you take up farming. But now with the Dragon's Peace in effect, a lot of mercenaries will be looking for other fields of employment, and there's great need for builders of all kinds to help with the reconstruction of several cities and countless villages, especially in the Borderlands but also here in Andor and Cairhien… You could apprentice yourself to a stonemason or a carpenter and blend right in. Get on with life, like everyone else. And if you didn't want to talk about your past, well, I'm sure most people wouldn't find that too curious."

She probably had a point, and Daeron would only make himself sound like a spoiled prat if he said that he didn't want to be a stonemason or a carpenter. "Aren't I a bit old for an apprenticeship?" he eventually said. The Aes Sedai just looked at him as if she knew exactly what he was thinking and wasn't impressed. He sighed, thinking of another way to approach the subject so that she might understand. "How old would you say I am?"

"Around thirty," Erin replied. "Why?"

"You seem to think that this situation means I've got a clean slate… No, let me finish," he said when she seemed like she was about to speak. "Yes, I've no memory of my previous life, but does this change who I am? I know I'm not a carpenter. I guess I could learn carpentering, but _I'm not_ …" He trailed off helplessly. "…I'm not making much sense to you, am I? No, don't answer that." He drained his glass again, only to find that the bottle was almost empty. He poured the last of the wine into his glass, ignoring the disapproving not-quite-glare from Erin. "I'm not a clean slate," he repeated after a few moments of silence, but then he was suddenly too tired to continue the argument.

"I… think I'm going to sleep," he said after finishing the last of the wine. "By your leave, Erin Sedai."

She looked vaguely sad as she nodded her assent. "Go ahead."

He lurched to his feet and the room spun around him. He gripped the edge of the table briefly to steady himself. Had he drunk that much? Yes, he supposed he had. With an annoyed shake of his head, he started across the room towards the stairs leading to the second floor. He could feel Erin's eyes on his back. He ignored it.

* * *

Erin watched Daeron go. He moved through the crowd like he owned the place, and people moved out of his way. A pretty young man dressed in silks seemed about to challenge his passage, but took another look at him and thought better of it. Daeron barely spared the youth a glance; his mere presence seemed enough to intimidate the boy. Erin sighed as the Saldaean vanished from sight. No, she thought; he was right. He was most certainly not a carpenter. And by all evidence, he wasn't even a very nice person.

Why did she bother? She could just take him to one of the many reconstruction sites, perhaps Caemlyn, see that he had the chance to sign up to do something useful for his living. And he could either take the chance or not, it was entirely up to him. She'd have done more than her duty, then, and they needn't bother each other ever again.

But she wasn't ready to give up on him just yet. His attitude seemed bad, yes, but to be fair to him she had to remember that he had had less than two days so far to adjust to the situation. She was just expecting too much of him because there was something about him that made him seem like an intelligent, competent person. Pity that 'intelligent' didn't nearly always equal 'reasonable'…

She frowned at the empty wine bottle. Did she want to order a new one? Yes, she did. Should she? No, it would be a very bad idea. She'd had that one glass and it was quite enough for her. But she didn't feel like going back to her room yet, either. And staying in the common room of an inn without company at this hour would send entirely the wrong message.

She got up and made her way out into the fast darkening night.

The fresh night air soon brought her to her senses - she was a fool, setting off like this. It wasn't that she was afraid; an Aes Sedai was never quite an ordinary 'woman alone' even though she was a woman and alone. No, she was a fool because this was not how an Aes Sedai behaved. She was acting like a silly girl, entertaining the thought of getting drunk and then taking to the streets because she couldn't deal with her own head, as if that helped at all. Just because she had lost her ageless look, it didn't mean she had also lost thirty years of her life, burn it!

She was about to turn back towards the inn when she became aware that she was being followed. She almost embraced _saidar_ , but decided against it; she wasn't going to be jumping at shadows like that! Instead she turned around and looked around just in time to see a man appear around the corner. He smiled when he saw that she had noticed her.

"Can I help you?" she asked as the man approached.

The man stopped before her, still smiling. He looked pleasant enough, with blue eyes and sandy brown hair. "I saw you at the inn and when you left alone, I…" He glanced away, shyly. "I figured I'd follow and make sure you were all right, ma'am. Had a falling-out with your fella?" When she didn't answer instantly, he went on chattering, "I don't know what you women see in those dark and brooding types, eh, beggin' your pardon, ma'am. None of my business, that is, of course, but I wouldn't trust those types. Only let you down, they will."

Erin didn't quite know how to react. This was not quite what she had expected. "Ah, I'm… touched by your concern, good sir," she said; she couldn't honestly say she was _glad_. "But I assure you I'm fine." She adjusted her cloak, casually flashing her ring as she did so.

The man's eyes flickered to the ring and back, and he gave an embarrassed grin. "Ah, yes, Aes Sedai," he said, but something about his voice was different. He still sounded good-natured and open, but also somehow… amused. "I thought I saw you sporting one of those fancy rings, even if you don't have the face. And I'm thinking I don't much like those rings…"

It took a fraction of a second for the words to sink in, but when they did, Erin reached for _saidar_ \- only to find that she was shielded. She inhaled sharply before she could control herself, but she forced her face smooth and her voice steady when she spoke again. "Are you sure you want to be doing this?" she asked. "Don't you think a Warder will know when their Aes Sedai is in trouble?"

The easy grin turned nasty. "Oh, I'm sure they do," he said, still sounding amused. "But you know, I don't think you got one." He was walking around her in a slow circle, like a predator waiting to finish off a wounded prey. "I don't know what your deal with the brooding fella is but he ain't no Warder or he wouldn't have let you wander out on your own. Maybe you wanted to bond him but he refused?" He tilted his head, as if considering the option. "Yeah, I think that's how it-" He cut off suddenly and half-turned to look behind him. "What the blazes…"

Erin strained her neck to see past him as well, but before she could see anything, he shoved her back - physically, how inelegant when he clearly had the One Power at his disposal - and she landed hard on the ground. The back of her head hit the cobblestones and everything went black.

* * *

Daeron wasn't sure what had made him return to the common room, but when he did, Erin wasn't there. The serving girl had told him that she had taken off only moments earlier - and that a young man had left soon after and that it was probably nothing but the man had been watching her ladyship for a while, and perhaps Daeron should…

Daeron nodded impatiently and waved the girl off. He was no bloody Warder; Erin could probably defend herself better without him charging in like an idiot and getting in the way. Nevertheless, on his way out he casually bumped against a drunken old guard and discreetly relieved the man of his short sword. With a pat on the guard's shoulder with his free hand, he slipped away and was out before the man could figure out what had happened.

The street led in one direction towards the city gate, and Daeron doubted Erin would have gone that way… Unless she wanted to leave the city. Why would she leave the city? No; he shook his head and headed the other way, hoping that she hadn't taken off to any obscure alley.

He heard her voice before he saw her. He couldn't make out the words, but the voice was exaggeratively cool and projecting unbreakable Aes Sedai serenity - and that alone told him that everything was not right. He had only known her for two days, but not once had she sounded like that, even when she's been annoyed at him. He looked around the corner and saw a man, with his back to Daeron, towering over Erin. The man was talking in a low voice, and for whatever reason Erin was just standing there and listening, as if frozen… Daeron adjusted his grip on the sword's hilt - he was fairly sure he didn't know the first thing about sword-fighting, but the other man was unarmed as far as he could see, so the sword should give him an advantage even if he only waved it about. Right? And if he could take the bastard by surprise - as he seemed so fond of his own voice - so much the better…

He was halfway there when a shadow shot past him, startling him. A bloody cat! He glowered at the creature, which paid him no mind and vanished int the shadows on the other side of the street. Just a bloody cat… But it had made him step carelessly, and a sound alerted the other man to his presence. "What in the blazes…" the man muttered as he turned to look behind him.

Daeron charged.

The man shoved Erin aside - the bloody woman still wasn't channelling! What was wrong with her? - and raised his hands and something bright took shape between them. Daeron threw himself to one side just in time; a bolt of fire hit the cobblestones to his right. A bloody channeller!

The man swore under his breath and gestured another attack - this time Daeron couldn't see anything, but he was already close enough to lunge at the attacker - something solid and sharp hit his body in several places like invisible daggers thrown at him. He stifled a cry - and mentally cursed himself for a fool; any noise that might alert a patrolling guard would be a good thing, burn it! - as he crashed inelegantly into the other man. Gasping with pain as they fell to the ground, he stared into the pale blue eyes…

Eyes that suddenly went wide with horror. "You!" the man gasped.

Daeron wanted to roll his eyes, but the expression turned into a grimace. "Me," he agreed. _If only I knew who the bloody flaming ashes that_ is _. Why couldn't you flaming idiot give me a_ name _while you're at it?_ But suddenly his body wouldn't obey and instead of speech he coughed up a stream of blood. _Well, brilliant…_ He rolled over just in time to see the man vanish through a hole in the air. And that was the last thing he saw.

* * *

Erin was vaguely aware of the brief fight taking place next to her, but by the time she could focus her gaze again it was over. She sat up on the suddenly quiet street, rubbing her head. "Daeron?" she called out in a small voice. She embraced _saidar_ \- the shield was gone, thank Light! - and channelled a ball of light… And she saw him. "Light, Daeron!"

She was kneeling beside him before she was even aware she had moved. He was alive, barely, and for the second time in as many days she wove the threads of Air, Water and Spirit that made up Healing. This time the damage was more severe, though; Daeron had lost a lot of blood, and he had still been recovering from the previous Healing. She watched helplessly as the wounds closed, flesh and skin repaired itself under her touch, but he wasn't going to survive. He was simply not strong enough.

She made a decision; it was a choice between breaking one of the most fundamental rules of her Sisterhood after the Oaths themselves, or letting Daeron die. And she had invested far too much of her time and interest in the man to let him die like this. With a silent apology, she wove a very specific weave of Spirit and placed it upon him…

…And then she could feel him in the back of her mind, a slumbering presence for now, weak but growing stronger by the moment as the bond's full strengthening effect settled on him.

Shivering with the aftermath of the adrenaline rush, she gathered him into her arms as she began to mechanically channel the blood off his clothes. It wouldn't do to show up at the inn covered in blood, again. People would talk. She didn't stop what she was doing when he opened his eyes a few minutes later. She could feel his confusion, which turned into apprehension and then, as he realised what it was that he was feeling… ice.

"What have you done?" he breathed.

"What I had to do," she replied, with greater composure than she felt. Of course, it wouldn't fool him now. If it ever had. "We can argue about this later," she added. "I did it to save your life, and it worked. Now, can you walk? We need to get back to the inn…"

He seemed to see the sense in that and decided not to argue.


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoopsie, it's been a while since I updated this here. If anyone does happen to read this, I'd appreciate a few words on what you thought...

The knot of emotions at the back of Erin's mind was tense, agitated, bordering on furious. Daeron was pacing back and forth in his small room in The Rusty Blade like a caged animal. Erin sat in her own room with a needle and thread, mending the slashes in his coat. It wasn't something she could just channel to fix, and right now she didn't mind the manual labour. It was soothing, in some way, and she wanted to remain as calm as possible while Daeron worked his way to a decision.

She had suggested that he remain her Warder.

It had made perfect sense at the moment. If he was so averse to the idea of finding a normal life to get on with, why not stay with her? He had already very likely saved her life, and she had saved his twice, she had reasoned; that was what Warders and Aes Sedai did for each other. He didn't know much about sword-fighting, but he could learn. Oh, he probably wouldn't be a blademaster, starting at the age of thirty, but he could become good enough if he put his mind to it. And he wouldn't have to apprentice himself to a stonemason or carpenter to make a living. And she could keep him close and possibly learn something about his condition.

She had expected him to reject the idea outright and demand that she release the bond right away. And he had been about to, she was sure of that. But he had surprised himself as much as her by saying that he would think about it. And in the meanwhile, the bond remained.

It had been most of a day, now, and Erin was beginning to have difficulty keeping her anxiety at bay. What she could feel from Daeron was far from reassuring - but it was only feelings, she couldn't read his thoughts, and she didn't want to jump into conclusions. After all, if he was convinced at any point that he didn't want to be her Warder, he could have marched in at any time and told her to release him. She would have done it. She wouldn't have liked it, but what she had done to him was in its own way comparable to rape and she could consider herself lucky that he didn't decide to take the matter to the Amyrlin Seat. She almost shuddered at the thought; Cadsuane Melaidhrin was a fearsome woman and you simply did not want to waste her time with foolishness like that.

That less than cheerful line of thought was interrupted by a knock on the door. Erin frowned; it wasn't Daeron, she could feel the man still in his own room, pacing back and forth like an untiring automaton. "Yes?" she called.

The door opened to admit someone Erin most certainly had not expected. Sarielle Teorin of the Blue Ajah was a tall woman of regal bearing with fiery red hair and slightly tilted green eyes, resplendent in rich blue silks and jewellery to match. She was drop dead gorgeous and she knew it and didn't hesitate to use it to her advantage. Right now, however, her beauty was marred by a displeased frown as she regarded her friend.

"Alinsar, door," she said to her Warder, who shut the door behind her and presumably took his place standing guard outside.

"'Door'?" Erin repeated, looking up at the Blue Sister. She didn't go on - far be it from her to criticise how other Sisters communicated with their Warders! - but the other woman caught her meaning and the creasing of her brow deepened. Erin hastened to add, "Do you really think it's necessary to keep guard here?"

Sarielle wasn't fooled, but she let it slide. "One can never be too cautious," she merely said.

Erin suppressed a sigh. "Very well. What brings you here?" She didn't even bother asking how the Blue Sister knew she was here; an extensive web of eyes-and-ears seemed to be something of a prerequisite to joining the Ajah. Not that Erin was supposed to know anything of such things, of course.

The other woman arched an eyebrow, as if to indicate that the question was ridiculous. "When my contact reported that an Aes Sedai matching your description was staying here accompanied by a man whom they interpreted as your Warder… I'm sure you can see where I got curious. Woman, you didn't have a Warder when you left the Tower." Then her stern expression finally melted into a warm grin. "Dare I assume you're finally over Josua? Come on, tell me all about it!"

Erin returned the smile with considerable relief. She had been half worried that her friend would take offence that she hadn't consulted her in her choice of a new Warder. You just never knew with the Blues, and Sarielle had a temper that would make a Green step lightly. "Daeron," she said; she didn't want to test whether she had managed to convince herself that it was his actual name, yet. Not when Sarielle was about. "He's Saldaean. A good dancer." She allowed a light blush to colour her cheeks. "What else is there to say?"

The other woman barked a laugh. "A good dancer!" she repeated. "When did _you_ turn _Green_?" She watched the Yellow Sister with a thoughtful look. "You're obviously not telling me everything. And knowing you, this can only mean one thing. Which gutter did you drag him out of and in what condition? Does he actually know the first thing about being a Warder?" _Unlike Josua_ , her tone suggested, but she wasn't cruel enough to say it out loud.

"He's already saved my life once," Erin said coolly, lifting her chin. "Which reminds me - assuming you're going to return to Tar Valon, can I ask you to carry a message for me? A male channeller attacked me last night. He could be out for any unsuspecting Aes Sedai. We need to get the word out, and alert the Black Tower to do something about it."

"An Asha'man _attacked you?_ "

Erin shook her head. "Don't be absurd. I didn't say Asha'man, did I? I said _a male channeller_. Could be Black Tower trained, but gone rogue since the war."

The Blue Aes Sedai seemed for a moment like she might take offence with the patronising tone, but then let it go. "Yes, you're right, of course. We'll-" She cut off abruptly and turned to face the door at the same moment as Erin felt a spike of alarm from Daeron.

"It's just Daeron," she started, but Sarielle shook her head with a grim expression, and the glow of _saidar_ sprung around the other woman. And, indeed, Daeron's alarm escalated to full-on fight-or-flight readiness. Then he was being manhandled to the ground, and Erin had had enough of caution. She rushed past Sarielle and slammed the door open-

To find Daeron on the floor, arms twisted behind his back, with Alinsar Zarac, Sarielle's Warder, on top of him. "What in the name of Light is going on here?!" she demanded. "Alinsar, release him!"

The man obviously didn't take orders from an Aes Sedai other than his bondmate. Erin turned back to demand that Sarielle tell her Gaidin to release Daeron, but the Blue Sister was staring at something with a look of such naked shock that Erin had to follow her gaze… The only people in the corridor were the two Aes Sedai and their Warders. "Sarielle, please tell your Warder to release mine," Erin said coolly.

Sarielle finally turned her attention to the Yellow Sister. "Light, woman!" she gasped, her voice a curious mixture of disbelief and anger, and somehow Erin didn't think the anger was aimed at her. " _This_ is your new Warder? Have you _any idea-?!_ " Words seemed to fail her and she just stared at her friend, eyes ablaze with emerald fire.

Erin threw her hands in the air in exasperation, trying to fight the growing sense of impending doom that was trying to overcome her. "I have no idea what you're talking about!" She felt Daeron's amusement, and she had to admit that the situation was getting slightly comical. "Sari, please, we're attracting attention here… Let's just go back to my room and, oh, for Light's sake, let the man stand up!" The last part was aimed at Alinsar.

The Gaidin looked at his Aes Sedai for confirmation. Sarielle channelled something - _a shield?_ \- and placed it on Daeron before nodding stiffly. "Very well. Get up," she said, directing her words at the Saldaean. "And know that if you try anything, you're a dead man."

Erin could hardly believe that her friend was talking in such tones and to another Sister's Warder, no less! But she also knew that the other woman must think she had a reason for such a drastic breach of etiquette, so she held her peace while Alinsar marched Daeron before him to Erin's room. Sarielle followed, and Erin entered last, closing the door behind her. As an afterthought, she wove wards against eavesdropping. "Now would you care to explain?"

Sarielle gave her a long-suffering look. "Sarielle, your 'Daeron' is Mazrim Taim."

"What?!"

"Who?"

Erin threw a glance at Daeron, who had spoken at the same moment as herself. The man seemed genuinely confused, and more than that, he _felt_ confused and more than a little amused. Erin frowned - but of course he wouldn't know the severity of the accusation if he didn't know who Taim had been. "Sarielle, I'm afraid that makes no sense…" she began, but the Blue sister cut her off.

"This is priceless," she huffed. "Erin Davian, the Yellow who wanted to single-handedly Heal the world, bonds a Light-blasted Forsaken! _A Forsaken, Erin!_ "

Daeron made a strangled sound and alarm spiked across the bond again. "Wait a second… My memory may be a bit sketchy at the moment, but I am relatively sure that none of the Forsaken was called Mazrim Taim."

Erin shook her head, trying to formulate a coherent thought. "Look, Sari," she said, "I know you're sure of what you're saying…" The Blue Sister gave her an icy glare, but she ignored it. "But how could it possibly be? Taim _died_. Egwene al'Vere killed him in battle."

Sarielle glared. " _I know that!_ Burn it, woman, I know! But I also know this man, Erin!" She paused for a second to throw a venomous look at Daeron. "I was there, have you forgotten? I was there when he was captured. I saw what he did to Saldaea, I saw what he did to Bashere's army, and those Light-blinded fools who followed him when he declared himself Dragon Reborn!"

"…Did _what_ now?" Daeron asked faintly. His emotions were a tangle of disbelief, bewilderment, growing apprehension and… _Satisfaction?_

Erin frowned. Perhaps he still didn't quite understand… No, he was beginning to understand all too well, and wasn't displeased by the revelations. She would have to take it up with him once they were alone. It was one thing to entertain the possibility of a dark past and perhaps even to prefer the idea over a mundane life, and quite another to find out that he had possibly been one of the most dangerous men of his generation. The latter simply was not… proper. _Understatement of the age_ , she thought and fought down a hysterical giggle. "Well, then," she said. Her voice did _not_ quiver, Light damn it! "What now? I mean if we assume that he's… Taim…" The thought still felt almost too absurd to voice. "…What do we do?"

Sarielle looked at her as if she was a drooling half-wit. "We take him to the Tower to be tried, and I expect he will be executed for his crimes against the Light," she said matter-of-factly.

Something outright hostile flared across the bond, but Erin ignored it. She needed to remain calm; she hoped that her calmness was reassuring. "All right," she said. "Let's for the moment imagine that I'll actually agree to that. To which Tower exactly were you planning to take him?" The Blue Sister opened her mouth, then frowned, as if reconsidering. Erin nodded. "Indeed. I do believe Logain would have something to say if we went and executed Mazrim Taim behind his back. The Black Tower has as big of a bone to pick with Taim as the White, if not even bigger."

Sarielle seemed to consider that for a moment, but then she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Black Tower, then. I'm sure Logain can do what needs to be done, and I'm sure he wouldn't object to a couple of representatives of the White Tower being present as a formality."

Erin sighed. "He's still my Warder, and I'm not letting anyone execute him," she said firmly. "Look at him, Sari. Even if he is Taim, and I still have no idea how that could be possible… He has no memory of anything that came before I found him. He's not a Forsaken or even an ordinary Darkfriend. Besides…" She trailed off and looked at Daeron - Taim - with a frown. "I don't think he can channel?"

The man shrugged. "Not that I'm aware of. Is that something you can _forget_?"

"I'm relatively certain it isn't," Erin replied.

Sarielle no longer seemed so certain, but wasn't about to let go of her conviction so easily. "He must have survived somehow," she said slowly. "Maybe he burned himself out fighting Egwene and the shock addled his memory?" She didn't sound convinced. "Or maybe the Dark One resurrected him. Apparently he was doing that with some of the other Forsaken. How do we know he couldn't have done that even while the Lord Dragon was fighting him?"

"Oh, yes, so the Dark One sent Taim back without his memory or the One Power, for what purpose if I may ask?" Erin countered.

The Blue Sister shook her head impatiently. "How would I know? That's not important-"

"Yes it is, because it doesn't make sense!" Erin drew a deep breath. "Look. If we come back to Tar Valon with you, will you help us figure out what actually happened? We can't just go around sentencing people to death, just like that. Don't you think we should find out the truth?"

There was a silence as Sarielle stared at Erin, as if trying to figure out whether she was being sincere. "Very well," she said then. "We go to Tar Valon tomorrow; we don't want to be bothering Mother at this hour."

Erin didn't allow herself a sigh of relief; she barely allowed herself to feel it. Instead she gave her friend a grateful smile. "Thank you, Sari."

"Don't thank me yet," the Blue Sister warned. "I intend to see him brought to justice."

Erin didn't have the energy to carry on with the argument. "Why don't you and Alinsar get a room for the night," she suggested. "I promise we won't run off during the night. I'd appreciate the chance to get some sleep, if I'm to face Cadsuane tomorrow…"

Sarielle nodded after a moment's thought. "Very well. I'll see you both in the morning." Then she turned on her heels and stormed out of the room. Alinsar directed one last threatening glower at Daeron - Taim - before following his Aes Sedai.

When the two were gone, Erin sat heavily on the edge of the bed and buried her face in her hands. She couldn't begin to make sense of her own feelings. What was an Aes Sedai supposed to feel when told that her new Warder was one of the Light-blasted Forsaken, albeit not one of the original ones; that hardly made it any less horrible. She wanted to laugh, but she was afraid it would come out a sob instead. The bond more or less matched her feelings of confusion but with a bemused undertone.

"This isn't funny," she said eventually.

Daeron - Taim - came to sit next to her. "No, you have to admit that it is, a little bit at least," he argued. But he didn't seem to expect her to agree, and so she didn't say anything. After a while he spoke again. "Erin… Thank you. For defending me. You know you could have just released the bond and let them have their way with me."

She shook her head. "Even if Sarielle is right, there's got to be some other way…"

"Do you think she's right? Do you think I'm Mazrim Taim?" he asked.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I never met him in person or saw him close enough to know his face. But Sarielle was one of the Sisters sent to capture him and bring him to Tar Valon to be gentled. She's very certain."

The Saldaean nodded. "I could see that." A pause. The bond felt thoughtful. Then, "Would you tell me about him?"

* * *

The man who had briefly known himself as Daeron listened as his Aes Sedai told him about the man he had been. He had proclaimed himself the Dragon Reborn, raised armies and sacked half of Saldaea before he had been defeated. He had been on the way to Tar Valon when he had escaped; how, was still anyone's guess to this day, but Black Ajah involvement was the most popular theory. He had showed up in Caemlyn some time later, after the real Dragon Reborn, Rand al'Thor, had declared an amnesty for men who could channel. He had served the Lord Dragon by training other men who could channel. He had made them into weapons, a force of destruction. He had led them in the Battle of Dumai's Wells, where the world had first witnessed the might of the Black Tower and its Asha'man. Nobody knew when exactly he had turned to the Shadow, or whether he had been a Darkfriend all along, but in the end he had been no longer training Asha'man for the Lord Dragon, but Dreadlords for the Dark One. And by the Last Battle, the word was, he had been promoted to the ranks of the Forsaken.

And he had died duelling Egwene al'Vere, the Amyrlin Seat. That battle had also cost her life.

"I'm sorry about that," he said when Erin finished.

The bond flooded with puzzlement. "You're… sorry?" the Aes Sedai repeated.

"For your Amyrlin," he explained. "You admired her greatly and expected great things from her. You feel her time was cut short. She never had the chance to live up to her full potential. I'm… sorry."

"Don't be ridiculous," Erin muttered, but without force. She felt like she might burst into tears. That wasn't anything Taim particularly wanted to be dealing with, and so he didn't pursue the subject. Erin must have caught something of his thoughts - although he knew that the bond didn't actually enable them to read each other's thoughts, she seemed remarkably well attuned to his states of mind already - for she smiled. "I wasn't planning on falling apart in hysterics, don't worry."

He returned the gesture with a half-smile of his own. "Is it something people usually _plan_ on doing?" he asked, not really expecting an answer. Wry amusement tinged the bond, which had been his purpose. "Would it be out of line for me to tell you to get some sleep while you can?" he asked after a while. "You're exhausted. I shouldn't need to tell you that."

The amusement shifted into something almost… fond. "Not out of line at all," she said. "That's precisely the sort of thing a Warder is supposed to say. And you're right. I'll need my wits about me tomorrow." She stretched out on the bed. "I'm not sure if you should try to go to your room," she added after a while. "Alinsar will probably be guarding the corridor and I suspect he'd be all too happy for an excuse to get at you."

Taim had expected something of the sort. "I'll stay here," he said. "I'll sleep on the floor."


	6. Chapter Five

The sky over Tar Valon was grey and cloudy when they walked through the gateway into the Travelling grounds. Taim's hands were tied behind his back and Alinsar Zarac was leading him alone with a none too gentle grip on his left arm. The stone-faced Warder was half a head shorter than Taim, but everything about the man radiated physical competence. After all, he was a Warder.

Sarielle Teorin led the party, her silk skirts swishing with her brisk stride and her cloak billowing dramatically in her wake. Novices and Accepted scurried out of her way and even other Aes Sedai gave way as she glared at them in passing. Erin trailed close behind her, somehow managing to look calm and composed even though she was almost running to keep up with the taller Blue. She showed no outward signs of the rising anxiety that flowed across the bond. Taim almost-smiled; he could have got himself bonded to a worse Aes Sedai.

He was feeling surprisingly calm himself. It was not that he was overly confident in the outcome of the impending meeting with the Amyrlin Seat. Quite the contrary; he was certain that if they put their mind to it, the Aes Sedai would find a way to convict him with no other evidence than his face and even convince themselves that justice had been served. No, he didn't have particularly high hopes of getting out of this in one piece, but he also didn't see much point in fretting over something he could do nothing about. If he had been fighting and cursing his way to the Amyrlin's study, he would only have made himself look guilty. Besides, his calmness seemed to throw the Blue Aes Sedai off balance whenever she deigned to acknowledge his presence, and that alone was worth the effort.

Their passage through the Tower attracted attention and soon they had quite a following; Aes Sedain in fine silks, some of them with grim-faced Warders by their side. One, a slim woman with unruly black curls, had an older man in a black coat trailing after her. When the man saw Taim, his face went pale and he leaned to whisper something to his Aes Sedai, who nodded grimly and threw Taim a dark glare. Taim mentally rolled his eyes; he had to assume he had known either the man or perhaps even both of them, but the memory of either of them was lost along with everything else.

Finally they entered the antechamber to the Amyrlin's study, which also served as the Keeper of the Chronicles' office. The Keeper, sitting behind the desk, was a pretty woman with cool blue eyes and dark hair, the stole across her shoulders green. Another man in a black coat was lounging in a chair near the door, reading a book. He looked up, the bells at the ends of his long braids jingling softly - and then he was on his feet, glaring daggers at Taim. The Keeper herself looked up as well, alarmed by her Warder's reaction. As she took in the scene, Sarielle approached her.

"We need to speak with Mother," the Blue Aes Sedai announced.

The Keeper nodded slowly. "I will see if she is available," she said and vanished into the next room.

Erin came up behind Taim and spoke in a low voice. "The Keeper's Warder, Jahar Narishma, is an Asha'man," she said. "As is Corele's Damer Flinn. The other black-coat," she added when he glanced around curiously. The older man he had noted earlier, Flinn, was watching him warily, and Narishma, with his ridiculous bells, had casually positioned himself between the group and the door through which his Aes Sedai had gone.

"I can't imagine I look very threatening," Taim remarked dryly.

There was a brief flash of amusement from Erin, but she had no chance to reply as the door to the Amyrlin's study opened and the Keeper emerged again. "Mother will see you now," she said.

Alinsar nudged Taim forward, roughly enough that he stumbled and only the Gaidin's grip kept him from falling. He felt a spike of annoyance from Erin, but the Aes Sedai didn't protest aloud. Wisely so, Taim thought; they had bigger worries right now. He could deal with a bully of a Warder if he had to. He let Alinsar lead him before the Amyrlin Seat.

Cadsuane Melaidhrin was an impressive woman. More handsome than beautiful, with grey hair that, on an Aes Sedai, spoke of a considerable age, and dark eyes that seemed sharp enough to pierce through a man's soul. She stood up as the small party entered, folding her arms across her chest. "I do not want to find half the White Tower in the antechamber the next time I look out of that door," she noted coolly, and the Keeper nearly scurried out to disperse the remaining crowd. The door closed behind the woman, leaving the two Aes Sedai and Warders alone with the Amyrlin Seat.

"Daughters."

"Mother." Sarielle and Erin both sunk into a deep curtsy.

Cadsuane made an impatient sound. "You claim to bring me Mazrim Taim." She came closer, stopped right in front of Taim. "You look like him, I'll give you that… How are you alive?"

Erin stepped forward before Taim could answer. "Mother, he doesn't remember," she began, but a look from the Amyrlin silenced her.

"Did I ask you, daughter?"

Erin felt like she wanted to argue, but she didn't; wisely so, if Taim was any judge of the Amyrlin's character. "No, Mother," she muttered.

Cadsuane nodded, as if satisfied, before turning her attention to Taim again. "I know Erin only speaks what she believes to be true, but the question is whether what you have told her is true."

Taim met her gaze head on. "You believe I could lie to her while she holds my bond?" he asked. He wasn't aiming for sarcasm - he actually wanted to know - but the icy look she gave him told him that the Amyrlin had drawn her own conclusions.

"Mazrim Taim was vile enough to earn a place among the Forsaken," she said, her voice colder than Saldaean winter. "I would not put it past him to be an exceptionally accomplished liar."

Taim almost-smiled and dipped his head slightly to acknowledge that she had a point. "Sounds to me like a situation where I cannot win, unless I somehow remember what really happened and can prove it."

The Amyrlin gave a thin smile. "That is one way of putting it," she said. "However, I have sent for someone who may be able to help. In the meanwhile," she aimed her following words to Alinsar, "take him to the dungeons."

Outrage and indignation flared across the bond. "Mother, he is my Warder!" Erin protested.

Cadsuane turned her attention on the Yellow Aes Sedai again and something that was not quite a grimace twitched the corners of her mouth. "Yes, there is that," she said. "I have half a mind to make you release the bond right now. I know of your… history…" the word was tinged with contempt, "but I would have expected better of you after thirty years wearing the Shawl. To bond a man you know nothing about? Disgraceful."

The outrage turned into fear and… embarrassment? Taim glanced at his Aes Sedai, who looked strangely subdued, eyes downcast and hands clasped together. He made a mental note to ask Erin about this 'history' the Amyrlin had alluded to, if he ever got the chance. For now, however, it seemed like he was in for a guided tour of the White Tower dungeons. The Amyrlin gestured with her hand, and then Alinsar was dragging Taim out of the door again.

"Erin, a word with you in private," the Amyrlin said when the Yellow Aes Sedai made to follow. The bond sent a feeling of weary resignation - and then Erin vanished from his head.

Startled, Taim turned to look behind him - or tried to; Alinsar's iron grip didn't allow him much freedom of movement. "Move along, now!" the Warder growled.

"Where'd she go?" Taim asked in a low voice. "Erin. She vanished from my head-"

Sarielle, walking beside her Warder, snorted. "She masked the bond," she said. "Now shut up and walk." On the other side of Alinsar, Narishma, who had apparently been tasked with escorting them, frowned as if confused, but kept his questions to himself.

 _Masked… They can do that?_ Well, obviously they could. Mentally shrugging, Taim turned his attention to the stairs ahead. He had a feeling that Alinsar wouldn't rush to his rescue if he missed a step, and he didn't fancy breaking his neck quite yet. But he wondered why Erin had suddenly decided to vanish, to mask the bond as Sarielle had called it. It was… mildly disturbing. But there was nothing he could do about it now, so he just added it to the list of things to ask Erin when he next saw her, and focused on ignoring the stares of the people they passed in the hallways.

It was a long march down to the dungeons, but eventually they were there, and moments later Taim was locked in a cell. As far as dungeons went, it wasn't too bad, he supposed. Boredom was inevitable, but boredom was more tolerable without rats and other vermin. Then there was little else he could do but wait. Figuring that he might as well make himself comfortable - as much so as was possible - he lay down on the narrow cot and prepared for a long wait.

* * *

Erin walked along the hallway towards her apartment in the Yellow Ajah's quarters. She didn't like masking the bond, but neither did she want Taim to witness her being made to feel like a novice caught in the middle of doing something stupid. She supposed she should consider herself lucky that Cadsuane hadn't ordered penance, and even that was probably because she thought such things beneath an Aes Sedai's dignity, more than any accomplishment on Erin's part. More importantly, however, she had been allowed to keep the bond for now. She wasn't sure if it was within the Amyrlin's authority to make a Sister release a Warder, but if someone had such authority, it was Cadsuane Melaidhrin.

Only when she was alone in her apartment did she unmask the bond again. The awareness that was Mazrim Taim came to life at the back of her mind and she could have pointed directly in his direction - she actually found herself unconsciously turning to face that way. She frowned at herself; she wasn't some girl raised fresh to the Shawl experiencing the bond for the first time. She picked up a book at random and settled down in an armchair, fully aware that she probably wouldn't be able to concentrate on reading, but feeling better for the pretence of trying.

She didn't have the chance to even properly try before a knock on the door interrupted her. She threw an irritable glance in the general direction of the interruption and briefly entertained the idea of ignoring it, but realistically thinking she wasn't in a position to be acting anything less than perfectly co-operative. With a sigh she got up and went to open the door.

At first she was puzzled to see Corele Hovian - she had never been particularly close with the woman despite being of the same Ajah - but the sight of the grey-haired Asha'man hovering behind the Yellow Sister explained the visit. Erin kept her face blank as she stepped aside and gestured for the pair to enter.

"Have a seat," she said. Corele did, while Damer Flinn took a position by the door. Erin arched an eyebrow at the man, but he just shrugged. "Very well then," Erin said and took a seat opposite Corele. "I don't suppose you're here to welcome me home."

The other woman gave an almost apologetic smile and shook her head, black curls swinging with the motion. "I'm afraid not," she agreed. "Erin, you've probably heard this all already, from Sarielle and Mother, but I don't think it can be emphasised enough. The man you bonded-"

"Is not the man he used to be," Erin finished the sentence. "I _know_ he isn't lying when he says he doesn't remember any of it. I don't know how to make you all see it. Maybe the man he used to be deserved to be punished, but sentencing someone for crimes that he doesn't even know he committed…"

"The Amyrlin has sent for Logain," Flinn said from where he was standing. The Asha'man might at first glance look almost grandfatherly, but the casual grace with which he carried himself belied his age and his eyes were harder than stone. He bowed his head briefly when his Aes Sedai threw him an irritated look, but he didn't apologise for speaking up, nor did he take his eyes off Erin. "You Aes Sedai can't use the One Power for interrogation, but the Asha'man are not held by such constraints."

"Maybe you should be," Corele put in coolly. This was clearly something the two had discussed before and disagreed on.

"Maybe," Flinn said, not quite in agreement. "But for now, don't you think it's convenient that we have the ability to-"

"No, I _do not_ find it convenient that you have the ability to torture my Warder!" Erin burst out. She almost couldn't believe what she was hearing. Surely this had to be a misunderstanding? Surely not even the Black Tower could possibly condone the use of the one Power in such a manner? "You can't mean that the Amyrlin actually approves of this?"

"Your Amyrlin may not have as much choice as she'd like to think," Flinn started, but Corele cut him off sharply, "Gaidin!" The grizzled Asha'man fell silent and dipped his head in a small bow to acknowledge the admonishment, but the look he gave his Aes Sedai was almost… fond. Corele returned the look with a tired smile, before turning back to Erin.

"And the day has barely started, would you believe…" she muttered. Then she was all business again. "Damer is right, however. The Black Tower will want to see Taim brought to justice, and the only way to convince them that he's not hiding anything, is… well…"

Erin nodded numbly. "Yes… I see." She drew a deep breath. "Do you know when Logain will be here?"

Corele shook her head. "No, but I expect that he'll get here as soon as he gets the news."

Yes, of course he would. "They will not let him at Taim without telling me, surely?" she asked. "No matter the unorthodox circumstances, he _is_ still my bonded Warder. And…" Her mouth twisted in a slight grimace. "…I'd rather not be caught by surprise when the 'interrogation' begins."

Corele looked slightly taken aback, as if she hadn't even thought of that, but Flinn gave a reassuring nod. "We'll let you know when Logain arrives."

Then the two took their leave. When they were gone, Erin considered venturing down into the dungeons to see Taim, but discarded the thought. Perhaps it was cowardly of her, but she just didn't know how she would go about telling her Warder that she would have to stand aside and let someone torture him. It felt almost absurd, but even knowing who and what the man had been, she still saw him first and foremost as someone whose life she had saved, and who had then saved hers in return. And he had turned out to be a Forsaken. Not for the first time in the past twenty-four hours she felt like the Wheel itself was having a laugh on her…

* * *

It was late afternoon when a novice brought the message; Logain Ablar had arrived and was currently in a meeting with the Amyrlin Seat. Erin thanked the girl - Emry, her name was, if Erin's memory served - and fetched her shawl. She figured she was going to need every ounce of Aes Sedai serenity she could muster, and the feel of the shawl across her shoulders would help. A glance at the mirror told her that she still didn't look like Aes Sedai in the least - achieving the ageless look had taken years the first time around and would probably be the same again - but otherwise as good as she was going to get. She set out towards the dungeons at a brisk but unhurried walk.

Taim was waiting for her, having sensed her coming closer. He stood up as she came within line of sight and gave her that little almost-smile that seemed to be his signature expression. "I don't suppose you're here to let me out?" he said, not really a question.

Erin shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching out through the bars to take his hand. "This isn't exactly how I'd planned to introduce you to the White Tower."

He felt distinctly amused. "Yes, well, I knew this wasn't a good idea, even if I didn't know why," he remarked. He regarded her for a moment in silence, and the amusement turned into something sharper, something more… alert. "What's wrong?" he asked then. "Aside from me being locked up. You didn't feel like this when they took me here. So. What's happened?"

There really was no way to put it but bluntly, and she doubted he would appreciate her trying to soften the message in any way. "Logain Ablar is here," she said.

Something that might have been exasperation transmitted through the bond. "All right; from your tone and… feel… I assume that name should ring a bell, but Erin, you _know_ it doesn't."

"Yes. I'm sorry." She glanced away, but then forced herself to meet his dark eyes again. "Logain is your successor at the Black Tower. I don't know if he's adopted your title, but nevertheless he's the leader of the Asha'man. And he's here to… to interrogate you. And I can't do a damned thing to stop it, short of breaking you out of this dungeon and-"

"Erin," he interrupted her. She fell silent, and he added, "You were babbling. Most unbecoming for an Aes Sedai, don't you think?"

She took a deep breath, then released it slowly. "Yes. Very."

The half-smile flickered across his lips again. "That's better," he said. He felt tense, but neither his face nor his voice betrayed his thoughts in the slightest. Erin suddenly wished she had a way of reading what was going on behind those dark predator eyes of his. "Well, it seems like a day for meeting celebrities; first your Amyrlin and then her Black Tower counterpart. Can we expect an audience with the Queen of Andor before supper?"

Erin fought down a hysterical giggle. "You're impossible!"

"I know," he replied. Then he continued, more seriously, "Erin, whatever this Logain Ablar can possibly do… I can deal with it. I suspect it's at least partly personal for him. Let him have his petty revenge and perhaps he'll even believe that I really don't remember whatever crimes I committed against him."

"You…" Erin hesitated. "You tried to convert him to the Shadow," she whispered. "With thirteen channellers and thirteen Myrddraal."

That got a reaction out of him; not a visible one, but he felt surprised. "He resisted such a method?" he asked, with the slightest hint of incredulity in his voice. The surprise was tinged with grudging respect, Erin realised with something of a shock. "He must be a formidable man," Taim continued, almost under his breath. "I look forward to meeting him…"

Again Erin fought the urge to laugh, and this time she was not in the least amused. "You're insane," she breathed. Wry amusement flooded the bond and he was about to respond when suddenly there was the sound of footsteps in the corridor behind her and he focused his eyes on something over her shoulder. She turned around - and released Taim's hand, which she realised somewhat to her embarrassment that she had still been holding - to face Logain Ablar.

The leader of the Black Tower, the former False Dragon, was an impressive sight to behold. He was easily the tallest man Erin had ever met, taller even than Taim, broad-shouldered and solid. He wore the two pins on the high collar of his otherwise unadorned black coat - the silver Sword and the golden Dragon. Whether he had adopted the title of M'Hael or not, he at least didn't seem to share Taim's taste for embroidery. Behind Logain followed Corele with Damer Flinn at her side, and Sarielle and Alinsar, the latter of whom stayed behind to keep watch, presumably on Sarielle's orders. Erin wondered briefly why such a thing was necessary, until it dawned on her that they probably didn't want anyone to happen upon the scene by chance.

"Erin Sedai," Logain said; not quite a greeting, more like an acknowledgement of her presence.

"Master Logain," she replied. Willing her breathing to remain calm - and trying to do the same to her racing heart - she looked up at the man. "I understand you're here to talk to my Warder."

Without taking his eyes off Taim, Logain nodded. "Indeed." The two men stared at each other, unspoken challenge hanging in the air between them. Logain's face was carved from stone, contempt and deep-rooted hatred warring for dominance in his eyes. Taim answered the contempt with indifference and hate with something that was not quite amusement.

Then the Saldaean spread his hands and said, "Shall we, then?"

Logain nodded stiffly. "Erin Sedai," he said without looking at her, "you may want to mask the bond."

* * *

Taim watched as Erin stood aside from the door that led to his cell. The Blue Aes Sedai, Sarielle, produced a key and handed it to Logain. Taim arched an eyebrow; he had assumed that the 'interrogation' would involve _saidin_ rather than physical violence. And then he found that he couldn't move, as if the very air had turned solid around him. Except his face; he could still breathe - thank the Light - and presumably speak. Logain opened the door and entered the cell. Then, after a moment, he spoke.

"I have warded this cell," the Asha'man said. "They can't hear us now. I wouldn't subject your Aes Sedai to the sound of your screaming."

Ah, of course. And he needed to be inside the ward to hear whatever confessions he was hoping to wring out of him. That explained. Taim tilted his head - or tried to, but found that he couldn't move that much. "You think you're going to make me scream, Ablar?"

Something dark flickered in the depths of the other man's eyes, but he said nothing. And then the pain hit. With his peripheral vision Taim could see Erin stagger - the fool woman hadn't masked the bond! - and Corele rushing to steady her. Then the presence at the back of his mind that was Erin winked out. And not a moment too soon, for then the pain doubled in intensity, driving all coherent thought from Taim's head.

After what felt like an eternity the pain subsided enough for him to regain some awareness of his surroundings. He couldn't see Erin - good - and she was still absent in his head, too - even better. He didn't particularly cherish the idea of being seen like this, trembling and covered in cold sweat. He wanted to wipe his face but couldn't move his arms. "I thought this was supposed to be an interrogation," he said. "Were you going to ask questions or just beat the ever-living Light out of me?"

Logain snorted. "Light, out of you?" he repeated. "There never was any Light in you so that's hardly possible."

"I'm fairly sure that's not accurate, even if what you all have been telling me is true," Taim replied. "Which I don't doubt, not anymore when you're all so certain. But like I've been telling everyone, _I don't remember any of it_."

Logain's jaw clenched and the look of concentration suggested that he was channelling again. And, indeed, in a fraction of a moment the white-hot agony, like poisoned needles poking at the insides of his skull, returned and the world outside ceased to exist.

* * *

Logain had dreamed of getting revenge on Taim for everything the man had put him through. Logain had dreamed of making Taim scream, of breaking him as he had broken many of Logain's friends and nearly Logain himself. That had been before the Last Battle, before Taim had met his end in a megalomaniac battle against Egwene al'Vere. Letting go had been hard - he had felt like he had been robbed of his chance for revenge, even justice - but he had done it. He had moved on. But now Taim was back, and not only that, but he had been handed to him on a silver platter.

Logain had agreed to interrogate the former M'Hael because it was not a duty he could possibly delegate. But Light, did it leave him feeling… empty.

He was not sure how much time had passed when he decided that he couldn't bring himself to carry on. Taim's statement had remained the same throughout the process; he remembered nothing. Logain believed him. He didn't want to - Light knows he wanted a reason to crush the man in righteous fury and be done with it! - but he did.

"Is this what you teach at the Black Tower?"

The ragged whisper startled Logain; he hadn't thought the other man was conscious. "No," he said. "It's what _you_ taught." He untied the flows of Air holding Taim and reflexively caught the man as his knees folded. Swearing under his breath he hauled the Saldaean across the small cell and dumped him unceremoniously onto the narrow cot. Then he turned and exited the cell, locking the door behind him.

Only Damer Flinn was left of the party that had originally accompanied him to the dungeons. He wondered briefly whether the man was under orders to show him out or to report to his Aes Sedai or the Amyrlin once Logain was gone. There was something like concern in the older man's eyes as he looked at Logain, but wisely enough he made no comment. "You can let Erin Sedai know," Logain said as he strode past the Asha'man, and without looking back he wove a gateway to the Black Tower's travelling grounds and stepped through.

He needed a drink.


	7. Chapter Six

Corele had stayed with Erin for a while after escorting her back to her apartment, but as the afternoon turned into evening she had told the other woman to leave. She wasn't sure whether being alone with her thoughts was any easier, but but she didn't want the company. At least nobody had to witness her being reduced to a nervous wreck. She kept the bond masked - a part of her felt like a coward for doing so, but the rest of her, which was a much more dominant part, really didn't want to know. Her only consolation was the thought that surely, after such a treatment, Logain couldn't still believe that Taim was holding something back.

It was late in the night when a knock on her door finally broke her out of the gloomy reverie. It was Asha'man Flinn. "It's… over?" Erin asked, willing her voice steady.

The old Asha'man nodded. "Logain has left," he said. "Do you wish to go down there?"

"Of course."

Flinn accompanied her down into the dungeons. He hadn't asked whether she wanted the company, and she would have denied had he done so, but a part of her was glad for the old man's steady presence. She thought of asking about the interrogation, about what had passed after she had left - she had only been there for the beginning, really - but she decided against it. She could ask Taim. Some day. Some day that was not today.

The place was dark when they arrived, and the light that Flinn channelled was decidedly dim. The old Asha'man opened the door to the cell, allowing Erin to enter. Taim didn't react to the sound of the door opening, and Erin couldn't see enough to be sure whether he was awake or not. Warily, she unmasked the bond… And shuddered at the sensation that flooded the bond, like pins and needles poking at her skin. "What exactly did Logain do to him?" she breathed.

"Manipulation of sensory nerves," Flinn replied in a low voice. "There should be no lasting damage, but he'll suffer from hypersensitivity for a while. He should be fine by morning."

"That's two too many 'shoulds' for my liking," Erin said coolly. The Asha'man said nothing to that, and Erin didn't really expect him to. She approached the cot and the figure lying on it, cautiously, as to make as little sound as possible. The bond was aflame with the tingling sensation that she was sure would have driven her crazy if she had been the primary experiencer; as it was, she only felt an echo of what Taim was feeling. She knelt beside the cot, at a loss for what to do. She couldn't tell whether Taim was actually aware of her presence or not.

"It might be best to let him rest," Flinn said behind her. "You can't do anything for him right now. And… I doubt he'd appreciate being seen like that." He shrugged as Erin threw him a questioning glance over her shoulder. "Vain bastard. Used to be, at least, and from what I saw today, that hasn't changed."

Erin had to admit that it sounded precisely like Taim. She accepted the old Asha'man's offered hand and stood up. "You're probably right," she said. "Thank you." They left the cell and its sole occupant in complete darkness. Erin tried not to read anything too ominous into that.

* * *

Taim followed the guard up the seemingly endless succession of stairs. Two more guards followed behind him, although he wasn't bound. He wasn't sure whether he was actually a prisoner still, since he was being taken away from the dungeons and all. He wasn't actually sure where he was being taken, but the bond told him that they were approaching Erin's location, so he figured it was good enough for the moment. He was more likely to get answers out of Erin than the rather sour men escorting him. Finally done with the stairs, they entered a hallway whose white floor was tiled with yellow mosaic flowers and more such flowers decorated the walls. They passed but a few Aes Sedai along the way, and the shawls - on those who were wearing theirs - were yellow-fringed. They were in the Yellow Ajah quarters.

They stopped behind a door, which opened before the leading guard could knock, revealing Erin Davian. The Yellow sister gave a small smile that on a normal person would have seemed nervous but surely not on an Aes Sedai..? Taim frowned; she even felt slightly anxious.

"Thank you, gentlemen, you may go," she said to the guards, who saluted and left. She ushered Taim in and closed the door behind him.

The sitting room was elegantly furnished, with bookshelves lining one of the walls, and the other walls covered with tapestries of soothing colours. There was a fireplace, in front of which there were two comfortable-looking armchairs with a small, round table of some dark wood between them. Two doors on the back wall led to other rooms, presumably a bedchamber and… a study? A maid's room? Did Aes Sedai have maids?

"So…" Erin said when they were alone. "I'm not quite sure what to say, so, I guess this is a welcome home. The other room," she gestured towards the door on the right, "has been my study for the past almost twenty years, but I've had it prepared for you. Sort of. I mean, it's very plain as I didn't have much time but perhaps it's better, we can furnish it to your taste."

It took a moment for the message to sink in. "Wait… You're saying I'm to live here?" Taim asked.

Erin nodded. "Some sisters have their Warders living with them, some don't. It's a matter of personal preference. But seeing as you're a special case, I'm not to let you far out of my sight at any time." She felt like she had her own opinions about the necessity of that but chose to keep those to herself. "It was one of the conditions for getting you out of that cell."

"I see." Well, it was an improvement, certainly, if not exactly ideal. "I suppose I can live with that." The bond transmitted something that felt like a mental eyeroll. Yes; his options were… not really options. He hoped that whatever the bond sent back to Erin translated into a mental shrug. "Well, let's see it then."

Erin hadn't been exaggerating when she said that the room was plain; there was a bed, a desk, a wardrobe and a wash stand that all were made of different types of wood. The bed cover was a patchwork quilt with yellow and orange squares, and the carpet was a deep burgundy red. The carpet could stay, he decided, while the bed cover would have to go. He might be bonded to a Yellow Aes Sedai, but that didn't mean he had to live in a room colour-coded after her Ajah. The walls were bare, which perhaps made the room seem even more ascetic than it actually was.

Out of curiosity he opened the wardrobe, not really expecting to find anything there. To his surprise, however, he found two coats - one green, the other a blue dark enough to be almost black - hanging there, as well as two pairs of simple black trousers and three shirts on the shelves. So Erin _had_ been busy. A closer look revealed that the clothes hadn't been made for him, however; the difference wasn't big enough to make the clothes uncomfortable to wear, but it was obvious that they had been made for someone with broader shoulders and a thicker waist. He changed, anyway, and washed up with the lukewarm water in the pitcher on the wash stand, before returning to the sitting room.

Erin was still there, but she wasn't alone. A young - or at least young-looking - woman wearing white looked up as Taim entered and nearly dropped the tray she was carrying. She recovered quickly and set the tray down on the table, but her green eyes were wide and she'd gone pale. She was pretty enough, though, with her coppery curls and those eyes… if you liked freckles. Taim wasn't sure he did.

"There now, child; my Warder will not harm you." Erin's voice was deliberately light, but she felt somewhat troubled. "Run along now, you can come get the tray after your session with Calindin Sedai."

The girl bobbed a curtsy and scurried off. Taim glanced after her before taking the seat opposite Erin. The tray on the table between them held two bowls of soup, bread, cheese and a pitcher of milk. The smell of food made him realise that he was hungry, but he ignored the food for now, instead turning to Erin. "What's wrong?"

The Aes Sedai gave a small smile. "Oh, Tabiya there just reminded me of two highly inconvenient truths." The smile turned wry. "One, that rumour spreads like wildfire here in the White Tower, and two, that people will fear you knowing who you were, regardless of the new circumstances."

Neither of these 'inconvenient truths' sounded particularly bad to Taim, but he could see where Erin was coming from. He didn't cherish the idea of being seen as harmless, but he knew that he wasn't likely to have any great level of freedom as long as he was seen as the former traitor M'Hael and - the idea still felt ludicrous - Forsaken. But either way, there wasn't much he could do about it, so he didn't see any reason to be having a conversation about it with the one person who for whatever reason could see beyond his past. He grasped the first topic he could come up with and, with a vague gesture at the clothes he was wearing, asked, "So tell me, whose wardrobe did you raid for these?"

A mixture of sadness and guilt spiked across the bond. "They belonged to my first Warder."

 _Oh. Of course._ "I suppose I should have guessed as much," he said. Then he decided that this was as good a time as any to ask some questions that he had been wanting to ask. "That reminds me. Your Amyrlin mentioned something about your 'history'..?"

Erin's face was blank for a moment. "My history, yes…" Her grimace was almost self-deprecating, and her feelings matched the expression. "My first Warder, Josua, was in his own was almost as unconventional a choice as you. I have been… accused… of having something of a saviour-complex. When I bonded Josua, he had just lost his wife in childbirth and didn't have much to live for. I gave him a reason to live, and he was my companion for ten years."

"Until the Aiel War," Taim concluded.

She nodded. "Yes; until the Aiel War. I was tending to the wounded and he was out in the battlefield, helping bring wounded soldiers in. I probably couldn't have done anything even if I had been closer; an arrow through the heart isn't exactly something you can Heal. Not unless you're Nynaeve Mandragoran, anyway… Or maybe Damer Flinn," she added, as if an afterthought.

"Flinn? The same Flinn who's bonded to that other Yellow?" The old man had seemed more like a soldier than a Healer. But then, appearances could be deceiving.

"The very same," Erin confirmed. "He discovered a way to Heal stilling. Nynaeve did the same, of course, but that doesn't make Flinn's discovery any less remarkable as the two discoveries happened completely separately." The bond carried a hint of amusement. "Flinn first Healed a few Aes Sedai who had been stilled in an accident… While Nynaeve went and Healed Logain Ablar. By accident, would you believe? That woman never did things the conventional way, I tell you."

Taim frowned, trying to sort through all the new information, things that were probably common knowledge but that he had no memory of ever hearing. "Logain was Healed?" he asked. Which, by extension, had to mean that he had been gentled before that.

The fleeting sense of surprise from Erin told him that she had forgotten, too, how much he didn't know. "Yes," she said. "Logain was a False Dragon, like yourself, but unlike you he was taken to Tar Valon and gentled. After Nynaeve Healed him, he went to the Black Tower and, apparently, led a faction there against you."

"Figures…" he muttered.

The bond flooded with amusement, tinged with something that he couldn't put a name to, but Erin didn't continue on the subject. Instead she just said, "You'd better eat your soup before it's cold."

* * *

It was somewhat before midday the following day. Erin stood at the edge of the training grounds, Corele Hovian by her side, watching the two men on the field before them going through some of the most basic sword forms. The other Aes Sedai didn't seem overjoyed with the arrangement, but had admitted that it was probably the best they could come up with. Damer Flinn had enough experience to be an adequate teacher, and more importantly, he wasn't afraid of Taim. And Taim needed to learn to wield a sword if he was to be a Warder in any real sense of the word. Erin still wasn't sure that the man _wanted_ to be a proper Warder, but his other options weren't any better, so he had agreed.

There was more to it than that, though. Somewhere during the hours of the previous night, Erin had been woken by a sudden sense of fear and pain over the bond. She had almost rushed to Taim's room, but then she had realised that he was still asleep. And before she could decide whether she should go anyway and wake him up or just mask the bond and leave him to whatever nightmare scenario he was going through, he had woken up on his own. He had woken up, and as soon as he had recovered enough of his wits to remember that he wasn't alone in his head, Erin could practically see the defences slam into place and the bond had turned forbidding, wary, bordering on hostile.

She had masked the bond, then. Neither of them had mentioned the incident in the morning, but Erin had decided she needed to give him something else to occupy his mind. It had taken a while to convince Corele that this was a good idea, but eventually she had succeeded and here they were.

Despite being the student, not the teacher, Taim dominated the scene with his sheer physical presence. He had something of a natural affinity to handling the weapon; it seemed to fit him, somehow, and he looked at ease wielding it. He copied Flinn's stance instinctively and repeated the basic forms that the Asha'man showed him with grace and precision. The bond transmitted growing confidence, making Erin smile.

When it was time to try and adapt the forms into practise, however, Flinn disarmed Taim within seconds. The old Asha'man picked up the fallen sword and handed it back to his student. "Not bad for a first session," he said.

Taim glared. The bond flooded with anger and indignation with an undercurrent of embarrassment. Erin tensed; she didn't expect him to cause a scene, but she needed to be ready to intervene in case he did. But he clamped down on his anger and accepted the sword with a nod. Something like wry amusement mingled with the annoyance and he cast a glance at Erin, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking.

"That'll be enough for today, I think," Corele muttered beside Erin.

Erin nodded in agreement. "Thank you for agreeing to this," she said. "It means a lot to us… Yes, him too," she added when Corele didn't look convinced. And it did, more than she suspected Taim even realised yet. As much as people's reaction to him might appeal to his vanity and penchant for dramatics, he needed people around him who didn't treat him like they expected him to turn into the Dark One himself while they weren't watching. Flinn wasn't one for unnecessary melodrama, the old Asha'man had his feet firmly on the ground and he didn't need to like Taim to be able to work with him.

Taim returned the practise sword to the weapons rack and returned to Erin, who handed him his coat. "What, exactly, did you imagine I might do?" he asked lightly once they were out of earshot from Corele and Flinn.

"Oh, I fully expected you to behave," she replied smoothly. "However, people have… defied my expectations before."

Amusement spiked across the bond. "'Defied your expectations'?" he repeated. "That's a fancy phrase for disappointment." After a while he added, "I suppose I'll try not to disappoint you."

"Really?" Erin arched an eyebrow; as much as she wanted to believe that Taim was a better person than he had been, she hadn't expected such a declaration out of him.

He returned the look with that peculiar not-quite-a-smile. "Might as well," he said. "Considering just about everyone here is expecting me to betray you somehow… I can at least amuse myself by proving them wrong."

Erin couldn't help but stare. The man really did have an ego the size of the Dragonmount! She thought briefly about confronting him about the matter, but decided against it. As far as motivations went, it wasn't exactly among the noblest she had ever seen, but if it kept him on a good behaviour, she might as well count her blessings and not complain.

* * *

The sword practice with Flinn became a daily routine - and attracted a larger audience every day. Erin was always there, of course, and Corele more often than not, but it seemed like more and more Aes Sedai were looking for excuses to walk by the training grounds and linger for a few moments to watch. On the fourth day Taim thought he saw even the Amyrlin Seat herself at the edge of the small crowd - only for a moment, though, as the surprise made him lose his balance mid-form and by the time he got up he couldn't be sure if it had actually been Cadsuane. When he looked around, he did see the Keeper's Warder, the Asha'man Narishma, where he had thought he'd seen the Amyrlin.

"You're paying way too much attention to them," Flinn noted dryly, "and not nearly enough to your feet." Completely ignoring the dark look Taim gave him, he went on, "I'll agree, though; it's getting ridiculous. If we're to be performing before a crowd, the least they could do is pay us." He chuckled at his own joke.

Taim wasn't sure what he was most annoyed at; getting distracted and losing his focus, stumbling and landing on his arse before so many witnesses, or being publicly admonished for both. He focused on dusting off his clothes and making his temper cool down. Absurdly enough, he felt something that might have been pride from Erin across the bond. He looked up, but she seemed to be deep in conversation with another Aes Sedai.

"What'd you say…" Flinn began thoughtfully. Taim gestured for him to continue. The old Asha'man did. "Figure Erin Sedai would mind if we went out to the city? I know a decent tavern and I think we've earned a pint…"

Taim frowned. He was fairly sure Flinn didn't like him, by any stretch of imagination. But the Asha'man didn't look like he was up to anything sinister. Slowly he shook his head. "I don't think Erin will mind," he replied. After a moment's thought he added, somewhat dryly, "Whether she's allowed to let me out of her sight is another matter entirely…"

Flinn barked a laugh. "Well, let's find out, shall we?"

* * *

Some time later they were sitting at a corner table in _The Tipsy Maid_. Taim had arched an eyebrow as he read the name on the sign above the door, but Flinn had simply grinned and told him that the place served the best ale in Tar Valon. Taim wasn't sure he believed that, but the ale was decent enough… even though he was discovering that he preferred wines. _Should have figured._

"What's so funny?" Flinn asked.

Taim waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. "A stray thought." He didn't elaborate. Instead, he changed the subject, "How did you come to be bonded to your Aes Sedai? Is it… common practice for the Asha'man to take up career as Warders?"

Flinn looked thoughtful. "Not 'common practice' exactly, I wouldn't say," he replied. "Besides myself there are currently less than a handful. Jahar and Androl, although Androl also bonded his Aes Sedai in turn. Curious, that." He paused to take a swig of his ale before continuing. "As for myself, let's say circumstances forced my hand and Cadsuane can be very convincing. I'm just glad it was Corele I ended up with and nobody else." He chuckled. "Those circumstances could actually be blamed on you, you know."

 _No, I don't know. That's precisely the problem._ But Taim didn't say that aloud. Instead he said, "Among the least of my crimes I assume…"

"Not sure I'd say that," Flinn replied. "You sent a bunch of Asha'man to assassinate the Lord Dragon, and as a result he thought we were all traitors and me and some others, we were forced to go into exile, kind of. And being bonded to an Aes Sedai offered some measure of protection, even against him and certainly against you."

"I did that?" Taim asked, but added immediately, "No, wait, don't answer that. Of course I did…"

"You're taking that quite well," Flinn noted.

Taim gave a minuscule shrug. "I've already been told I was a False Dragon and a Forsaken," he said. "How much worse can it get? And speaking from a Forsaken point of view, in a purely academic manner of course, I should be rather disappointed if I'd never attempted to kill the al'Thor kid."

Flinn shook his head, and his expression looked like he was trying to decide whether to be amused or mortified. He eventually chose the former. "If _saidin_ wasn't clean - and if you could still channel, of course - I'd say you've finally lost it." Then he added, "Assuming you ever were sane to begin with, which isn't all that certain."

But Taim was barely listening. He'd latched onto something the old Asha'man had said. " _Saidin_ is clean?" he said incredulously.

Flinn frowned. "Yes… But of course you wouldn't remember that either, I suppose. The Lord Dragon cleansed it, with the help of Nynaeve Sedai."

"The Lord Dragon cleansed it," Taim repeated blankly. "Of course he did. Cleansed _saidin_. Just like that. Why didn't I see that coming…" Of course it was the whole point of the Dragon Reborn to work miracles; what had he expected? For the first time since waking up to his new life he felt a touch of bitterness that he could no longer channel. It was absurd; he couldn't remember what it was like and he couldn't very well miss something he had never known. Or could he? He could certainly _want_ it - people wanted things they didn't have all the time. But he shouldn't have been feeling such a sense of loss when he thought of _saidin_ being clean and men all over the world channelling without the fear of madness.

He banished the thought and grasped at the first topic he could think of to get the conversation flowing again. "Tell me, Flinn, how did you come to the Black Tower?"

The Asha'man laughed. "It was no tower when I first came there," he said. "It was a farm. I was the first one you tested for the ability…" There was a faraway look in the old man's eyes as he went back through his memories. "I wanted to learn to Heal." He seemed amused. "You didn't know much about that, though. I was mostly left to discover things on my own. Well, Dashiva helped some. And of course once I met Corele…" He trailed off. "Well, enough of that. You're getting along with Erin Sedai, I presume?"

Taim shrugged again. "Well enough. It could be worse." He thought of Sarielle, and Cadsuane, and the cold-eyed Keeper of the Chronicles, Merise… "It could be a lot worse. Erin is almost human, for an Aes Sedai."

"Oh, you'd be surprised what they can be like in private…" Flinn remarked. "Or even in public when they find something interesting. Give Corele a hint of something she doesn't already know about Healing and watch the fabled Aes Sedai reserve fly out of the window."

"That sounds like there's a story there," Taim noted.

Flinn smiled, presumably more at the thought of her Aes Sedai than at Taim. "Sure is, if you care to listen."

"Why not? I'm not in a hurry to be back in the Tower…"

"Very well then," Flinn said. And he proceeded to tell the tale of how he had come to save Rand al'Thor's life and earn the respect of an Aes Sedai.


	8. Chapter Seven

It was an early afternoon some days later that Erin received a visitor. She was relaxing with a cup of mint tea and letting her thoughts wander when a knock on the door interrupted her. She looked at Taim, who was reading a book on the couch. "Will you get that or shall I?"

Taim set the book aside and went to open the door. Erin couldn't see the newcomer's reaction, but the amusement across the bond suggested that Taim found it satisfactory. Erin suppressed the urge to roll her eyes in exasperation, but she knew how boring life could be confined to the Tower and if simply having people flinch at the sight of him provided entertainment for her Warder, she could hardly fault him for that. But when she saw who the visitor was, she sprung to her feet and hastily sketched a curtsy. Taim's amusement changed to alert wariness as he saw Erin's reaction, but outwardly he gave no sign of interest and seemingly casually returned to his book.

"Erin," the First Weaver, Suana Dragand greeted her with a nod.

"I was not expecting visitors, First Weaver," Erin said, including Suana's title partly for Taim's benefit, knowing he was listening even though he appeared completely immersed in his book. "I would offer tea but-"

The head of the Ajah made a dismissive gesture. "Never mind the tea. I did not come here to socialise," she said. "I came to you because you are needed."

"Needed?"

Suana made an impatient sound. "Yes. In Caemlyn. Or rather the camps outside the city. As you know the reconstruction of the city itself is still under progress. And as ever, with so many people gathered in less than ideal living conditions, we're fighting a constant battle against disease. Elayne Trakand has sent word that there is need for more Healers. You are available…" She cast a glance at Taim and her mouth twisted in a grimace. "If you can keep a leash on that Warder of yours."

The feeling carried by the bond could only be described as _extremely unimpressed_. Erin schooled her face into a neutral, impassive expression and carefully avoided looking at Taim as she replied, "My Warder will not cause trouble."

The First Weaver didn't look entirely convinced. "Perhaps… it would be best if you left him here in the Tower," she said slowly, as if she had only now thought of the option, but Erin was sure that this was what she had been after all along.

Erin shook her head. "No," she said. "Mazrim will accompany me if I am to leave the Tower."

The use of Taim's first name earned a sharp look from the Ajah's head and a flash of amusement from the man himself. "Very well," Suana said coolly. "Corele and her Warder will be accompanying you as well. That should be plenty of Healers… What an incredibly convenient thing, a Warder who can also Heal." A pointed look said all too clearly everything that was left unspoken; why couldn't Erin have found herself such a _useful_ Warder as well?

Erin ignored the look and just smiled sweetly. "Yes, I'm sure it's nice."

The First Weaver frowned slightly, but didn't continue on the subject. "You're to meet up with Corele at the travelling grounds in an hour."

* * *

An hour later the two Aes Sedai and their Warders led their horses through the gateway to the travelling grounds established at the edge of the sprawling camp of refugees, soldiers and construction workers that had spread outside the walls of Caemlyn. A soldier was waiting for them, apparently having been informed of their imminent arrival, and he led them through the camp to where an infirmary had been set up. An Aes Sedai, a short Arafellin with silver bells in her braided hair, wearing a yellow-fringed shawl, was already at work among the sick, and looked like she had been at it for a while already. She looked distinctly relieved to see Erin and Corele.

Corele took a look around and took charge. "Is this the only infirmary? Camp this size, we should have several. Common folk on the other side of the camp probably won't even know there's Healing available all the way here."

The Arafellin sister began to stammer a response, but Corele paid her no further mind. Instead she waved over a few of the soldiers loitering nearby and began handing out orders to set up a tent, as big as they could find for the purpose, at a suitable location and get the word out. Then she turned to Erin. "You stay here with Beldemaine, me and Damer will take the new infirmary. That way we'll have two Healers at each location." She frowned. "You're in charge here. Make sure Bel takes a break soon. Won't do to have either of you completely exhausted, there's more people coming in all the time."

Erin nodded, and then Corele was on her way, Flinn right behind her.

Taim stood to one side, out of the way of the two Aes Sedai, but close enough to hear what was being said. Not that much of it was of any interest to him; Erin asked each patient how long they had been ill, where they got their drinking water from, and gave them advice regarding food hygiene and other things that seemed like common sense but apparently people needed reminding on. The other Aes Sedai, Beldemaine, was doing something roughly similar, as if taking her cue from Erin. It was curious, how it was Corele who had taken charge, and then left Erin in charge here in the first infirmary, even though Beldemaine had been there before either and seemed to have things under control. Doubly strange, as he was fairly sure that Erin wasn't a leader type by any means. No, there had to be something else to the hierarchy structure than natural talent for leadership. Perhaps he should ask about it, later.

After some time, perhaps an hour, Erin took a moment between two patients to talk to him. "You can go take a look around if you like," she said. "This can't be very interesting to watch. Just don't go too far and try not to… well, attract too much attention." She gave him an evaluating look. "I can trust you to do that, can't I?"

Taim almost-smiled and bowed slightly. "Absolutely." The Aes Sedai gave him a brief smile, and then she was immersed in her work again. The feeling from the bond was focused, calm and confident, more like an Aes Sedai than she had ever felt in the short time they had been bonded. Taim wondered at it briefly, but then he realised that Erin was a Healer, not only in the sense as any Aes Sedai or channeller who knew the weaves, but someone for whom it was the very purpose of life. She was doing what she knew best, and she could push other, uncertain things in life to the background. This sparked another realisation; he had never fully understood how out of her depth she really was in the situation with… well, with him. She was used to minding her own business, fading into the background, doing her job and being good at it, but not having to stand up to her superiors or peers. But her - what had she called it? saviour complex? - didn't allow her to abandon someone she thought she was somehow responsible for.

The last thought didn't sit too well with him. He wasn't anyone's responsibility, he didn't need to be looked after or protected or _kept on a leash_ , for Light's sake! He shook his head distractedly. At least Erin meant well. Unlike most of the others…

At least he he was out of the bloody White Tower, now, if only for a brief while. The people in the camp were such a motley crew that nobody paid him much attention apart from mostly being quick about getting out of his way, courtesy of the colour-shifting fancloth cloak he was wearing. With it and the sword at his hip he actually felt like a Warder. It was a nice change from feeling like a carnival freak or a charity case.

"Gaidin!" A shout disrupted his thoughts. He whirled around, a hand on the hilt of his sword - he spared a fraction of a moment to hope he wouldn't have to use it, because his skill wasn't exactly anywhere near the Warder standards yet - to see a man in a black coat hurrying through the crowd towards him. It was a young man, hardly more than a boy, his face pale and eyes wide. As he got closer, Taim saw that there was blood on his hands.

"Yes? What's happened?" Taim demanded. "Speak up, kid, don't just gape like a lackwit!"

The boy blushed bright red. "An accident," he gasped. "At a construction site. There was supposed to be… I can't Heal it!"

 _Heal..?_ The boy was an Asha'man? Or… whatever the Black Tower trainees were called. "Calm down," Taim said. Now he could see two other men making their way more slowly through the crowd, carrying a third one on a makeshift stretcher between them. "That your friend?" he asked. The boy nodded. "Follow me. My Aes Sedai isn't far." And that was true; Erin had been alerted by his alarm and was coming closer.

Taim led the youth and his friends back to the infirmary. Erin met them halfway, and the crowd parted before her even more efficiently than it had for Taim. "Set him over there," the Aes Sedai said after barely a glance at the wounded.

The men - neither of whom wore the black coat that seemed to signify the Black Tower - did as ordered, and the youth hovered behind Erin as the Aes Sedai knelt beside the wounded and laid a hand on his chest. Taim touched the boy's arm briefly. "Come, give Erin Sedai some space. You can't do anything, you said it yourself," he said. "Why don't you tell me what exactly happened."

The boy seemed reluctant to back off, but a look at Taim convinced him. "There was an accident," he stammered. "Repairing the wall. He fell. Right on top of where we'd stacked the damaged blocks of stone…" He looked down at his hands, noticed the blood as if for the first time and shuddered. Then the blood - and other dirt as well - began to peel off of his skin.

Channelling, Taim realised. "What's it like?" he asked without thinking. If he could have, he would have taken the words back; he didn't like the pathetic, almost wistful sound of it. But it was not possible. "Channelling," he added when the boy looked at him blankly.

"Oh, right," the boy said. "It's…" He frowned, thinking. "…Difficult to describe. Wonderful, of course. Just holding it, the Power, you feel like you could do anything… Well, of course you can't. Precisely what you can do depends on your strength, both overall and individually with the different elements…" He trailed off and shook his head, realising he was getting sidetracked. "Sorry, Gaidin. I don't think it can be properly described. Colours become brighter, everything is clearer, and you're in control, it's like holding a lightning storm inside you, mastering a force of nature."

"What is?" Erin's voice asked. She had finished the Healing and come up to them without their noticing.

"Channelling _saidin_ , Erin Sedai," the boy replied. "Your Warder was asking me-"

"Yes," Erin interrupted him. "I gathered as much. It was very nice of you to explain. However, I'm sure you have somewhere else to be. Don't let us keep you."

The boy looked flustered. "Yes, of course, Aes Sedai," he stammered. "I just… What about… Will he..?"

Erin made an impatient sound. "Yes, your friend will be fine," she said. "He needs rest, and plenty of food once he wakes up. But he will be quite fine, I assure you."

"Yes, of course, Aes Sedai," the boy repeated. "Thank you, Aes Sedai."

Then the boy, the Asha'man-in-training, was off and Taim was left to face Erin's searching gaze. She felt tired, still holding on to the implacable calm that surrounded her while she was working, but through the bond Taim could feel an undercurrent of concern in that calm. He met her gaze steadily, expressionless as stone. Erin was the first to look away, but as she turned to get back to work, she said quietly, "We will talk about this later."

"Talk about what precisely?" Taim asked, but she didn't appear to hear. He suspected that she had and was just avoiding answering, but he didn't press the matter, not when other people were around.

* * *

The day was long and at the end of it, Erin was glad to be getting back to the White Tower. Travelling really did make life so much easier. Of course Elayne Trakand had offered them rooms at the Palace in Caemlyn, but Erin had thought it best not to risk an encounter between the Queen and Taim. Rumour spread like wildfire, but Elayne was certain to have better things to do than keeping up with White Tower gossip, and as such Erin could only guess whether she knew or not. And if she didn't… Erin didn't feel up to explaining it all, not today.

She sunk into one of the armchairs with a deep sigh. Light, but it was good to be off her feet. The stairs up to the Yellow Ajah quarters had not been fun. Closing her eyes, she could feel Taim hovering nearby, clearly undecided about something. Probably about whether he should stick around or leave her for the night. "Sit," she said, gently but firmly.

His reluctance was almost tangible. "You're exhausted, you really should be getting some rest."

She allowed a wry smile touch the corners of her mouth. "And you're avoiding talking about something," she countered. "I'm inside your head, Mazrim, you can't hide something like that from me. _Sit_."

He did. The bond flooded with resignation and wariness. "Very well, Aes Sedai. What is it that you wish to talk about?" Formal, so very formal, it made Erin's head hurt.

"There's no need to be like that," she said, a touch impatiently. "You've been distracted ever since you spoke with that young soldier. I wish you would talk to me. About that, about anything that bothers you."

Something flared up in him, something bleak and cold, but he fought it down. His expression never changed. He barely even blinked. "There's nothing you could possibly do," he said finally. "What's the use talking about it?"

Erin had no answer to that. Instead she picked a tangent, "I wish you would at least let me ward your dreams against the nightmares…"

As whenever she brought up the topic of the nightmares, Taim closed up like a window shuttered. But after a while he shook his head. "I don't think they're just nightmares," he said slowly, almost hesitantly. "I think they're memories. And if I could only hold on to the dreams when I wake up… If I could just _remember_ …"

"Very well," Erin sighed. She didn't bother asking if he was sure he actually wanted to remember. She had asked that before and there had been no hesitation in his answer. He wouldn't be happy until he regained his memory - which might mean never - but could he possibly be happy if he did remember? Erin couldn't imagine that Mazrim Taim had been a happy man. Happy people didn't go around murdering and torturing people, and they most certainly didn't become Forsaken. She stood up - the room spun around her and she would have landed heavily back in the chair had Taim not sprung to his feet and caught her.

"You need your sleep, Erin," he said coolly. There was not much warmth in him; if anything, he felt almost as tired as Erin herself.

With his support, Erin made it to the bedroom. "Good night, Mazrim," she mumbled. He didn't reply, but there was a very brief flash of amusement across the bond, gone so soon that she might as well have imagined it. She collapsed on the bed, only vaguely aware that he shut the door behind him on his way out. She was asleep before she could even think of undressing.

* * *

The following day they were back in the camp outside Caemlyn. This time Beldemaine and another Yellow sister operated one of the two infirmaries, and Erin and Corele the other. There were not as many people coming in as the previous day, but still a steady stream of them, both those who were ill and those who had been injured in accidents on the various construction sites. Again Taim found himself with little else to do than watch. He paid especially close attention to Flinn as he worked. Of course he couldn't see the weaves of _saidin_ any more than he could see _saidar_ , but it was still fascinating to watch.

Flinn, of course, noticed him staring, and after a couple of hours the old Asha'man went to exchange a few words with his Aes Sedai and then turned to Taim. "Walk with me."

Puzzled, Taim followed him towards the outer edges of the sprawling camp. "Where are we going?" Taim asked.

Flinn glanced at him. "I see you have your sword," he said. "Good." Then he grinned. "It occurs to me that we've been skipping the practice, these past couple of days. If you want to learn anything, we'll have to be more consistent."

"…And this has absolutely nothing to do with distracting me from the fact that I can no longer channel, right?" Taim asked, voice fair dripping with sarcasm.

The Asha'man ignored the tone. "So what if it did?" he countered. "Doesn't change the fact that you need the practice, and I could take a break since three Healers weren't needed there." And then they arrived to an opening, where others were already sparring. Soldiers, mercenaries, refugees, some with wooden sticks and some with real steel, in twos, threes or even fours. Flinn picked a spot at a safe distance from anyone else and drew his sword. "Ready?"

Taim took off his cloak and coat, then followed suit. "As ready as I'm going to be." No sooner had words left his mouth than the Asha'man attacked, and Taim was forced to focus on his defence. Flinn drove him back a good few steps before he could get his bearings, but then he began to attack in turn and actually drove Flinn on the defencive. He was holding his own against the old Asha'man quite well by now, but of course Flinn was no blademaster himself; he was good, but an old injury kept him from pulling any really fancy moves.

The fight could have gone on for much longer, if not for the uneven ground. Used to sparring in the training grounds in Tar Valon, Taim wasn't paying enough attention to his footing and was caught unawares when suddenly there was a hole where there should have been solid ground. No amount of flailing could restore his balance, and he landed on his backside in the grass. He maintained his grip on the sword, however, and brought it up to parry a blow from Flinn even as he fell. The blow was easily deflected; there was no force behind it, as the Asha'man hadn't expected Taim to be able to parry it.

With a grin, Flinn sheathed his sword and shook his head. "You're still not minding your feet," he said good-naturedly as he extended a hand to help the other man up.

Taim grimaced slightly, but accepted the hand. "I know," he said. Inspecting the damage done by the fall, grass stains on the left elbow of his shirt seemed to be the worst of it. "I trust you'll keep me working at it," he added wryly.

"Absolutely," the Asha'man replied.

There was a moment's silence. Then Taim asked, "Figure we should be heading back, or have we got time for another?" Erin didn't seem impatient, but then again she wouldn't, not unless something was going wrong.

Flinn seemed to be doing a similar evaluation of the Aes Sedai's mood. Then the old man nodded. "We should be fine for another one."

* * *

They returned to Tar Valon earlier than the previous day, and as if on a wordless agreement, Taim and Flinn both headed to _The Tipsy Maid_ once their Aes Sedai were safely in the Yellow Ajah quarters. It seemed to be Flinn's favourite tavern, and as such Taim tolerated it despite the fact that the wine served there was atrocious. Flinn had got a good laugh out of it when he had pointed it out, and when Taim had asked why it was so funny, the old man had muttered something unintelligible about a 'refined taste in wines'.

"You discovered how to Heal severing," Taim said once they were sitting at their usual table and they both had a drink before them.

"Yes," the Asha'man replied warily. "And if you're thinking what I think you're thinking… Trust me, you'd know if you'd had the ability cut out of you. This is something more complicated."

Taim grimaced. "That's what Erin says. But she also says that there _is_ something wrong, she just can't seem to Heal it. And… severing was considered permanent, too, until you and that Nynaeve woman came along." No matter how he tried to keep his voice neutral, he could hear the pathetic, hopeful undertone and he instantly wished he hadn't spoken. Flinn said nothing. Frustrated, Taim shook his head and drained his glass. "Would you give up your ability to channel? For anything?" he asked.

"Anything?" Flinn repeated. "You forget I'm not only an Asha'man anymore. I'm a Warder. And that… changes everything."

Taim frowned, unsure if he was interpreting the other man's words right. "You'd give up _saidin_ for Corele?"

"Thankfully that is a purely academic question, because one does not simply _give up_ the ability," Flinn said dryly. "But ultimately… If it was a matter of saving Corele's life but risking burning out… I would. Without hesitation. Even if it couldn't be Healed." He met Taim's gaze steadily. "That's what it means to be a Warder."

"Yes. Of course." Taim sighed. He poured another glass of wine - it really was quite horrible - and drank half of it in one go, ignoring the look Flinn gave him.

Then the old Asha'man shook his head. "Maybe getting blind drunk is precisely what you need," he said, gesturing for the serving girl to bring him another pint. "Just bear in mind that I'm expecting you to show up for sword practice in the morning, regardless of how your head's doing."

* * *

It was a lot later that they finally made their way back to the Tower - slowly, not all that steadily, Flinn supporting the younger man. "If someone had told me a month ago that after the Last Battle I'd be getting drunk with Mazrim Taim…" the Asha'man muttered, not quite sure whether to be amused or just thoroughly… well, amused.

"If anyone told me anything a month ago, I haven't a clue," Taim replied almost cheerfully.

Flinn barked a laugh. "You were probably busy jumping whenever one of the other Forsaken said 'toad'," he said, then remembered that they were out where anyone could hear and threw a quick glance around; the street seemed empty. "Bloody well not too drunk to mind my flaming tongue, am I…"

Taim didn't reply. The former M'Hael seemed to have trouble placing one foot in front of the other in any orderly fashion, and Flinn shook his head. "Hey, don't you dare pass out yet, I'm not carrying you up to the Yellow Ajah quarters…"

"Don't be ridiculous," Taim replied, sounding so much like the old Taim that Flinn couldn't help but laugh.

It really was beyond absurd. But who was he to question the way the Wheel decided to weave? No-bloody-one, that's who. He could just try to adapt to the way things were, and right now it meant that he was, well, coming home drunk from a tavern with Mazrim Taim. And that was that. "Almost there," he said, which wasn't quite true as they were just through the gates into the Tower grounds and the most challenging part was still ahead, but he doubted Taim would notice much difference whether the journey took five minutes or five hours, right now…

It didn't take five hours, even if it did take twice longer than it should have. Flinn could feel Corele's impatience and disapproval over the bond, and mentally prepared to sleep on the floor. No matter. He was used to less than ideal sleeping conditions. The first stop, however, was at Erin Sedai's apartment.

The Aes Sedai opened the door in a dressing gown, her hair looking like she had already been sleeping. She gave Flinn a flat look. "Thank you for returning my Warder, Asha'man Flinn," she said tartly.

"You could have found us at any time if you didn't want him to stay out late," Flinn replied, struggling to stifle a smile. He was fairly sure she wouldn't appreciate the comedy of the situation.

But she seemed to realise her remark had been out of place. "I know. I'm sorry." She sighed. "Well then, let's get him to bed. Will you help me?"

"Of course."

Erin took Taim's other arm and together they walked him to his room. Flinn watched the two of them as Erin removed the coat and boots of her Warder. There was something familiar about the way she looked at him, but his brain wouldn't co-operate enough to figure out what exactly. Only when he was halfway back to the apartment he shared with Corele did it strike him.

Min Farshaw. The look on Erin Sedai's face when she looked at Taim was just like the way the Farshaw girl had used to look at the Lord Dragon.

_Well, I'll be damned…_

* * *


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, unless I've missed something, there is no option/setting to make the first chapter officially a prologue? Because my chapter numbers are screwed. (And no, I didn't only just notice it but I've been thinking I must be just stupid and kept looking in the options to do something about it... ^^) Oh well. Anyway. What does one have to do to get feedback around here? (Besides writing about Mat or Lan/Nynaeve, neither of which is my cup of tea.) Because really, even a "keep it up" or "please stop writing" would be appreciated at this point. XD

It was perhaps a bit before midday the following day. Erin was sitting on a bench by the training grounds, once again, watching Taim and Flinn sparring. Her Warder had refused Healing for his headache, simply glaring wordlessly at her when she had offered. She had expected the training session to be short, but Taim took to the exercise with a fury that suggested that he wasn't entirely happy with how last night had turned out. Whatever had possessed them to get drunk like that? Knowing Taim, she would probably never find out. Well, it wasn't as if she didn't have her theory of the events of the evening…

"Erin! There you are…"

She turned to see Sarielle striding towards her, with Alinsar by her side. "Here I am," she agreed. "I haven't exactly been hiding, have I?"

The Blue sister ignored the comment. "You didn't report the incident," she said flatly. "I've just returned from the Black Tower, and Logain says he hasn't heard anything about a rogue channeller attacking Aes Sedai."

Erin inhaled sharply; she _had_ completely forgotten about it! "Oh Light…" But then again, she had kind of been distracted by other factors, namely Taim turning out to be… well, Taim.

Sarielle regarded her coolly. "Indeed. And now a Blue sister is missing. Last known location, Four Kings." She folded her arms beneath her breasts and waited for her words to sink in. "You encountered him in Whitebridge, but it's reasonable to assume that he probably doesn't hunt in the same place twice. Especially as you got away and should have reported the incident, alerted the Black Tower…"

"Missing?" Erin repeated faintly. If something had happened to an Aes Sedai, something that she could have prevented had she not been a Light-blinded idiot… She was vaguely aware that Taim had finished sparring and was coming closer, alerted by the change in her mood. She glanced at him and shook her head slightly; he nodded and halted some distance away and seemingly busied himself in conversation with Flinn.

"Yes. Missing." Sarielle threw an icy look in Taim's general direction. "Logain wants to talk to you. You're summoned to the Black Tower."

"Summoned? I didn't know Logain had the authority to 'summon' Aes Sedai…" Erin remarked. It wasn't that she didn't want to co-operate, but it seemed unnecessary to her to be taking Taim to the Black Tower. Even though he didn't remember, there were bound the be Asha'man there who did remember him, and she would have preferred to avoid the risk of conflict, if possible. Unless Sarielle was suggesting that she leave Taim behind.

The Blue sister seemed to read her thoughts. "Oh, don't be ridiculous," she said with a sniff. "This isn't about your Warder. And if you don't want to obey a summons from Logain, I'll be more than willing to take the matter to the Amyrlin Seat and see what Cadsuane says."

Erin stared at her friend; she really would do it. The thought of bringing Cadsuane into this was daunting, to say the least. "That won't be necessary," she muttered with resignation. "I'll go to the Black Tower. When does Logain wish to see me?"

Sarielle nodded with grim satisfaction. "Thought you'd see sense. Logain will be expecting you in the afternoon. I will come get you when it's time."

There was no room for argument. Erin sighed. "Very well then. I'll see you later, Sarielle." She nodded at the Warder beside the Blue sister. "Alinsar." Then she turned and started towards the Tower. The bond told her that Taim followed instantly, and soon the Warder had caught up with her.

"What was that about?" Taim asked once they were out of earshot.

"We're going to the Black Tower." Erin glanced up at him. "Or… at least I am going. I suppose you don't need to if you'd rather not…" It was funny, she reflected; she would have fought tooth and nail against anyone else suggesting that she leave Taim behind, but now she was offering him the chance to opt out of the visit. She just didn't want to… well, to put him in an awkward situation. She briefly wondered how many other Aes Sedai ever spared a thought to such considerations - or how many ever had to.

"Of course I'll come with you," Taim said. The bond carried agitation, distrust, something bordering on outright hostility, but also curiosity. Outwardly there was no sign that anything was going on beneath the surface; the man's composure was unbreakable. "Whatever else I may be, for the moment I _am_ your Warder. Me not being there with you would send a message, whether any was intended or not."

He was right, of course, and Erin told him so. "I just wish it wasn't all so… complicated," she added with a sigh.

Now there was definitely amusement, and the familiar almost-smile flickered across his lips. "Complicated," he said, "in my currently rather limited experience, is what makes life interesting."

Erin smiled despite herself. "I guess that's one way to see it," she replied. "But there is such a thing as too interesting, in this sense of the word. Sometimes I'd rather my life wasn't quite this 'interesting'…"

Taim didn't seem to have an answer to that.

* * *

Some hours later they stepped through a gateway to the Black Tower travelling grounds; Sarielle Teorin led the way with Erin and Taim right behind her. Alinsar came last, although Taim couldn't see what the other Warder thought needed keeping a watch out for in the Tower grounds. Unless he was there to keep an eye on Taim himself, of course. Taim mentally rolled his eyes; whatever Alinsar thought he could possibly do was beyond him.

The man waiting for them looked more like a farmer than anything, if not for the black coat and the sword and the Dragon pins marking him as an Asha'man. He gave Taim one carefully expressionless look and then proceeded to ignore him in that pointed way that was anything bur ignoring. Sarielle greeted him like the two knew each other, or were previously acquainted at the least, and the lot of them followed the man into the…

Well, it wasn't a _tower_ by any stretch of imagination. It was a collection of buildings ranging from quite ordinary-looking townhouses to massive, bulky buildings that might be barracks, to a palace-like structure in the centre of it all. The whole thing was surrounded by a tall, black wall. Taim did a quick double-take on what Flinn had told him about the place - _how_ long ago had it been founded again? It seemed like all this couldn't possibly have been built in such a short time. Then again, the men building it had been working with the One Power. That must have made a considerable difference.

It was… impressive. There was no way around it. And it had been Taim's. By all logic it could still have been his if he hadn't turned traitor and joined the ranks of the Forsaken. _Yes, if not for that tiny little mishap…_ He caught himself before a grimace could form; nothing of his thoughts showed on his face. Erin, of course, felt the change in his mood and he in turn felt her concern, but he didn't look at her. For some reason that made the concern deepen, with an undercurrent of sadness.

The palace-like building was their destination, just like Taim had predicted. Two men with only the sword pin were standing guard at the main entrance. Both of them gave Taim the same treatment as the Asha'man leading the party, but other than that they were allowed in without an incident. The interior of the palace looked like it was undergoing a renovation of some sort; the main hallway they walked along seemed quite finished, but elsewhere it seemed like the floors and walls were lacking the final layer, and elsewhere yet the colour theme was completely different from the main hallway. Looking at the dramatic and frankly oppressive colour choices of crimson on black in the not-yet-touched passages Taim had a sinking feeling that the design had been his, whereas the less aggressive theme of black, blue and cream of the main hallway had to be Logain's. Well, he supposed it made sense that Logain wanted to redecorate the place to suit his own style and to erase every trace of Taim's reign. He told himself he had absolutely no reason to mourn the loss of something he couldn't remember ever having. He wasn't sure he believed it.

The Asha'man led the small party to a room that looked like it couldn't decide whether it was a study or a small library; it was large, spacious, with two opposing walls covered with bookshelves filled with books. Taim wondered briefly whether the collection was Logain's or his. Except that of course it was Logain's now, whatever it had previously been. The wall opposite the door was sporting a massive painting depicting a battle scene; a man with red hair, wielding a blazing sword of fire, fighting against a dark figure with flames roaring out of its mouth and eyes.

Only when the Asha'man spoke to announce them did Taim notice that there was someone in the room; Logain Ablar stood up from where he had been sitting, behind the massive table dominating half the room, his back towards the painting. "Thank you, Grady," the leader of the Black Tower said, his deep voice strong and authoritative. He seemed somehow different than - _that day_ \- somehow more in command although there certainly had been no question about who was in control back then either. _We are in his territory, now, whereas last time he was an outsider in the White Tower,_ Taim realised. Another realisation followed; Logain had been gentled there. His memories of the White Tower had to be painful, to say the least. Perhaps he had even been kept in the very same dungeon. The thought was less amusing than Taim might have expected.

"Sarielle Sedai," Logain addressed the Blue sister first. "Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. We are naturally hunting down any renegades that survived the war, but as we have no accurate information on how many we should be looking out for, the process is slow and unreliable. And we must assume that any survivors would be intelligent enough to go deep underground." As Sarielle nodded, the Asha'man turned to Erin. "Erin Sedai. I wish I could say it's good to see you again." For the briefest moment his eyes strayed to Taim, a look that made Saldaean winter seem warm.

Erin smiled thinly, even as the bond flooded with weary sadness. "Believe me, M'Hael Logain, the feeling is mutual."

Logain stiffened at the title, his jaw clenching. "I do not use that title," he said flatly.

Erin inclined her head briefly. "Very well. I apologise if I gave offence."

"Any chance we might get to the point some time today?" Sarielle, ever the tactful one, asked sharply. "I have a sister missing and as entertaining as this all is, I should rather prefer to be catching this renegade of yours and finding Avari."

"Of course." Logain sat down again and gestured at the chairs on the other side of the table. "Please, be seated."

Sarielle and Erin did, while the two Warders took position standing behind their Aes Sedai. Alinsar's hand seemed to be casually hovering about the hilt of his sword, though Taim couldn't imagine what the man thought he could do with it if anyone wielding the One Power decided to harm his Aes Sedai. Taim kept his hands clasped behind his back and his face as neutral as he could manage.

Once they were all sitting down, Logain spoke again. "Now, tell me everything you remember about this man, this channeller. Please." Despite the added 'please', it was still more an order than a request.

Erin felt mildly annoyed, but she obeyed readily enough; the embarrassment of forgetting to report the incident in the first place was strong across the bond. "He wasn't very tall," she began. "Perhaps half a head taller than myself. Light brown hair, a very plain face… Blue eyes, I think, but I'm not completely sure." She paused for a moment to think. "A very good actor. Did a good show of acting shy and harmless. Pleasant voice. No specific accent that I could distinguish." Another pause. "I'm afraid that's all I can give you."

Logain nodded grimly. "That may be enough," he said. "It certainly sounds like Estevan Marle, and his status has been unknown since the war. One of Taim's, easily powerful enough to Travel, or to fight while maintaining a shield on you. I always suspected the Taint had got to him before the Cleansing, but he didn't act any more aggressive than any of Taim's cronies so I couldn't very well try to take him down without starting a full-out war." He spoke as if Taim wasn't there, and again annoyance spiked over the bond from Erin. She held her peace, however.

"Would I be right to assume that you have a plan?" Sarielle asked.

The Asha'man smiled thinly. "You would, indeed." The plan was simple. They would lay a trap for the renegade, with two Aes Sedai and two Asha'man. One of the Aes Sedai would serve as a bait, being as openly Aes Sedai as they possibly could without being too obviously flaunting it, and the other Aes Sedai and the Asha'man would disguise themselves, and they'd hope to lure Marle into the open. "It may not be much," Logain admitted with a grimace, "but we have no other way of hoping to find him. If we can get a few of such groups out there, staying in shady inns in some of the bigger cities, which seems like something he might see as good hunting ground…"

Sarielle didn't look overly impressed, but neither did she seem to come up with anything better. "I will be one of the Aes Sedai," she declared.

Logain looked doubtful. "I would prefer to utilise pairs of bonded Aes Sedai and Asha'man, for better communication and co-operation," he said. But he seemed to recognise a losing battle when he saw one. "Oh, very well, Sarielle Sedai. We'll have you in one of the teams." Then he looked at Erin, as if remembering that she was still there. "You won't do, not without some heavy use of Mask of Mirrors, at least. He knows your face. And obviously your Warder's."

"It feels wrong that I shouldn't be part of this operation," Erin said. "If this Marle person has Avari Sedai, it's my fault for not alerting the Black Tower sooner." She held Logain's gaze steadily before continuing, "But if you consider me a liability, I will stay out of it. I leave it to your judgement."

Logain considered her for a long while; he looked as if he had expected her to argue, to demand to be a part of the operation just like Sarielle. "No," he said eventually. "You could be useful. You know what the man looks like, unlike most of the other Aes Sedai. And I trust you can be discreet enough to not alert him if you do see him."

The satisfaction across the bond told Taim that something like this had been Erin's aim all along. The Aes Sedai kept her voice perfectly neutral, however, when she replied, "Of course."

Then there was a knock on the door. With a frown, Logain called for the intruder to enter, and the door opened to admit the same Asha'man they had met earlier, Grady. "My apologies for interrupting, sir, but you wanted to know as soon as Androl returns."

A shadow seemed to pass over Logain's face as he pushed his chair back and stood up. "Yes. Thank you." He turned to Sarielle, who also stood, with Erin following suit. "I'm afraid our time is up for now, ladies Aes Sedai," Logain said. "I will send word to you when the arrangements at our end are done. If any of the Asha'man and Aes Sedai pairs residing in your White Tower wish to volunteer, I ask that you send them to me later today. Now you must excuse me…" He strode past the two Aes Sedai and addressed Grady again. "They're being brought to the Hall of Judgement, I presume?"

The Asha'man nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Good. I trust you'll show our guests back to the travelling grounds." Without another look at said guests, Logain was off, leaving the Aes Sedai and their Warders alone with Grady. Sarielle opened her mouth - to protest or to question what was going on, Taim didn't know - but Erin laid a soothing hand on her arm. The Blue sister glared at the Yellow, but held her peace.

As Grady led them out of the palace, they glimpsed a larger group turning off into another hallway. Three of the men were clearly guarded as prisoners; two were ordinary-looking men except for the black Asha'man uniforms, but the third one, a tall young man with golden hair, caught Taim's eye. And as Taim watched, the man looked back - and stopped dead in his tracks. Terror and loathing and _hope_ warred on the beautiful face… But then the Asha'man escorting him nudged him into motion again, none too gently. The young man said something - too far for Taim to hear - but apparently it was not appreciated by his guards, for as soon as he had spoken his head jerked to one side, as if struck, except that nobody had made a move at him. So someone had channelled to strike him.

And then the procession vanished around a corner. Taim realised that both Erin and Sarielle were staring at him, Erin with concern and Sarielle with cold judgement. Taim ignored both, addressing Grady instead. "Who was that?" he asked. _And why did he look at me as though he expected me to somehow save him?_

The Asha'man hesitated, but then shrugged. "The tall one is Atal Mishraile," he said.

"And they're the ones being taken to the Hall of Judgement, am I correct?"

Grady looked uncomfortable about giving out any more information, but apparently didn't see any reason to deny it. "Yes." He continued walking, and the others followed him, but Taim still had questions and he was going to ask them unless told to stop.

"What's going to happen to them?"

Grady glanced at him over his shoulder. "They're going to be sentenced for their crimes against the Light and the Black Tower." After a second he added, "You might want to not display quite so much interest in your _former_ favourites if you want to convince anyone of your new allegiance…"

Taim opened his mouth for a sharp retort, but the bond carried a sense of warning, and he closed it again without speaking. _My current 'allegiance' is myself, and perhaps Erin Sedai, not your Light, Shadow or the flaming twilight,_ he thought, and had to admit that Erin was probably right; it might not have been a good idea to say that out loud.

The blue eyes, half-pleading, half-accusing, haunted him all the way back to Tar Valon.

* * *

The following day began again with sword practice; Flinn was adamant about that, especially as they weren't supposed to be back in the Black Tower until midday. Flinn and Corele had volunteered for the manhunt for the renegade Asha'man and therefore would be coming along. Taim was vaguely glad for that. He wasn't sure if he would call Flinn a friend - and even less sure how the old Asha'man saw the matter, and he wasn't about to ask - but his company was… less grating than that of most others.

This morning Flinn was pushing him hard; the old Asha'man had somehow talked another Warder into joining the session and that's who Taim was sparring with, while Flinn himself watched and barked orders and corrections to his forms. Fen Mizar, the Warder, was not cutting Taim any slack, and he had been disarmed repeatedly over the past hour or so and was beginning to get frustrated. The man was younger, faster, and more vicious than Flinn, and didn't have an old, poorly healed injury holding him back. And he was Saldaean, which seemed to make it personal for him.

"Pay attention!" Flinn barked as Taim was slow to evade and Mizar's sword scraped briefly along his jaw, drawing blood. At the edge of the training grounds, Erin brought her hand up to rub her own jaw. But Flinn paid no mind to the blood. "I don't know who got it into your head that you're useless because you can't channel, but that's bloody horsecrap. Does Fen here look useless? Do you think Joline Sedai doesn't need him and Blaeric to guard her back? Would you suggest that Lan Mandragoran is useless? He can't channel either." All the while, Mizar never ceased his attack on Taim, and Taim had to work harder than ever to defend himself. He was no longer sure the other Warder would stop short of causing serious injury.

"Do you think Erin Sedai doesn't need you?" Flinn kept going. "Sure, she could get a better Warder any day of the week, but she's honourable enough to keep you, and you're luckier than you know because if not for Erin, you'd have been facing the Black Tower's justice long go. The least you can do is to be a real Warder instead of a clown in a fancy coat." The bond carried a vague sense of embarrassment, for whatever reason; Taim could only assume that Erin was listening, but why _she_ should be embarrassed at the tirade was beyond him.

And Erin wasn't the only one listening; Corele, Joline Maza and her other Warder Blaeric were all there, and more people besides. If Flinn's new training technique involved public humiliation, it was working, though for whatever purpose Taim couldn't fathom. He suddenly got tired of defending and launched into a counter-attack. And Flinn wasn't still done. "In a few hours' time your Aes Sedai is going to place herself in danger, and you can't afford to rest assured that the channellers will deal with everything that may come up. You're her Warder. She needs to know you have her back. You need to be up to the task. Am I making myself clear?"

Taim raised his sword in an aggressive form and put all his force into the move - knowing that in a real fight against any competent opponent this would most likely have been the last thing he ever did as it left him way too open for an incoming attack - and struck at the bewildered Warder. Mizar's parry was half-hearted at best, and the force of the blow twisted his wrist and sent the sword flying from his grip. It also sent Taim off balance, and he had to scramble inelegantly to keep his footing. After a frantic look around - Mizar hadn't magically summoned another sword and wasn't about to run him through - he straightened and faced Flinn. "Crystal."

The old Asha'man stared back flatly for a long while before his expression broke into a grin. "Knew you had it in you," he remarked. "Somewhere. That's still far from pretty, but at least you were trying."

Now it was Taim's turn for a flat stare. "So you _were_ just trying to goad me."

Flinn barked a laugh as he turned around and started towards Mizar to see if the Warder needed Healing. "Oh, don't think I didn't mean every single word," he said over his shoulder as Taim followed. "You _do_ need to step it up. But for the - later today - I think we've got Erin's back. Just, you know, something for you to think about." He Healed Mizar's wrist, which had indeed been injured, and then turned back to Taim, eyeing the bleeding scratch along his jaw. "I wouldn't bother with that thing, but Erin Sedai may have to watch your ugly face for years yet, so no reason to leave a scar to make it even uglier." He placed a hand briefly on Taim's shoulder and the faint chill of minor Healing ran through him. "There you go, good as new."

Taim nodded his thanks, with a wry almost-smile touching his lips. He was aware of Erin approaching before she reached them; she had picked up his coat and cloak and handed them to him. "Well then, we have just enough for you to get cleaned up and grab a bite to eat before Logain's expecting us."


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Eirenne Saijima for her comment & letting me know that it's not completely pointless to keep posting here also. ^_^

Logain's study was crowded with people; Asha'man and Aes Sedai and a few non-channeller Warders were gathered before the desk, behind which stood Logain himself, watching the gathered crowd. "You all know your part in this," the leader of the Black Tower said. "Get a move on. I want all teams in position before evening."

Erin looked around at the other members of her team. Or rather, Androl Genhald's team, as it was. They were five, six counting Taim, whereas the other teams had four channellers. Androl's bondmate, Pevara Tazanovni of the Red Ajah, was of course in the team, as were Corele and Flinn. Androl's rank as something of a second-in-command to Logain - Erin wasn't sure how official the rank was - placed him as the leader of the team, but the stocky Asha'man looked at Pevara, who took charge.

The Red sister gave the team an evaluating look. "The clothes will do," she said. And indeed, neither Flinn nor Androl were wearing the Asha'man uniform. "But we'll need to disguise at least myself, Androl, Erin, and… _him_." The last part was accompanied with a stiff nod towards Taim. "Corele, you'll be our bait. Flinn should pass for a regular Warder easily enough, he was gone from the Black Tower before Marle was recruited, I don't think you've ever met." The short woman's dark eyes glinted with determination. "Come with me. Can't focus on proper masks in this crowd."

Not an hour later Erin was staring at herself in the mirror. She was… _pretty_. Large, dark eyes looked back at her from a delicate, heart-shaped face framed by dark curls. Pevara herself - wearing a young girl's face, pale with freckles and a slightly upturned nose that some might find cute - was adding some final touches to her costume. "You'll be posing as a rich merchant's daughter," the Red sister said. "And I as your maid."

For a brief moment Erin wondered why the roles weren't the other way around - Pevara was not only placed at the head of the operation, but also stood higher in the One Power than Erin - but then she realised that in her guise as a maid Pevara would be more free to move and watch everything unnoticed. Erin might as well get a room for herself and sit there for all the good she would be able to do. With a frown, she banished such thoughts. Her part was important, too; Pevara needed someone to act the other role or there would be no point for her to be a maid.

Taim and Androl were wearing new faces as well; they looked perfectly ordinary and enough alike that they could have been brothers. "And we're your men-at-arms, two brothers from Whitebridge, hired by your paranoid father to see that you get safely to Caemlyn," Androl added with a grin. The expression faltered slightly as he included Taim in his gesture, but the Asha'man recovered quickly. Taim didn't seem to notice; he was frowning at the mirror and the feeling over the bond was just generally unimpressed. Corele and Flinn watched the proceedings, the former with a touch of impatience, while the latter seemed to find Taim's reaction to his new face highly amusing.

"Of course, it goes without saying that we can't appear to know Corele and Flinn," Pevara said. "Even if we never catch a glimpse of Marle. Corele will need to appear to be alone except for her elderly Warder."

Erin turned to Taim and, smiling up at him, raised her hand to push a stray lock of now light brown hair behind his ear. "You don't look too bad," she said, attempting a light tone. In truth, it was beyond strange to see him like this, and she found that she much preferred his real face, but the mask wasn't ugly, either.

The bond transferred a flash of amusement, but it felt somehow… reserved. "Neither do you," he replied. Erin smiled at that, but of course the bond had also transferred the twinge of resentment as she was inadvertently reminded that her own face wasn't much to look at. "I probably shouldn't have said that," Taim said, with the slightest hint of a question in his voice.

Erin shook her head. "Don't worry," she said, a touch wryly. "It's quite fine." Light, she really needed to start acting her age! She hadn't been bothered by her looks or the lack thereof in decades. Being friends with Sarielle she had got used to being outshone in every way possible, except at Healing. She didn't need to be any prettier than she was; it wasn't as if she was trying to attract suitors, for Light's sake! But regardless, she cast one last look at the mirror before following Pevara and Androl out. She knew Taim noticed, but she could barely bring herself to care.

* * *

They Travelled a couple of miles west of the city of Four Kings - Androl, Pevara, Erin and Taim. Corele and Flinn would be following a while behind. They had agreed on an inn, and a couple of alternatives if the first one didn't have room for both parties; Corele would upon her arrival sense whether the other Aes Sedai were inside and if they weren't, she would continue to the next one.

The first inn had rooms enough - not that they were planning on sleeping there, but not getting rooms would have looked suspicious. Taim found himself tasked with looking after the horses, and by the time he got to the common room Erin was sitting at a table in the common room with a glass of wine and a platter of dried fruit before her. Pevara was nowhere to be seen, but Androl was seated at the table next to Erin's, and as he saw Taim the Asha'man gestured him over. Taim went, although he would have much rather sat with Erin. Erin looked at him as he passed her table and smiled up at him, something like regret briefly shading the bond.

"Her father pays us for protecting her, not for flirting with her," Androl said sharply as Taim sat down at the table.

Taim looked around and saw a serving girl, easily within earshot, and smirked. "Whatever you say… brother." He briefly wondered whether he was supposed to be the younger or older brother, and whether such a detail was relevant in any way.

Androl looked like he wanted to scowl at the 'brother' part, but smoothed his expression into an outwardly jovial grin. For a moment it seemed as though he was listening to something - nobody was speaking - and then the grin widened a fraction. Taim watched him warily; was the man mad? He thought Flinn had said the madness of the Taint could now be Healed, as well.

It was perhaps half an hour before Corele and Flinn showed up. The Aes Sedai made a fine show of being 'discreet' about her identity; the hood of her cloak drawn up as if to conceal her ageless features, the Great Serpent ring only briefly visible as she paid the innkeeper for a room and supper. Before too long, word would spread that there was an Aes Sedai staying at _The Red Rooster_ , and if the Marle character was around… Well, that was still no guarantee that he would show himself, but if he really was hunting Aes Sedai, he would. And if he did not show up here, perhaps one of the other teams employing similar tactics in other cities would have better luck.

The evening dragged on with excruciating slowness. At some point a musician wandered in, a young man playing the flute, and soon after that the crowd in the common room more than doubled and the noise became tenfold. Yet there was no sign of Marle. Erin's feelings across the bond were a curious mixture of alertness and boredom, and Taim had to admit that he could have done with some action himself. The game of stones he had started with Androl had ground to a halt and he didn't even remember whose turn it was supposed to be, anymore.

Suddenly he became aware that Erin had got up and was approaching. He turned to look at her - the beautiful mask-face was set in a determined smile. "I don't suppose either of you two dances? Such a lively tune, seems a shame to waste the chance," she said, loudly over the noise, nodding at the flutist and the other couples that were already dancing.

"Miss Denna," Androl began, addressing Erin by the agreed alias, but whatever he was about to say, Taim interrupted him.

"I might," he said and rose from his seat in a smooth movement, offering the Aes Sedai his hand. She took it. He thought he could hear Androl muttering behind him as he led Erin to join the other dancing couples.

The Aes Sedai seemed to dance better than the last time, which seemed to be years ago. She liked dancing, that much was evident even without the bond; her eyes shone in a way that had nothing to do with the mask she was wearing. And if she perhaps clung to him tighter than was strictly necessary, well, he couldn't be sure it wasn't just his paranoia and he most certainly wasn't going to bring the subject up.

Several songs later - Taim had lost count, trying to focus on both the dancing and watching everything around him at once - Erin finally returned him to his seat at the table. Erin joined them, seeing as her previous table had been occupied while she had been dancing. Taim could see a glimpse of Pevara, as the Red Aes Sedai moved deftly among the crowd; she somehow managed to look like she was going about some important tasks although for all Taim could see she was just walking back and forth across the common room.

The flutist started a slower song for a change - Taim thought it was _The Wind that Shakes the Willows_ , but without hearing the lyrics he couldn't be sure - and most of the dancers cleared out to get back to drinking. Taim had a feeling that he was being watched - a look around confirmed that nobody remotely resembling Marle was around… And then his eyes fell on the flutist. The man seemed to be staring right back at him, but only for a moment, and after a minute Taim couldn't be sure that he hadn't just imagined the whole thing. The flutist certainly looked nothing like Marle - and, Taim reminded himself, _he_ looked nothing like the Taim Marle knew, either - with his black hair and piercing blue eyes. And while it was difficult to tell his exact height while he was sitting, he looked a fair bit taller than Marle.

Taim leaned closer to Androl and said, "I'm guessing that Marle fellow knows Mirror of Mists…"

Androl glanced at him sharply. "Fair assumption," he replied. "You certainly did, and we must assume that therefore your followers did, also. How come? Do you think..?" He trailed off and followed Taim's gaze to the flutist. The Asha'man snorted. "He might know Mirror of Mists, but I'm fairly certain he had no musical talent."

Taim fought the urge to glare. "I'm certain there's something suspicious about him…"

"Very well," Androl said. "We'll keep an eye on him, too." But he didn't seem convinced.

And as soon as Androl was focused on something else again - or so it seemed to Taim - the flutist looked straight at Taim again and a small smile curved the young man's lips. And Taim couldn't help the dreadful certainty that he knew this man. Whether it was Marle or not, he knew with as much certainty as he had known that going to the White Tower was a bad idea, that he had seen that innocent-looking smile before, and that it was not a good sign nor was there anything innocent behind it. He fought a shudder and lowered his gaze, breaking eye contact. He could feel Erin's alarm, but outwardly the Aes Sedai in disguise was watching the proceedings in the common room with a bored expression. He tried to send something reassuring over the bond, but no matter how accomplished a liar he might be, he couldn't pretend that he wasn't shaken.

Finally the common room began to empty, leaving behind only a couple of drunks that had to be hauled out or into their rooms. Erin had retired to her room a while ago - it would have looked too suspicious for her to stick around that long, even if the men did. "He's not coming tonight," Androl stated the obvious.

Taim nodded. "He could be anywhere in the world," he said. "Why did we expect to find him like this, anyway?"

The Asha'man scowled. "If you had better ideas…"

"…I would have said so," Taim finished the sentence. He shook his head. "For all we know he could be in Mayene or Saldaea. Or he could be hiding and waiting for everyone to go to sleep before striking."

Androl nodded. "Pevara is warding the building, just to alert her if anyone channels _saidin_. It's safe enough," he added when Taim was about to protest. "Even if he's close enough to sense a woman channelling, he should just assume it's Corele doing something."

"Very well." Taim stood up at a pointed look from a tired-looking serving girl. "I don't know about you, brother, but I'm going to get some sleep before we need to be up again." Without waiting to see if Androl was following, he strode up the stairs to the second floor - and stopped dead in his tracks as he reached the top and turned around the corner to see the flutist. As if the man had been waiting for him. He forced himself into motion and was about to walk past the young flutist, but the man gripped his arm. Taim gave him a flat stare. "What do you think you're doing?"

The youth ignored the question. "You're dead," he said.

There seemed no chance of convincing him that Taim wasn't who he thought he was. How he had recognised him with the Mask of Mirrors in place, Taim couldn't begin to guess. "Was that a threat… or a statement of an unfortunate and rather outdated fact?" he asked coolly.

That smile appeared again, a smile that women would most likely find attractive; confident but seemingly open and light-hearted. "You don't remember me," the youth said. It wasn't a question and so Taim didn't answer. At this distance he could see something curious in the young man's eye; a black spot against the otherwise flawless blue. The man's smile widened as he saw that Taim had noticed it. He didn't comment on it, however. Instead he said, "But I'm sure you will… _Remember_."

"How very reassuring," Taim replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. Then there was another set of footsteps coming up the stairs, and the flutist released his grip on Taim's arm and without another word walked past him and vanished into a room. Taim drew a deep breath and raised a hand to his temple; to his dismay, the hand was shaking slightly.

Androl walked up to him. "You..?" the Asha'man began but cut off with a frown.

Taim flashed a thin almost-smile. "Quite fine, thank you," he replied dryly, in answer to the unspoken question. He turned and opened the door to the room he would be sharing with Androl - Erin and Pevara shared another room across the corridor - and the Asha'man followed. "Figure we should keep watch or will Pevara's wards be enough?" Taim asked.

Androl looked as if he was listening to something, and then replied, "The wards will suffice." After a moment he added, "I wasn't planning on sleeping, but you might as well if you want to, since you're not going to sense his channelling anyway."

* * *

In the room she was sharing with Pevara, Erin awoke with a start. She sat up with an audible gasp before she remembered that she wasn't alone; Pevara sat cross-legged on the other bed, reading a book by candlelight. The Red sister looked up and shot Erin a questioning look. Erin shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She was hesitant about masking the bond this night, in case something did happen that she needed to be aware of, but, _Light_ , whatever was going on in her Warder's sleeping mind, it wasn't fun. She focused on smoothing her skirts while she gathered her composure, very aware of Pevara's cool regard.

"He has nightmares often?" the Red sister asked suddenly.

Erin forced her expression blank. "He? Who said anything about him?" she asked carefully. Too carefully, she realised, but she hadn't been prepared for the question.

Pevara, obviously, wasn't fooled. "Do you forget that Androl shares room with… your Warder?" she countered.

Erin grimaced. She was increasingly convinced that Pevara and her bondmate had some special way of communicating with each other, something more specific than merely feeling each others' emotions and physical state, but asking about it would have been too personal. "Ever since Logain's… interrogation," she answered the original question. "I usually mask the bond." She knew the exact moment when Taim woke up, disoriented and almost surprised to be alive. She could feel him mentally scrambling for a semblance of calm, could imagine him lying perfectly still so as not to catch Androl's attention. She wished there was something she could do, some form of comfort she could offer that he would accept. But his pride and his vanity left very little room for such trivial things as basic human contact. _Such trivial things…_

Suddenly Pevara sat bolt upright. "He's here." She set the book aside and got up. "Channelling, right outside Corele's room unless I'm badly mistaken."

Erin got up, too, and put herself on the verge of embracing _saidar_ to allow the other Aes Sedai to pull her into a circle. Androl joined them, although his trickle of _saidin_ wasn't much, and together they rushed out into the corridor-

Which was on fire.

Erin could almost read the decision Pevara had to make; she could either channel to extinguish the fire, or try to catch Marle before he got away. She chose the latter. With only a quick weave to protect the four of them from catching fire, Pevara led the way to Corele's room, and Androl and Taim broke through the door. Inside the room, Marle stood slightly bent over the bed, where Corele was sitting stiffly, presumably shielded and tied up with flows of Air. Flinn was just picking himself up from the floor, and as he saw Pevara, he joined the circle. Pevara had a shield prepared-

But Marle whirled around and the shield missed. Anger and panic flashed in the pale blue eyes that darted from Pevara to Corele to Flinn in a fraction of a moment. A gateway opened behind Marle before Pevara could try shielding him again, and he stepped through. Erin didn't think; she dived after him just before the gateway winked out. She felt the circle breaking, she felt the frantic bewilderment from Taim through the bond, and then she physically collided with Marle and they landed hard on the ground.

* * *

For a second it seemed like time stood still. Taim watched Erin vanish through the gateway after Marle, and he wasn't quick enough to follow. He tried - rather ridiculously, in retrospect - and would have simply ran into the wall if Flinn hadn't caught him. "Don't be an idiot," the old Asha'man growled.

"Is she out of her flaming mind?" Corele muttered, shaking her head, but nobody paid her much attention.

"Androl, you can follow him?" Pevara asked. The Asha'man didn't answer - at least in a way that anyone else could hear - but another gateway opened where Marle's had been, and Flinn led the way through. Taim followed right behind the old Asha'man, Corele, Pevara and Androl behind him. He had drawn his sword; he felt horribly outclassed among the channellers but didn't want to just hide behind them, either.

They came to a small forest clearing, and it seemed clear that this was the right place; here and there the grass was burnt and some of the nearest trees looked like something sharp had slashed at them. Erin was near, and alive and unharmed for now, but fighting for her life. A light flashed in the direction where the bond told him that she was, and he set off at a run through the bushes and trees.

Erin was there, hiding behind a tree - which burst into flames before her; Taim could feel the sudden bright light blinding the Aes Sedai as she stumbled backwards and shielded herself against the flames. Taim felt like he was trying to navigate a labyrinth blindfolded; unable to sense the channelling, he didn't have a clue where Marle was hiding. Fortunately Flinn and Androl were more useful; they seemed to know exactly where they were going, and after making sure that Erin wasn't seriously hurt, Taim darted after them.

The fight itself was short. Marle attempted to fire something at Corele, but the fiery bolts vanished into thin air well short of reaching her, and then he wasn't channelling anymore and Taim assumed that they had succeeded in shielding him. Glaring and snarling like a rabid dog, the former Asha'man seemed to be struggling against some invisible force holding him still. Seeing that the four channellers had the situation under control, Taim left them to it and returned to Erin.

He found the Aes Sedai curled up near the burnt tree. The bond told him that she wasn't badly hurt, but very much shaken up. He crouched beside her and spoke in a soft voice. "Erin? Are you all right?"

She raised her head and the worst of the shock and confusion seemed to drain out of her as she became aware of his presence. "Mazrim, thank the Light," she breathed. "I…" Her voice failed, and she tried again, "I can't see. I can't…" She seemed to break down, covering her face with her hands and drawing her knees up to her chest.

Taim swore under his breath and looked around; none of the others had followed him, they were all preoccupied with Marle. "It's all right, Erin," he said, trying to sound - and, more importantly, feel - convincing. "I'm going to take you to Flinn, he can help." He picked her up and started towards where he had left Flinn and the others. Cradled in his arms, Erin no longer felt quite so precariously balanced on the edge of hysteria. She still felt confused and disoriented, but the fear was almost completely gone and there was an undercurrent of… _contentment?_ Taim suddenly felt cold. He didn't want to be dealing with this, he _couldn't_ be dealing with…

"There you are! Is Erin hurt?" Flinn's voice startled him.

"Her eyes," Taim said. "Flinn-" he began, but the old Asha'man was already reaching out for Erin. Taim felt the shudder that shook the Aes Sedai in his arms. He shot Flinn a questioning look.

"She'll be fine," Flinn said calmly. "There would have been no permanent damage even without Healing. Come, now. We must find out where in the blazes we are so that we can get back to the Black Tower."

 _Yes. Of course._ "Is Marle..?"

Flinn nodded as he turned and set off towards where the others must be. "Pevara has him shielded," he said. "Still linked with Corele and myself, of course. Once we know enough of our location, Androl will make a gateway to get us back to the Black Tower."

Taim followed the old Asha'man through the woods, still carrying Erin. That earned him looks that ranged from concerned to sharp and speculative, but he ignored them all. Marle was exactly where he'd last seen him, still tied up and no longer snarling, though he looked like he wanted to. Pevara and Corele sat cross-legged on the ground nearby, while Androl paced back and forth restlessly behind them, a hand on the hilt of his sword. Taim set Erin down near the other Aes Sedai - the bond carried reluctance and a sense of loss as he let go of her. At least she didn't protest out loud.

Without another glance in her direction, Taim strode over to Androl. "Can you get us out of here?"

The Asha'man shot him an irritable glance. "Soon," he just said and continued his pacing. It didn't look like he was going to give a more specific answer, and so Taim returned to Erin's side. The Aes Sedai was rapidly regaining her composure - _good_ \- and she and Corele were talking in hushed voices. Pevara - looking like herself again - appeared somehow wholly focused on Marle, yet seemed to be watching everything around herself at the same time.

It seemed to take forever, but finally Androl announced, "Let's go." A gateway opened before Androl, and he and Flinn marched Marle through, with the three Aes Sedai close behind them. Taim went last, with a brief nod to Androl, who was waiting to close the gateway after him. The look in the Asha'man's eyes said that he would much rather have left Taim on the other side, but he said nothing. They went to seek Logain.

* * *

All Erin wanted was to go to sleep. She was tired, now that the adrenaline rush of the battle had faded, and emotionally she was exhausted. It was not that she hadn't seen battle before; even though she had spent the Last Battle tending to the wounded well out of harm's way, she had been there when the Seanchan had assaulted the White Tower, and she had been there when Siuan Sanche had been deposed and the Tower had been divided. She had seen something of the Battle of the Shining Walls. But never before had she been as alone against an enemy as she had been when she had found herself in that forest clearing, fighting for her life. Of course she hadn't been alone for long; the others had followed as soon as they could. She could still remember the bewildered shock that had flooded the bond when Taim had realised what she'd done, and the gateway had winked shut behind her… She stifled the urge to giggle. Whatever _had_ possessed her to play the hero? She was no Moiraine Damodred.

Their escort stopped before the door to Logain's study. One of the Asha'man - not one Erin had met before - announced them, and they were allowed in immediately. The leader of the Black Tower didn't look like he had slept, either, even though it must be closer to morning by now. "Estevan Marle," he said, not exactly addressing the captive former Asha'man. "Take him down to the dungeons. Get Gabrelle and a couple of others to take over the shield, best not to take any risks. We'll deal with him once it's morning. Androl, take word to the rest of the teams that Marle has been caught."

It wasn't long after that that Marle was safely in a cell below the palace, shielded by two Asha'man linked with Gabrelle Sedai of the Brown Ajah. Erin followed Corele and Flinn to the travelling grounds; the original plan had been to wait for Sarielle and the rest of the Aes Sedai who might be returning to Tar Valon, but they seemed to be taking their sweet time in getting back and Corele had agreed that there was no point in prolonging their stay. Travelling really did make life so much easier.

Taim, walking right behind Erin, had been quiet ever since they had returned. Not that he was a talkative man at the best of times, but it seemed like there was an extra layer of reserve around him now. Even through the bond he felt distant and difficult to read. Erin wasn't sure what it was - her memories of the time immediately after the battle were hazy - but she had a sinking feeling that she had said or done something stupid.

She just didn't want him to hate her. Was that too much to ask?

She grimaced and mentally shook herself. Now she was just being ridiculous. She'd know if he hated her; nobody could conceal something that radical from their bondmate. No, he didn't hate her. The best she could describe is that he _tolerated_ the bond and, by extension, her. She wished she could stop hoping for… more. And now she was straying into the realm of ridiculous fancies, again. Light, woman, get a grip.

Nobody spoke a word on the way to the Yellow Ajah quarters, and apart for the brief goodnights as they parted ways with Corele and Flinn, they got to their apartment in complete silence. Erin watched as Taim went straight towards his room without as much as looking at her. At the door he stopped briefly. The bond remained unreadable.

"Mazrim…" she called out softly.

He froze with his hand on the door handle. "Don't," he said.

 _Don't… what?_ Erin didn't even know what she wanted to say. Everything. Anything. _Don't._ And she didn't.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a bit longer than I would have liked, but now it's here. Enjoy! And don't forget to let me know what you think. ^_^

_The world was on fire. Everywhere he looked, flames roared high up to the sky, and the sky itself was black with smoke and thunderclouds. No, he realised; not just clouds and smoke but ravens, in vast masses that blackened the horizon. He shuddered as he walked amidst the flames - they were impossible to avoid completely, but somehow they didn't seem to touch him eve when he passed right through them. He could only find mild astonishment for the way the flames behaved, he felt somehow detached from the scene, as if he was watching it all happen to someone else. It was someone else walking that barren, rocky inferno landscape, someone else wearing the black coat with blue-and-gold dragons embroidered around the sleeves, someone else being drawn inexorably towards the looming shadow barely visible beyond the flames somewhere ahead._

_A part of him realised that it wasn't real. The same part that also realised that it had all happened before, that he had been there before, dream or not, but he couldn't recall how the scene would end. No, he just had to go on, and-_

Remember.

_The word startled him and he staggered. He whirled around, but there was nobody he could see, he was alone on the burning plain. He shook his head, trying to dismiss the voice as simple product of his imagination. But he couldn't. It had been real, as much as anything in this place was real. He continued towards the towering shadow ahead, knowing that the dream wouldn't end before he went and faced what waited for him there…_

* * *

"Mazrim?"

The voice penetrated through the dream, waking him. He sat up to see Erin in the doorway. She had never done this before, interrupting his sleep. "What time is it?" he asked, trying to sound more awake than he was. The dream was already fading from his mind, as if it had never been. He shook his head, trying to hold on to the feeling that this time, something had been different. _Remember._ The word echoed in his mind with the weight of a prophecy.

"Jut past midday," Erin replied.

"Midday," Taim repeated blandly. "Flinn is going to kill me." If only he could shake the feeling that Erin had interrupted something important… He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, looking around. He was sure he'd left his clothes on the stool… Frowning, he opened the wardrobe. The first thing he noticed was that there were a whole lot more clothes than he remembered. And as he looked closer he saw that the clothes were far finer than anything he had owned since his… new life. The half a dozen coats were elegantly cut in the fashion of Saldaean nobility - without any House emblems of course, - in dark, dignified colours. On some of them he even spotted embroidery! Not that he minded, but he hadn't thought Erin… _Oh._ "A clown in a fancy coat…" he muttered under his breath, recalling the scene at the training grounds the previous day. Well, this certainly explained Erin's reaction.

"You… don't like them?"

He spun around to see Erin still in the doorway; he had forgotten that she was there, which was an achievement in itself with the bond in place. He directed a thin almost-smile at the Aes Sedai. "They're passable," he said. Then he frowned; he was standing there in his smallclothes, with Erin ogling away in a distracted fashion. "…Would you mind?"

The Aes Sedai blinked. "Oh." She seemed to realise the same, her eyes widened and colour rushed to her cheeks. "Of course!" she gasped and hastily backed out of the room, drawing the door shut after her. Taim shook his head at the rather exaggerated reaction, but, once again, he wasn't going to ask. He had a feeling he wasn't going to like the discussion if one ever took place…

He got quickly dressed and headed out to the training grounds. For once, Erin didn't follow; she barely looked up from the book she was reading - or more likely pretending to read, not that he could be sure - when he passed through the sitting room. He thought briefly of checking whether Flinn was in the apartment he shared with Corele - it was well past the time they usually had their sword practice session and he didn't expect to find the Asha'man at the training grounds anymore - but decided against it. He could find someone else to spar with if Flinn wasn't there. He thought Corele already resented him for taking up so much of her Warder's time; he wasn't going to show up at her door to give her more reason to.

Flinn wasn't at the training grounds, but someone else was. Alinsar Zarac, the Warder of Sarielle Teorin, seemed to be supervising a group of young men as they practised their forms. Taim almost turned around and walked back the way he came - he had no desire to put himself in the way of the Warder who seemed to hate him at least as much as his Aes Sedai did - but before he could do so, Alinsar noticed him.

"I'm surprised Erin Sedai lets you wander around," the Warder remarked. His eyes flickered to the sword at Taim's hip and his eyebrows arched in an expression of disbelief mixed with contempt. "Carrying that thing, no less. From what I've heard you can barely avoid stabbing yourself with it."

Taim knew he should ignore the man and be on his way. He could have; he hadn't survived as long as he had by letting his temper get the best of him - the thought covered more than his new life, although he couldn't tell whether it was an actual memory or something that made sense and had to be true. But right now he wanted the distraction. He flashed a brief almost-smile. "I can manage that, most of the time." Without conscious decision, his hand went to the hilt of his sword.

Alinsar stared. "Very well then, if you think you're ready to spar with real Warders…" He barked an order for the recruits to carry on with their exercise, then drew his sword and assumed a ready stance. Taim did the same, and then the Warder came at him.

In some small, detached part of his mind Taim was surprised at how well he was holding his own against the other man who, most likely, had decades of training behind him. He matched the Warder blow for blow, flowing from one form to another, countering attacks that would have been little short of fatal had they landed. Alinsar wouldn't purposefully attempt to kill him - he _was_ bonded to an Aes Sedai, after all, and there would have been dire consequences for a Warder who killed another - but Taim doubted that the man would take much care to avoid wounding him. Even though there were Aes Sedai in attendance near the training grounds in case of an accident, Taim didn't fancy going through any more Healing than he had already in the past weeks if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

But before the fight had gone on for more than a few minutes, it was interrupted by sudden shouts from the group of young recruits. Taim halted his attack as Alinsar whirled around to see what his young charges were up to. One of the youths, a slight thing with almost white hair, had was just picking himself up off the ground, with some of the others gathered around him. None of them seemed to notice that they had attracted Alinsar's attention; they continued to shout and laugh amongst themselves, heedless of the trouble that was inevitably coming their way. One of them made as if to kick the white-haired boy-

Alinsar surged towards the scene, shouting, "What do you flaming idiots think you're-?"

The bully was flung into the air as the ground erupted under his feet. Screams and shouts ensued. Dirt and small rocks rained down upon Taim, Alinsar and the boys scrambling away from the scene as fast as they could. Alinsar froze for a second, torn between seeing to the white-haired boy still on his knees on the ground, staring wide-eyed at everything through the slowly settling dust, or the one who had taken the unfortunate flight and lay in a crumbled heap several yards away. Seeing two Aes Sedai already heading towards the latter, the Warder picked the former.

"Light, lad, what do you think you-" He cut off, shaking his head. Clearly he realised that it wasn't the best possible approach. "Are you alright?" he eventually asked.

Taim had followed right behind Alinsar, sword still in hand, but now he sheathed it and crossed his arms across his chest. "The boy has just survived what I must assume was his first touch of _saidin_ ," he said coolly. "He _should_ be shaken. Anything could have happened."

Alinsar threw him a flat look. "I thought you weren't supposed to know much about the channelling stuff anymore."

Taim shrugged slightly. "I may be lacking my memories, but my wits are mostly intact, thank you very much," he replied. "And it doesn't take extensive knowledge of channelling to know what I just told you. What else do you possibly think it could have been?" The Warder seemed to accept the point, but his attention was already back on the poor kid. Taim was just as glad that nobody was paying him much attention in the middle of the rather chaotic scene; he was fighting to not show how shaken he was himself. He had only told Alinsar half the truth; it was fairly obvious even to a non-channeller that the boy must have channelled. But that wasn't all of it. He had _felt_ it. He had felt _saidin_ being channelled, and he had known what it was, and he was certain that he had never once felt anything of the sort even though Flinn and others had been channelling around him several times. No, this was new.

One of the two Aes Sedai - Yellow, Taim thought; he had seen her in the Yellow Ajah quarters even though he didn't know her name - was marching towards them with a sour expression. She barely spared Taim a glance, her attention was on Alinsar and the white-haired boy. "I was under the impression that you were supposed to keep the recruits from doing anything stupid, yes?" she said, a hint of a Taraboner accent to her voice. "The boy, is he alright?"

Taim didn't stay to listen further. He needed to figure out what under the Light was happening. He was almost running by the time he reached the Yellow Ajah quarters. He could feel Erin at the back of his head, a mix of agitation and frustration, but she was still in her apartment and didn't seem to be going anywhere. That was just as well; it was not her he sought. But when he stopped at the door of Corele Sedai's apartment, he suddenly hesitated. What was he going to say to Flinn? _Am I supposed to be able to sense people channelling_ saidin _all of a sudden?_ Not likely. What made him think Flinn would have answers, anyway? A small voice tried to suggest that he wasn't going to Flinn because he thought the old Asha'man would have answers for him but because he was a friend. He silenced the voice. Even if Flinn could be considered a friend, there was no telling how the Asha'man would react if he thought Taim was potentially regaining his ability to channel. Because with the ability - he didn't know why he was so sure but he was - would come the lost memories, everything that had made him the hated M'Hael. No; on the second thought he didn't dare go to Flinn after all.

He was just about to turn away when the door opened and Corele Hovian nearly walked into him. The Aes Sedai blinked and took a step back, then frowned. "What is it? Is Erin-?"

Taim shook his head. "No, Erin is fine," he said quickly. "I just…" He scrambled for a plausible reason to be standing outside her door. "Flinn," he eventually managed. "There was an incident at the training grounds. A recruit channelling by accident. I only know of two Asha'man in the White Tower and…"

Thankfully, she seemed to buy it, even if she gave him a hard look that told him she suspected he wasn't telling everything. "Damer," she called out, but Flinn was already coming up behind her, pulling on his black coat.

"I heard," the Asha'man said. "Lead on."

* * *

Erin was still staring at the same page she had been on when Taim had left, when the bond suddenly carried a sense of alarm and then confusion. She set the book aside and was halfway to the door before she even realised she had moved. She made herself stop; Taim was not in danger, and considering his mood earlier he probably wouldn't appreciate her rushing to his side at the first sign of… whatever it was. She judged the distance and direction and concluded that he was probably in the training grounds. It made sense; he had been training with Flinn every day for the past while. And if Flinn was with him, everything was fine. She took a deep breath and deliberately sat down again. But she didn't pick the book up again. There was no point in pretending to read when nobody was watching; she wasn't quite _that_ good at fooling herself.

Soon she felt Taim coming closer. The bond still carried agitation and confusion, but it was more controlled now. But instead of coming to Erin, he walked straight past the door and further along the hallway. Erin frowned at the book on the table before her. Where _was_ he going? He had stopped now, and after a few moments he started back the way he'd come, again straight past Erin's apartment. Erin shook her head; she was going to find out what the blazes was going on with her Warder. She followed, not quite running, but walking very fast.

She caught up with Taim - and Flinn and Corele - just outside the Yellow Ajah quarters. "What is going on, Mazrim?" she asked, trying not to sound like she half expected him to refuse to answer. She probably wasn't very successful, judging by the look Corele gave her.

Flinn answered for Taim, "A channelling accident at the training grounds."

Erin very nearly missed a step. "What-?"

"Not me, obviously," Taim replied before she could form a question. He didn't look at her, but the bond flooded with annoyance. "A recruit."

"Oh." Erin lowered her gaze to hide her embarrassment, not that it hid anything from the bond. "Of course. Was… was someone hurt?" she asked.

"Probably," Taim said. "One of the other recruits at least. But there were Aes Sedai taking care of him already before I left. I thought it best to get an Asha'man to check on the one who did the channelling." The bond felt… _evasive_ , and Erin got the feeling that he wasn't telling the whole truth, but then again, channelling - of the _saidin_ variety - was something of a sore spot for him, even though he wouldn't have admitted as much. The look Flinn gave Taim said that the Asha'man had noticed the same.

The first thing Erin saw when they reached the training grounds was Sarielle, resplendent as always in blue silks which made her fiery hair stand out all the more. She was standing with Alinsar, talking to the Warder in a low voice. Judging by the Warder's expression, he didn't much like what he was hearing, but he wasn't arguing. Well, he wouldn't; Sarielle kept as tight a leash on her Warder as any Green. Erin approached the two cautiously; she didn't want to get caught in the crossfire if Sarielle was lecturing her Warder, but she was curious. A bit further away, a group of young recruits were standing looking like they'd rather be somewhere else but leaving wasn't an option. And off to one side, two Aes Sedai - Erin recognised them as Tilde Jennin of her own Ajah and Lisandre Saravin of the Green Ajah - seemed to be questioning another recruit, a short youth with very light blond hair. Two Warders, both of them presumably Lisandre's as Tilde didn't have one, were positioned near the Aes Sedai, watching everything with sharp eyes. In the middle of it all, there was a hole in the ground that looked like something had exploded there.

"That's the one," Taim said and nodded in the direction of the blond boy. Flinn started that way, Corele following at his heels. Taim watched them go, something vaguely like relief briefly tinging the bond. The tension remained, however, and the relief - if it had been that - was gone so quickly that Erin couldn't be sure that she hadn't imagined it.

Erin didn't have a chance to ask about it, though, as that was when Sarielle noticed her. "Erin," the Blue sister said, somehow managing to make the single word - her name - sound like a greeting and an admonishment and perhaps a question, too, all at once.

"Sarielle," Erin replied mildly.

The Blue sister fixed her with a level stare. "In case you're interested, Marle confessed earlier this morning and was convicted for the assault on you and kidnapping of Avari Sedai. She was found, mostly unharmed, after he told Logain where he had left her."

Erin let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. "Thank the Light," she muttered. "Are you only just back from the Black Tower?"

Sarielle shook her head. "No," she said. A small grimace twisted the corners of her mouth before she caught herself. "I was visiting a seamstress out in the city while Alinsar was supposed to be supervising a group of recruits." The frosty look she threw at her Warder indicated that she was convinced that whatever had gone wrong on Alinsar's watch could have been avoided.

"The boy would have channelled anyway, sooner or later." To Erin's shock it was Taim who spoke up. Sarielle and even the stone-faced Alinsar both looked equally astonished. Taim went on, "Perhaps it was better that it should happen with Aes Sedai and Gaidin at hand to intervene and… repair the damage." For a confused moment Erin thought he meant the hole in the middle of the training grounds, but then she realised he must be talking about the recruit who had been injured in the incident.

Sarielle looked like she was about to protest, but Alinsar spoke first. "He's right, Sarielle," the Warder said, with a quick glare at Taim just for good measure. "Anyway, there's nothing to be done about it now but send the boy off to the Black Tower. Pity, though, I'm fairly sure that girl who got raised last week, what was her name again, already had her eye on him. He's not half bad with the sword despite his… stature."

Sarielle nodded with only a trace of reluctance. "You mean Nissa. Well, he might still end up bonded to her if she's determined enough," she mused. "It's not like it's unheard of anymore. By the Light, I'm not sure it's even particularly frowned upon, anymore."

Erin arched an eyebrow; surely the old attitudes couldn't have changed that much yet? But they were changing. Not too long ago, a recruit who started channelling would have been sent to the Traitor's Court, not to the Black Tower. There wouldn't have been a Black Tower, not too long ago.

Then Corele walked up to the small group, a fierce frown marring her face. "Damer is taking the boy to the Black Tower," she said. "I half suspect Lisandre wanted to bond him on the spot! All of a sudden he's more interesting than the other recruits…" Disapproval rang clear in her voice and she cast a fiery look in the direction of the Green sister. Erin thought of what Sarielle had just said, and what Suana Dragand had said some time ago, even if the First Weaver's comment had been meant to criticise Erin's choice more than to praise Corele's. Attitudes really were changing.

* * *

Taim walked along the meandering path through the garden, one of the many beautiful gardens in the White Tower grounds. A group of young women in white dresses, giggling amongst themselves, scurried out of his way but he paid them no mind. He had felt confined in Erin's apartment, under the Aes Sedai's watchful eyes. He knew Erin meant well, but her concern grated on his nerves, and as for her… other feelings for him… _No._

A woman in a white dress with the seven stripes in the hem - an Accepted - arched her eyebrows at him as she walked past; he had spoken the last word out loud. He met her stare with one of his own. Her eyes widened a fraction and her imperious look faltered. She quickened her steps. Taim continued in the other direction. Perhaps the gardens hadn't been such a good idea, not if they were as crowded everywhere. But as he wandered further, he finally found a secluded corner and sat down under a tree. He leaned his head back against the tree trunk and closed his eyes. He felt Erin at the back of his head, a knot of sensations that had already become so familiar, if never quite comfortable, exactly. He couldn't imagine that he would ever be completely comfortable with having another person inside his head. Especially one that… He grimaced; deny it as he might, it didn't change the facts. Erin liked him far more than she should, and it was… something he couldn't understand. Not something he particularly cared to understand, either, except that he feared he might have to try, if he was to remain with Erin as her Warder. He wondered if she would still release the bond if he asked her to. Surely it would be kinder to remove himself from her life than to stay when he was never going to return her feelings?

But of course it wasn't up to Erin anymore, to release him. Neither the White nor the Black Tower would just let him walk away. The whole trail of thought was nothing but useless speculation and he would only drive himself crazy if he kept at it.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there; he lost track of time, letting his mind wander. Suddenly he just realised that the sun had begun to set and the air was getting cooler… And that Erin was coming closer. He saw her as soon as he had thought that; she was approaching cautiously, almost hesitantly, but she picked up the pace as she realised he had noticed her. She sat down on the grass next to him, spent a good while arranging her skirts before looking up at him.

"A beautiful evening," she said quietly.

"So it is," he replied.

She took a deep breath. "Mazrim…" she began. The bond was aflame with anxiety, but on the surface she was calm and collected. "You're not stupid. I know you know…" She trailed off and seemed to focus on the scrollwork embroidery on her left sleeve. Without looking at him she went on, "And I know you don't… feel the same. I… understand. I just… wanted you to know that I don't expect anything."

Taim wasn't sure what to say. It was like she'd read his mind - the bond didn't, thankfully, enable quite that much - and her concern was not for her own happiness but his. He didn't understand. But she seemed sincere - Aes Sedai or no, he didn't believe she could deceive him that well - and he couldn't deny that it was a relief in a way. He had dreaded this discussion because he had been half expecting awkward confessions and having to crush her hopes… But she was an intelligent, perceptive woman and of course he should have known that she would be as aware of his feelings as he was of hers.

"Don't feel the need to say anything," she said after a while of silence. She looked at him and smiled a bit. "It's fine. Come, let's go inside, it's colder out here than you realise."

He shrugged and stood up, then extended a hand to help her up. She nodded graciously, and then she started back along the garden path, walking lightly, feeling almost… happy. He didn't understand, but he followed her regardless.

* * *

_The world was on fire. Everywhere he looked, flames roared high up to the sky, and the sky itself was black with smoke and thunderclouds. No, he realised; not just clouds and smoke but ravens, in vast masses that blackened the horizon. He shuddered as he walked amidst the flames - they were impossible to avoid completely, but somehow they didn't seem to touch him eve when he passed right through them. He could only find mild astonishment for the way the flames behaved, he felt somehow detached from the scene, as if he was watching it all happen to someone else. It was someone else walking that barren, rocky inferno landscape, someone else wearing the black coat with blue-and-gold dragons embroidered around the sleeves, someone else being drawn inexorably towards the looming shadow barely visible beyond the flames somewhere ahead._

_A part of him realised that it wasn't real. The same part that also realised that it had all happened before, that he had been there before, dream or not, but he couldn't recall how the scene would end. No, he just had to go on, and-_

Remember.

_The word startled him and he staggered. He whirled around, but there was nobody he could see, he was alone on the burning plain. He shook his head, trying to dismiss the voice as simple product of his imagination. But he couldn't. It had been real, as much as anything in this place was real. He continued towards the towering shadow ahead, knowing that the dream wouldn't end before he went and faced what waited for him there…_

_Suddenly there was a door before him. He touched the handle - and let out a hiss of pain as the hot metal seared into his palm. He jerked his hand away, but the door opened anyway, revealing…_

_Darkness._

_He tried to peer into the room beyond the doorway, but couldn't see a thing. He took a hesitant step inside… And heard the door slam shut behind him. In complete darkness now, he fought the urge to turn around and try to find the door again; he knew it would do no good. The darkness felt alive around him, caressing him, smothering… Suddenly he could barely breathe. He thought he could almost see things, but he couldn't be sure if the visions were real or just hallucinations conjured by his mind that couldn't process the complete darkness._

Remember.

_He gasped and whirled around, but of course there was nothing to see there, or at least no light to see by. A vision - something he was fairly sure was just a hallucination - swam before his eyes. He thought it was a face, but it was gone so quickly that he couldn't be sure. He shook his head and brought a hand up to his face. Even holding it mere inches before his eyes he couldn't see it._

Remember.

_He staggered as the blackness spun around him._

Remember.

_He fell to his knees, clutching his head with both hands…_

Remember!

* * *

He came awake with a start, breathing hard, blood pounding in his ears. He was holding saidin, filled with it, as much as he could safely hold and more, ready to release a tide of destruction, trembling with the need to channel the raw power he was holding.

And he remembered.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter freaking killed me. More than ever, I really need you guys to actually tell me what you think, beyond an "update soon pl0x" - while I of course appreciate any comments whatsoever... Well, Yeah. Without further ado.

Erin woke up to the sense of frantic terror that flooded the bond. Again. She wasn't sure how long she had slept, but it couldn't possibly yet be morning. She sighed. She wished there was something she could do for him, but she knew him better than that. He didn't remember his dreams, and he wanted no comfort from her.

She masked the bond.

Again.

* * *

Taim was distantly aware that he was balanced on a razor's edge on the brink of destroying both himself and a good chunk of the White Tower, but he shoved the thought aside; he couldn't afford the distraction. He was fighting for survival. _Saidin_ filled him to the brim, sweet and full of life yet violent, constantly threatening to sweep a careless wielder away. For what felt like forever he needed all his concentration, all his considerable willpower to simply keep from drowning in that tide of power, but finally the fight was over and he was still in one piece. Trembling with the effort, he released the Source and for a moment all he felt was an overwhelming sense of loss mixed with the simple relief of being alive.

And then the realisation hit him.

He could channel. He could _remember_. A third thought followed: he was still bonded to Erin. A frantic moment of near-panic later he realised that Erin was absent; she had masked the bond. He was alone in his head, thankfully alone. He didn't think he could have come up with an explanation right now if Erin hadn't dismissed it - whatever the bond had transferred to her - as a simple nightmare. He didn't think he could have found it in himself to even try to explain; it was all he could do to lie still and try to think when his every instinct was screaming at him to get the hell out of the White Tower and as far from Tar Valon as possible. No, he couldn't run while he was still bonded to Erin. He could make her release the bond - he doubted she would prove particularly resistant to Compulsion - but as soon as it was discovered… He would be hunted down like a rabid dog, and he wasn't sure the hunters would even see a distinction. After all he had done, neither the White nor Black Tower would rest until he was dead. He might not even get very far; if Flinn was awake and felt saidin being channelled in the Yellow Ajah quarters… He could kill Flinn, he was more powerful than the old man by far and had less scruples about taking a life, and the Asha'man might well hesitate until he was certain of the situation. He could even take out both Flinn and Corele, if he didn't give them too much time to react. Flinn, Corele and Erin, all three of them… Perhaps. But open battle would draw attention, and the whole of the White Tower would be upon him soon enough.

No. Escape was not a possibility, not yet at least.

But _how_ was he supposed to just go on being a Warder as if nothing had changed? He resisted the urge to get up and pace about the room. He was half afraid that if he moved he would give in to the instinct telling him to flee; he'd be halfway across the continent in seconds - the time it took to weave a gateway and step through - and he could not afford to do anything rash. No channelling. Certainly no channelling. Saidin seemed to be just waiting for him to grasp it, almost as though the power wanted to be channelled… Foolish fancy, of course; the One Power was not a sentient being capable of wanting anything. He drew a ragged breath and counted to ten before releasing it. He had to _think_.

But short of making Erin release the bond and then spending the rest of his life on the run, he could think of nothing. Nothing but staying exactly where he was and praying he could maintain the charade of not remembering a thing. At least Erin was as naive and trusting as a little girl compared to the Chosen. _Forsaken_. He couldn't afford a slip like that. He would have to guard his thoughts as closely as his tongue; if he let the former run wild, the latter would stumble sooner or later. No. He had played dangerous games before and he could do it again. He just needed to be careful. Very, _very_ careful…

* * *

Erin sat at the long table, idly stirring the soup before her with a spoon. Here, in the dining halls meant for Aes Sedai, everything was more ornamental, from the fancy Sea Folk porcelain tableware to the tables themselves and the elaborate mosaic patterns of the floor, than in the halls where the novices and Accepted had their meals. Here, the girls in the simple white dresses came only when it was their turn to serve at the tables or to clean. Erin gave a distracted smile as one such curtsied and asked whether the Aes Sedai desired anything else.

"No, thank you, child," she replied, and the girl curtsied again and hurried off.

As she ate, Erin picked up a piece of conversation from the next table. "…Testing girls that haven't spent a full year as novices! In my time, four years was considered fast…" a voice was saying. A quick sideways glance told Erin that the speaker was a slightly plump woman in a pale green dress; Erin thought she was of the Grey Ajah but couldn't be sure or think of a name to connect with the stern face.

The woman's companion, a Taraboner judging by the multitude of dark braids decorated with white beads, this one wearing a white-fringed shawl, replied with a cool voice. "We can hardly keep girls who fought the Seanchan, or the Shadow's armies, juggling balls of light for years, yes?" she said. "Do not give me that look, Farinda. I am right, you know it."

The Grey, Farinda, started to argue, but Erin stopped listening. It was true, many girls were being raised from novice to Accepted because their abilities had outgrown the rank even if their knowledge of other subjects - history, politics, even the theory of what they already could do with the One Power in practice - was still lacking from the level usually required of the Accepted. It was of little consequence, however; in a few years' time things would calm down and probably settle back to largely as they had been.

Oh, of course there were changes that needed to be made, the first and foremost of which was the Red Ajah. They couldn't very well cling to their original purpose now that _saidin_ was clean and men no longer needed to be gentled, but somehow Erin couldn't see the Ajah being disbanded, either. Elaida's fool attempt of disbanding the Blue Ajah had left a sour taste in more mouths than the Blues'. And if the Red had lost their purpose, the same could be said of the Green, afer a fashion; with Tarmon Gai'don done and over with, what were they standing ready for? Yet nobody would ever suggest disbanding the Green Ajah even if some would entertain the notion of disbanding the Red. Erin was distinctly glad that such decisions were not hers to make.

She finished her meal and headed back to her apartment. Taim was not there - judging by the distance and direction he was out at the training grounds again, which was just as well. He had been exceptionally restless and irritable in the morning, and - so she thought - trying hard not to take it out on her, and so she figured it might be better if they stayed out of each others' way for a while. She didn't like it, she hated that it felt _necessary_ , but she could live with it.

* * *

Taim went through the forms in a smooth, flowing motion, but his mind was elsewhere. It was just as well that Flinn had been too busy for a long sparring session; Taim had been half expecting the old Asha'man to notice any moment that something had changed and figure everything out… An irrational fear, he knew, but one he hadn't been able to shake completely as long as Flinn had been present. It felt like years - decades, millennia - ago that he had been wondering whether the Asha'man saw him as a friend. Now, of course, the only relevance was whether Flinn trusted him enough to overlook whatever changes in his behaviour he couldn't avoid. The thought held a touch of bitterness but he shoved it aside. Only survival mattered.

Survival, to what end? To spend the rest of his life as a Warder, hiding his ability to channel and the fact that he remembered? What was the point?

He shoved those thoughts aside, too. That trail of thought led nowhere and fast.

"You're _still_ here?"

The voice startled him and he barely stopped himself from grasping _saidin_. After all his resolution to be careful, and he nearly..! He made sure his face betrayed nothing and deliberately sheathed his sword - wielding the thing with such growing familiarity felt odd to say the least - before turning around. "I thought you were busy today."

Flinn grinned. "And I would have thought you'd be as far from the training grounds as possible the moment I left you, from the way you behaved this morning," the Asha'man replied. Then he shook his head wearily. "We've been to the _stedding_. Well, outside it, strictly speaking; I couldn't exactly do much _in_ a _stedding_. Those poor souls that were… forcibly Turned," he explained when Taim gave him a blank look at the ' _stedding'_ part. "They're being held by the ogier in a _stedding_ where they don't need to be shielded constantly. We're still hoping to find a way to undo the damage done to them, but so far…" The old man grimaced; he was the most talented Healer since the Age of Legends, except for Nynaeve Mandragoran herself, and he blatantly refused to accept that there was anything short of death itself that couldn't be Healed.

"I'm… sure you'll find the way if one exists," Taim said slowly. He didn't know of a way, but it didn't mean that it was impossible. Demandred himself had not believed severing could be Healed when he had first heard of it. There were things even the Forsaken had been ignorant about. A surprising number of things, frankly, and they had _thought_ they knew everything worth knowing about the One Power.

Flinn barked a laugh. He seemed about to say something - a wry remark, no doubt - but changed his mind and instead said just, "I hope you're right." A small frown appeared. "Corele isn't all that optimistic. Oh, she's perfectly supportive and helpful and all, but…" He cut off mid sentence with a frustrated shake of his head. "Anyway. None of that is your problem."

Taim gave a small shrug. "It's fine," he said.

"I don't suppose you've had lunch yet?" the Asha'man asked after a while. Taim shook his head, and Flinn grinned. "Thought so. Well, you coming or not?"

Rolling his eyes at the older man's back, Taim picked up his coat from the bench at the edge of the training grounds, where he had left it, and followed. Soon he was sitting at a table in the common room of an inn called _The White Flame_ , with a steaming bowl of stew before him. Flinn was already shovelling his own stew into his mouth with a good appetite. A serving girl - of Domani descent, judging by her colouring - walked by, swaying her quite well-formed hips and casting a slow look at Taim from under her long lashes. When she saw him looking back at her, a small smile curved her full lips, a smile that promised nothing but hinted at everything.

"…You listening to me at all?" Flinn asked, good-natured amusement tinging his voice.

"Of course," Taim replied, turning his attention back to the Asha'man. What _had_ the man said? He looked like he was waiting for an answer… "Ah, what was the question again?"

The older man cast an appraising glance at the Domani's retreating behind before he repeated, "I asked whether you were having trouble with Erin. It's not like you to apply yourself to sword training quite so vigorously… Oh, don't look at me like that, you know I'm right."

Indignation and cold anger warred with amusement as Taim discarded half a dozen sharp replies. If the man had talked to him like that back in the Black Tower… He shook his head sharply. "I'm… not sure I'd call it _trouble_ , precisely," he said eventually. "She's as much stuck with me as I am with her and that's that." For the time being, at least.

Flinn gave him a measuring look. Finally the Asha'man nodded. "Were it up to her alone, I think she'd release you if you asked," he said. "Not saying she'd be happy to let you go," he added at Taim's incredulous look. "Just that she'd do it. But, of course as you know, it's not up to her alone."

"Of course," Taim repeated. He wasn't sure which part of the statement he was agreeing with. Possibly all of it. Well, since the other man had brought the subject up and seemed to know about Erin's feelings - Light, did _everybody_ know? - it couldn't harm anything to ask something that was as much of a mystery to him now with all his memories intact than it had been without them. Perhaps even more of a mystery; it had been one thing to know what he had been and done in an abstract sense, and another entirely to remember every detail of it. "I still don't quite understand why. What she sees in me. I'm… not exactly a pleasant person, am I? I can't have that many redeeming qualities to balance out all the trouble..?" He trailed off, frowning.

The Asha'man considered him for a long while in silence. "I assume you want an honest opinion?" he said eventually, not really a question. Taim nodded. "Well, she is of the Yellow Ajah. Most of them want to fix things in one way or another. And Erin Sedai, well, she takes that a bit further than some. You could say she's drawn to the damaged types." He eyed Taim warily, as if ready to duck a blow. "No offence."

"None taken," Taim managed. _Damaged types?!_ Acutely aware of Flinn's eyes on him, he dredged up a thin almost-smile. "And there I was thinking it was my sparkling wit and stunning looks…"

Flinn barked a laugh, shaking his head in amusement. "Must have been your sense of humour," he said.

"That must be it," Taim agreed dryly, while a part of him wanted to laugh hysterically. _Damaged types._ Who _wasn't_ damaged, in this day and age? "I had better go. Erin's worried." He pushed the bowl of stew aside - he had eaten less than half of it - and stood up. "Nothing serious," he added at Flinn's alarmed look. "Just worried. Probably wondering where I've gone. Didn't tell her we were leaving Tower grounds." It was true enough; Erin's presence at the back of his head was worried, but so it had been all day. He just wasn't in the mood for any more conversation. _Damaged types._ He almost grimaced, but schooled his face into smooth expressionlessness.

Flinn just nodded. "Well then. Until tomorrow morning?"

"Until tomorrow," Taim replied curtly.

* * *

Flinn watched as the former M'Hael strode out of the inn. People hurried out of his way, probably without thinking; Taim had that effect on people, even those who didn't know who he was. Had been. The Asha'man sighed. When he had realised, about Erin, for a brief moment he had hoped that by some miracle Taim might come around; it should have been difficult to share another person's feelings through the Warder bond and _not_ develop at least a level of fondness… But then again, those things couldn't be forced. Even though it would have done the man a world of good. A man like Mazrim Taim - past or present; with or without his memory - wouldn't consider himself 'damaged', but after everything… In Flinn's experience, a woman would be precisely what was needed.

Hah. There he was, thinking of Taim the way a normal man might think of a favourite nephew. Not that he had any nephews, favourite or otherwise.

Well, he couldn't help someone who didn't want to be helped, and that was that. He just hoped that the man would find some kind of peace of mind eventually. As absurd as it still felt to think about it, Taim had become a friend.

* * *

Taim did head back to the Tower grounds, but he didn't go to Erin. No; he went to the stables and saddled his horse, a large dark grey gelding which, according to Erin, was called Thunder. Taim had never seen any point in giving names to horses, but Thunder had been a gift from Erin and since it already had a name, it had stuck. So he saddled Thunder and headed out into the city again, and through the streets of Tar Valon to the north-eastern bridge. The guards didn't stop him - not that they had any reason to; he was just being paranoid for half-expecting them to turn him back. The long bridge across the eastern half of the River Eirinin, divided by the island of Tar Valon in the middle of the river, led to a village called Lugagde and from there a road took north, all the way to the Borderlands if one kept following it for long enough. Taim wasn't going to travel that far, though. Some miles out of Lugagde, the fields and farms gave way to a forest, and that was where Taim headed.

As soon as he was sure a casual traveller on the road couldn't see, he tied Thunder's reins to a tree and continued on foot for a while more. And then he stopped. And reached for _saidin_. The raging torrent of fire and ice filled him, the sweetness and the struggle for survival making him feel so much more _alive_. Colours became brighter, sounds and sensations sharper and clearer and the sheer feeling of power almost made him believe he could do anything. Which, of course, was the danger - one of the dangers - of the One Power.

The power demanded a release, and this time there was no Flinn sleeping a few rooms away. Without thinking, he picked a rock a few yards to his left, and a weave of Earth and Air shattered it from the inside, causing it to explode. Shards of stone flew in all directions, and on an instinct he brought up a shield of Air to protect himself. He repeated the same with several other rocks that he could locate in his immediate surroundings. A part of him wanted to set the forest on fire - Fire was his strongest element, and one that he enjoyed working with the most - but something that visible would have defeated the purpose of coming all the way out here. So he settled for exploding things that didn't risk a forest fire.

He lost track of time, but judging by the position of the sun he must have been there for hours by the time he finally released the Source and looked around at the destruction he had wrought. Many of the nearest trees had been damaged by the exploding rocks. Fine dust still hung in the air. Taim sank to his knees on the forest floor and wiped at his face; to his dismay, he realised his hands were shaking. A distant part of him wanted to laugh. This was the most ridiculous thing he had ever done - well, perhaps after saying yes to Demandred when the Forsaken had appeared in the Black Tower, what seemed like a hundred years ago. Of course, if he had refused, he would have died, but in retrospect, what had he gained from the deal? In the end, a fat load of nothing. Another, an even more distant part of him wanted to weep for the impossibility of the situation he had found himself in.

He did neither, of course. Instead he got up and dusted off his clothes. Thunder was exactly where he had left the animal, and soon he was on his way back to the White Tower, a place that ranked if not at the very top, at least very high on the list of places he wanted to have nothing to do with. The Black Tower - with Logain - probably topped that list, but the White Tower made for a close second.

The afternoon was turning into evening when he passed the gates into the White Tower grounds. He left Thunder in the hands of a stablehand and headed towards the Yellow Ajah quarters. That he had very nearly come to think of the place as _home_ , before last night… Ridiculous. The word really summed up everything about his life right now.

Erin was waiting for him when he got back to the apartment he shared with her. Oh, for all outward appearances she seemed to be focused on the book in her lap, but he knew she had been waiting for him. Possibly even the pretence of reading was for his benefit, in an attempt to appear like she hadn't been waiting. But as soon as he opened the door - even before, he was willing to wager; as soon as she had sensed him outside the door - she looked up at him, the pale blue eyes filled with concern. Most of the anxiety seemed to drain out of her at the sight of him, but the vague sense of worry remained.

 _Damaged types._ Flinn's words echoed in his head and he barely suppressed a grimace.

"You've been out of the city," Erin said quietly. Her voice held neither disapproval nor even a question, really, but rather something like sadness, and perhaps a vague wish that he would confide in her.

"I went riding in the countryside," Taim replied. He had to force the words out; he had nothing to say to her, nothing he could give her. "It was a beautiful day. And I… wanted to…" _Destroy everything within a five miles' radius out of sheer frustration._

The Aes Sedai smiled. "It's all right, Mazrim; you don't need my permission for that, although I do wish you'd tell me if you're going to be away all day." She shifted, as if to get up, but then changed her mind and instead turned the page in her book without looking at it. "It might make for an awkward situation if the Mother or someone asked me about you and I couldn't tell where you are," she added with a wry smile. "No matter. You came back. That's all that matters."

 _How much choice did I have?_ But he didn't say it. Instead he picked up a book of his own and they both spent the rest of the evening pretending to read, each lost in their own thoughts.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever. I'm sorry. And this chapter is probably a mess; I'm sorry about that too. I live off feedback, as always, so keep it coming.

The following few days were among the most exhausting Taim had ever known. He felt like he was balancing on a razor's edge, second-guessing his every word, every gesture in order to act 'normal'. Unexpectedly, the sword practice sessions seemed to help somewhat; while sparring, he was able to push all that to the background and just… focus. Being competent with the sword still felt odd. He had despised the thing, before, and then he had learnt to enjoy it… And now, he was trying to reconcile that deep-rooted contempt and the more positive new attitude into some kind of a compromise that might make sense.

He was very careful to avoid wondering how much the swordfighting might symbolise his attitudes in general. He was still the same man who had worked his way up the ranks of the Shadow high enough to be Chosen. Even if he could change, there was no way he could ever change _enough_. He just couldn't afford to believe in redemption.

He was in the training grounds again when he felt Erin coming closer. He didn't spare a glance when he knew the Aes Sedai took a spot at the edge of the yard, watching; his opponent demanded his full attention and then more. Jahar Narishma was using two blades, in the Arafellin style, and Taim hadn't had much practice against that particular style. And the young man was good. Borderlanders learnt to wield weapons at an early age - that is, most Borderlanders did. Taim never had, of course. A downside of growing up without a father, he supposed, not that he'd ever much felt the lack, of either the skill or a father figure. Narishma, however, seemed fully trained apparently both in the traditional Arafellin style as well as the Andoran style that the men had been taught at the Black Tower back in the beginning, and probably to this day. Logain always had been adamant about doing things the way al'Thor had ordered. Though Taim more than half suspected that the man's obedience of al'Thor had been mostly a way to oppose Taim rather than personal loyalty for the Lord Dragon. Inspiring loyalty had not been one of al'Thor's strengths.

Narishma suddenly attacked with relentless ferocity, forcing Taim to defend. For a while he had been holding his own against the younger man, but months' training couldn't exactly compare to half a lifetime's, no matter how talented a student he might be. It seemed like the Asha'man had been but playing with him until now. Soon enough Taim was using every scrap of his skill to counter the attacks that came in rapid succession. There was no time for thought, it was all instinct, and then came a point when it was just not enough. Afterwards he wasn't quite sure how it happened, but suddenly he just found himself disarmed, with Narishma's blades on both sides of his throat, close to drawing blood if he made one careless move. Narishma's eyes showed nothing; he might have been contemplating murder or deciding what to have for dinner. But he didn't delay unduly before stepping back and lowering his weapons

"Flinn will make a Warder out of you yet," the young man said curtly, his voice carefully colourless.

Taim inclined his head a fraction to acknowledge the compliment. The tension he was feeling from Erin across the bond suddenly caught his attention; he had assumed she was anxious because he was sparring with someone who had every reason to hate him, but the feeling didn't subside even when Narishma turned away and left the training grounds. Taim sheathed his sword and went to his Aes Sedai. She wasn't alone, standing with her was a young-looking woman with a yellow-fringed shawl across her shoulders. Taim spared the other Aes Sedai only half a glance and greeted Erin with a minuscule bow. "Erin."

Erin smiled thinly, but the bond flooded with warmth. The bond, and her eyes. "Mazrim, I will be accompanying Calindin here to the Black Tower." Her voice held the slightest hint of question; would he go with her? It wasn't something Aes Sedai _asked_ their Warders, but Erin wouldn't make him return to the Black Tower against his will. He wasn't sure whether he appreciated or despised the sentiment.

"Very well," he replied. "When do we leave?"

The smile widened a fraction but there was no sense of surprise, as if Erin had been certain of his answer. "As soon as you'll have changed into something less sweaty," she said.

A wry almost-smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "As you say, Aes Sedai."

* * *

In not too long the three of them passed through a gateway to the Black Tower Travelling grounds, where they were received by a black-coated man wearing the Sword pin of the Dedicated. Taim didn't know him; he wondered briefly how many new recruits there were already who wouldn't know his face. He almost shook his head. What a ridiculous thing to be thinking about. He should have been more concerned with-

He almost gasped as he felt it. _Saidin_ was being channelled all around, the very air felt alive with it. Unlike the previous times, he could feel it, and…

And _nothing_. This part of his life was long past. He had created the Black Tower, and he had lost the Black Tower along with everything else. He couldn't begin to say whether he regretted his decisions, and the question was pointless, anyway. Any fool could and should regret joining the losing side, it was simple self-preservation and did not make him any more worthy of-

Erin's hand touching his arm jolted him back to the present. They had stopped, waiting for some kind of a procession to pass; a beautiful young woman was walking at the head of the procession, with Logain by her side, and an escort of both Asha'man and guards wearing the colours of the House Trakand and Andor trailed after them. Elayne Trakand was speaking, but Taim couldn't hear what she was saying, not without seizing _saidin_ and that would have been suicide. The Queen of Andor didn't look entirely pleased, but then again, she seldom was in Taim's experience. He had only met the woman a couple of times, but he felt a distinct sense of amusement at the thought of Logain having to deal with her in turn.

He stifled a surprised grunt as Erin elbowed him in the ribs. He glanced at her, to find her glaring up at him. The bond was a curious mix of amusement and disapproval. "Quit undressing the Queen of Andor with your eyes!" she hissed. A faint colour rose to her cheeks but her glare didn't waver.

Taim arched his eyebrows before he could control his expression; he hadn't been expecting _that_. "I assure you," he said in a perfectly bland voice, "I wouldn't touch Elayne Trakand with a five foot stick." Of course, he had in fact seen her undressed - he still wondered what under the Light that had been about - but it seemed like that particular rumour had failed to grow wings. At least he thought Erin would be even more disapproving if she knew. He was most definitely not going to bring the subject up.

"Is that so?" Erin's voice was clearly amused, now.

"Yes," he replied curtly. Elayne Trakand was fine to look at, but she had been al'Thor's… whatever… and perhaps before, a lifetime ago, that might have made her an interesting conquest, but now the very thought just made him uncomfortable. And he very much didn't want to discuss it further, so he changed the subject. "What are we doing here, Erin?" he asked. "Logain seems otherwise occupied."

She patted his arm - _reassuringly_ , he thought, and it was all he could do to not flinch away from her touch - and said, "Oh, we're not here to meet Logain." The procession had passed and she nudged Taim to motion again. "Logain is a busy man, he doesn't supervise everything himself. Our business is with Androl Genhald - we've met him before as I'm sure you remember - him and… What was the name again?" The last part was aimed at Calindin, who had been following quietly until now.

Taim did remember Androl, and not only from his encounter with the man while he had been missing the memories of his earlier life. He remembered the man who had barely been able to channel, but who had somehow rallied the faction that had opposed Taim even when Logain had disappeared and by all evidence had led them in their efforts against Taim. Logain might be the last person in the Black Tower Taim wanted to meet, but Androl Genhald was a close second.

"Joren Altair," Calindin replied distractedly.

"Yes, Asha'man Altair," Erin repeated, sparing the other woman a quick smile. "Talented in Healing, wasn't he?"

The other Aes Sedai nodded. Taim searched his memory for the name; he seemed to remember the man, vaguely. Most of the students that hadn't been in his closest circle or highest among Logain's followers were little more than vague memories.

The Dedicated leading them had brought them to the Palace, but instead of Logain's study, he led them to what seemed like a conference room, walls covered with rich tapestries and with a large oval-shaped table dominating the space in the middle of the room. Androl Genhald was standing to one side, with a tall man also wearing the Asha'man black and both pins on his high collar. Joren Altair was approximately in his mid thirties, with slightly curly black hair and the coppery skin marking him as Domani. At the sight of Taim, _saidin_ filled him and his eyes darted from Taim to Androl to the two Aes Sedai, then back to Androl. Androl gave the other Asha'man a level look, and the man released _saidin_. He didn't look too happy about it, though.

"Was it necessary to bring _him_ , Erin Sedai?" Androl asked.

Erin didn't as much as blink. "I was asked to accompany Calindin Sedai," she replied smoothly. "And my Warder goes where I go." Her tone more than suggested that it really was as simple as that. Perhaps it was for her. "I hope you people aren't hiding the fact that he's alive," she continued. "Not that it is of any consequence to you or any of the Asha'man anymore, of course. But there will have to be co-operation between the Towers, and we cannot have men jumping out of their skins at the sight of my Warder."

Altair looked like he wanted to protest at the 'jumping out of his skin' part, but another look from Androl silenced him before he could speak up. Androl himself looked like he wanted to say a few choice words on the matter, but he settled for a small grimace. "Very well, Erin Sedai." Then he turned his attention to the other Aes Sedai. "Calindin Sedai," he said, perhaps in greeting, perhaps not. "Of the Yellow Ajah, judging by your shawl and from what I've heard."

"Yes, Asha'man Androl," Calindin replied.

"You still want to do this, Joren?" Androl asked the other Asha'man, who had remained quiet until now and was still eyeing Taim warily.

"Yes, sir," Altair replied, finally turning his attention to the Aes Sedai. He tilted his head slightly and gave her a small smile.

"Very well then." Androl sounded distinctly amused. "Get on with it. This is not a wedding ceremony, for Light's sake."

Altair stepped closer to Calindin and bowed slightly, and she took his head between her hands. Taim felt the slight tingle of a woman holding the Power, but then it was gone again and Altair straightened, still looking intently at the Yellow Aes Sedai. Erin was watching the two with a smile; for some reason, she felt happy. Taim frowned. Even without seeing the flows channelled - as he obviously couldn't see _saidar_ \- he could figure out what had taken place. Flinn had said it wasn't exactly common practice, but thinking of Nissa, who might or might not still be wanting to bond the recruit who had started channelling a while back, and now Calindin… It certainly seemed to be becoming more common.

"You are satisfied that Asha'man Altair was not pressured into this, I trust?" Erin murmured, just loud enough for Taim and Androl to hear. She sounded perfectly respectful, but the feeling across the bond was a mix of wry amusement and mild exasperation.

Androl gave a slight nod. "Yes, Aes Sedai." His tone almost matched the wryness of Erin's feelings.

Erin smiled thinly. "That is good to hear," she said. "Now, do you think we might give them a moment of privacy before we have to head back to the Tower… the White Tower, that is."

"By all means."

* * *

The cosy sitting room was not something Erin would have expected to find in the Palace. One wall was lined with book shelves, another dominated by a massive marble fireplace where a hearty fire was roaring merrily. A painting depicting a stylised scene of a battle wrought with the One Power hung on one wall, with several smaller paintings around it. Erin wondered whether Logain had hired a painter specifically for the purpose of decorating the Black Tower; there couldn't possibly have been many paintings of men channelling just a few months ago. She accepted the cup of tea that floated through the air towards her with a gracious nod. Perhaps she should ask Androl about the paintings, just to get a conversation going. She was acutely aware of Taim standing behind her chair, by her left shoulder to be precise, and while she didn't mind him behaving like a proper Warder for a change, she didn't think Androl was buying any of it. She more than half suspected Taim was putting on the show of proper Warder-like behaviour just to throw the other man off balance. She made a mental note to have a long-overdue chat with her Warder once they were in private.

The silence was beginning to feel heavy. Erin frowned at the painting; perhaps something else. "We saw Queen Elayne on our way here," she said. "You're maintaining friendly relations towards Andor, I trust."

Androl shrugged. "You'll have to ask Logain about politics," he said. "But from what I understand, things are about as good as they can be, between the Black Tower and Andor. I understand that we're not fully trusted yet, but we're working on it. Asha'man ambassadors have been sent to various rulers across the continent. We don't have your Ajahs, but we do try to encourage the men to find a field they're good at and interested in. We are still evolving…" He cut off abruptly, as if afraid he had said too much.

Erin gave him a reassuring smile. "Of course," she said. "We have no small amount of adjusting to do ourselves, as well." More so than anyone outside the White Tower could begin to guess or should ever know. "I'm sure the Black Tower will find its place in the world."

"We'd better," the Asha'man said with a wry chuckle. "We're certainly here to stay."

And so they were; Erin could see that much clearly even without any Talent for Foretelling. For some reason, the bond carried a feeling of thoughtfulness. Taim had been feeling especially gloomy since they had Travelled from the White Tower, more so than during their previous visits to the Black Tower. In fact he had been unusually restless for the past while, but when she asked what had happened, all she got was a blank look and eventually she had begun to doubt her own perception. But she wasn't wrong about this; something _was_ different from before. She made a mental note of another thing to address once they were alone again.

The conversation seemed to have died again. Sipping her tea, Erin was considering the topic of the paintings again, when a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. "Enter," Androl called.

A young man wearing the Asha'man black without either of the pins entered and saluted fist to heart. "Sir, Delaine Sedai is here, but Lord Logain is still busy with the Queen." His eyes flickered briefly to Erin and Taim but his expression never changed. "Shall I tell her to wait?"

Androl grimaced slightly and stood up. "No, I will see her," he said. Then he turned to Erin again. "You will have to excuse me, Erin Sedai. It really would be best if you gathered your young companion and her new Warder and returned to Tar Valon." It didn't sound like a suggestion.

Erin set the teacup aside and stood as well. Outwardly she showed no sign of curiosity, but she was intrigued despite herself. She thought she recognised the name - Delaine Taborwin, of a minor branch of the House Taborwin and an Aes Sedai of the White Ajah - what business could she have in the Black Tower? "Very well, Asha'man Androl," she said with a warm smile. "Please think on what I said about co-operation between the Towers… Although I suppose you have that matter well in hand already judging by the number of Aes Sedai visitors you get."

The Asha'man's face went blank. "We will," he replied. Then, without another word he was gone, the young Soldier trailing after him.

Erin arched an eyebrow at the men's retreating backs. "I'm surprised they let us find our way out without an escort," she murmured. Amusement spiked across the bond, and she glanced up at Taim. "Do tell me what's so funny."

The man shook his head; the almost-smile that flashed across his lips seemed wry. "It's not as if they need to fear you sneaking about and finding out something you shouldn't. For one, I couldn't imagine you _sneaking_ , and I also don't think they harbour many dark secrets within these walls." The amusement gained a dark undercurrent. Very dark. "Nevertheless, I advise that we find Calindin Sedai and leave this place."

"Sound advice, my Gaidin," Erin replied smoothly, suppressing an amused smile. Of course, she couldn't hide it from the bond. The thought of taking a further look around the Black Tower grounds _had_ crossed her mind, not that she expected to find any 'dark secrets' as Taim put it, but simply because she was curious about this place and its inhabitants. She wouldn't risk damaging the fragile trust between the Towers for something as frivolous as satisfying her personal curiosity, though. Whatever her behaviour recently, she _had_ been Aes Sedai for three decades and possessed more sense than that.

Calindin was not difficult to find; she and Joren Altair were still in the same room where they had been left earlier, engaged in conversation. They both looked startled when Erin opened the door right after knocking. "We should get going." A small detour was required to pick up Joren's things, but soon enough the four of them were heading towards the Travelling grounds.

Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones. Elayne Trakand, with her escort escort, happened to be leaving as well. Erin prepared to curtsy as she realised that they couldn't just go their way without acknowledging each other - not only was Elayne the Queen of Andor, but she also stood so much higher than Erin in the One Power that in her presence Erin should merely smile and nod and speak when spoken to. But Elayne didn't seem to notice Erin, or Calindin for that matter. She had spotted Taim. And before Erin could form a coherent thought, let alone speak, the glow of _saidar_ surrounded the young Queen. Flows of Spirit and Air sprung into existence and while Erin stared, shocked by the sheer magnitude of the younger woman's channelling, Elayne had shielded Taim and wrapped him up in solid Air.

Taim's reaction was curious; he looked outwardly calm enough, for someone who couldn't move a finger and barely had enough movement space to breathe, but the almost-smile on his lips had a frozen quality to it and the bond was aflame with rage and… terror? Erin didn't understand. And right now, she didn't need to. "Elayne…" she began, bur faltered, trying to find the appropriate middle ground between diffident and indignant; the Green sister _was_ manhandling her Warder, after all! "Your Majesty," she tried again. "You can release the shield. He can't channel."

The golden head turned a fraction and the sapphire eyes fixed their cool gaze on Erin, who sank into a deep curtsy under the forceful regard of Elayne Trakand. Then she turned back to Logain. "Explain to me, Master Ablar." She didn't specify what she wanted explained, but the way her not-quite-scowl turned back to Taim and Erin spoke volumes.

Logain's face was carved from stone and his voice, when he spoke, was hard and cold. "Mazrim Taim is your White Tower's problem now." If looks could kill, Taim would have been fifty times dead, and probably Erin as well. "A full explanation would require more time than I have right now. Erin Sedai will be more than happy to explain, I am certain, as she's the one… responsible for Taim, as matters stand."

As Logain took his leave, Elayne turned her full attention to Erin. And waited. Somewhat belatedly, Erin realised that the young Queen was really waiting for that explanation right here and now. She drew a deep breath. "Your Majesty, is this the place to be having this conversation?" The meek tone was getting difficult to maintain, with the knot of emotions in the back of her head feeling like it wanted to scream. What _was_ wrong with him? Elayne wasn't doing anything besides shielding and keeping him tied with Air; he wasn't being physically hurt. Erin pushed her worry to the background and addressed Elayne again. "Please, will you release my Warder. He will not do anything." _He had better not._

The message finally seemed to get through to Elayne; the blue eyes widened. "Your _Warder_?" But she did release the flows of Air, slowly, as if expecting Taim to lunge at her as soon as he was free.

He didn't, of course. He staggered as the flows holding him vanished, but sidestepped away - not quite with his usual grace - when Erin reached out a hand to steady him. He seemed to be regaining his composure, bit by bit, although his hands were clasped together behind his back so hard that Erin almost expected to hear finger bones snapping. Something was very wrong and Erin intended to get to the bottom of it, but first she needed to deal with an angry Queen. Calindin was of no help, standing even lower than Erin and being newly raised at that, and the Asha'man who had been escorting Elayne seemed quite content to let things play out as they would. Though they were probably all holding the Power and ready to step in if things turned violent. Erin hoped so, at least. Not that she thought it would go to that, but if Elayne remained convinced that Taim was a Darkfriend, she would be able to use the Power to kill. The thought chilled Erin to the bone.

"Yes; my Warder," she repeated, holding on to the meek tone like her life depended on it. "And Lord Logain was right; it is a long story. Please, Majesty…" It suddenly occurred to her that many of the Asha'man were probably curious to hear the 'long story' as well. She was not going to relate it standing there!

Finally Elayne nodded, coolness incarnate. "Very well," she said, her tone indicating that she was granting a great favour. "You will come to Caemlyn with me and I will hear this story, and why I have not heard of this before."

Erin didn't want to go to Caemlyn; all she wanted was to get back to the White Tower and sit Taim down for a chat - after making sure he was all right, of course. But she couldn't see any way to decline, Elayne's authority simply by virtue of her strength in the Power made it very difficult for one such as Erin to do anything but obey.

Unexpectedly, Calindin came to her rescue. "Elayne Sedai - Your Majesty - I'm afraid that will not be possible." The meek tone sounded much more natural on her, Erin observed. "We have orders to return to the Tower - the White Tower - once our business here is done."

The stare Elayne directed at the newly raised Yellow should have made even Cadsuane Melaidhrin think twice before crossing the young Queen. Calindin bowed her head but stood her ground. "I see," Elayne said finally. "I will hear this story some other time, then."

"As you wish," Erin breathed. She thought her relief was echoed over the bond, but she might have imagined it.

* * *

They got back to Tar Valon without further incident. Taim followed Erin, trying to ignore the suspicious regard of Asha'man Altair as well as Erin's overwhelming concern, only half listening to the conversation between the two Aes Sedai.

"I wasn't aware we had orders to return to the Tower, Calindin," Erin was saying.

"Oh, you probably don't," the younger Aes Sedai replied. "The orders were for me and my Warder, sufficient to warrant the use of the plural, and if Elayne thought that it meant you as well…" She shrugged eloquently.

Erin replied something but Taim didn't hear what. He was going over the scene in his head again, trying to analyse it in a rational way. Everything had happened quite fast. Suddenly he had just been shielded and bound - and then, for a few short moments he had been back in that cell in the dungeons beneath the White Tower and it was Logain holding him tied, not Elayne Trakand, and-

He suppressed a shudder at the memory. Logain might have despised his methods but he had been a good student, even though Taim suspected that he was the only one Logain had ever used those particular skills on. Logain had always preferred blowing things up if force was needed to drive a point home; intimidating without damaging, as far as possible. Logain had always lacked the kind of cruel streak that many of the Asha'man had developed once they were given the tools to inflict pain.

He suddenly realised that they were in the Yellow Ajah quarters and Calindin and her new Warder had gone their own way. Erin took his arm and led him the rest of the way to their apartment. He was too tired to resist when Erin sat him down in one of the armchairs and pulled a stool for herself right next to him. "I'm fine," he said before she could speak.

The bond carried a mix of fondness and sadness with a tinge of exasperation. "You'll have to forgive me if I don't believe you." She didn't seem aware that she was stroking his arm soothingly. "Something happened there, something more than what I could see with my eyes. Will you tell me?"

He didn't want to talk about it, and not only because of the deep-rooted instinct to not under any circumstances show any sign of weakness. But if he left Erin thinking he was keeping secrets… "The last time I was… helpless… like that, at someone else's mercy…" The voice that spoke didn't sound like him, weary and faltering and pathetic. He had to force himself to keep going. "It was when we had just come to Tar Valon. The interrogation." Why was he so affected by that particular memory, anyway? No matter how skilled Logain was, his treatment was hardly anything compared to what he had experienced at the hands of Demandred or Moridin before his ascension to the ranks of the Forsaken. And nothing - _nothing_ \- could compare to the agony and ecstasy of hearing the voice of the Great Lord - the Dark One - in Shayol Ghul.

Erin nodded thoughtfully, and the sadness over the bond magnified tenfold. "Of course," she said. "I should have seen that. And I call myself a Healer…" A grimace twisted her mouth briefly. "Sometimes, a traumatic experience leaves more than scars. Sometimes something triggers the memory of that experience in full and you relive parts of it."

"So you're saying it could happen again when something reminds me of that… _experience_?" That would be an inconvenience he really didn't want to be dealing with. He had been hanging by a thread; only the instinct for self-preservation combined with every shred of his considerable willpower had kept him from breaking through the shield - he was certain he could have - and obliterating the Queen of Andor where she stood. And only pride and vanity had kept him upright when she released him.

Erin shook her head. "It's more complicated than that," she said. "You're probably remembering it right now, and you're coherent."

Taim nodded slowly; of course she was right. "That's going to be inconvenient if we ever come up against an enemy who uses the Power, again," he muttered. "A Warder can't just…" He trailed off, the sheer humiliation of the memory stole his voice.

"I'm sure Elayne would be thrilled to hear you name her enemy," Erin noted wryly. But she didn't give him time to protest that that wasn't what he had meant at all. "And if you think you're the first Warder to be traumatised by something that happened to them, you're badly mistaken. It's generally quite well hidden; it's in everyone's best interests to maintain the reputation of the Warders as men made of stone and steel. But at the end of the day we're all just human, Mazrim. _You're_ human." She raised a hand to smooth a stray lock of black hair behind his ear. The gesture turned into a hesitant caress, as if she expected him to tell her to keep her hands off him. He wanted to, but speaking the words felt like too much effort.

"We'll work this out," she said after a while. "It would be easier if you trusted me, but I'm not giving up on you."

He almost wanted to laugh. "Of course," he said, trying not to sound as bleak as he felt. "Of course…"


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I'm sorry. But there you go. As always, I live off feedback, so please do leave a few words if you liked/disliked/found it a total waste of your time! x)

Erin wove the flows of Water, Air and Spirit that formed Healing - the traditional way of Healing, that is - and the recruit before her gave a gasp and shuddered violently. She withdrew her hands and looked at the Accepted standing next to her, a pretty young girl with dark hair in a braid halfway down her back. Bodewhin Cauthon had been tested and raised shortly after the Last Battle - one of those quickly raised girls that she had heard some of the more conservative sisters grumbling about - and was quick to learn when she put her mind to it. Erin doubted the girl would choose Yellow, though. She had some skill, but her interests lay elsewhere.

"I've seen and practised the weave dozens of times, Erin Sedai," the girl said, trying to sound meek instead of impatient, with the result of simply sounding like she had a sore tooth. "I know I can do it. Will you let me?"

Erin smiled thinly. "We'll have to see whether more Healing is required before your novice class begins," she said. There was always a Yellow sister by the training grounds in case of accidents, and right now it was Erin's turn. And now, with the number of novices and Accepted there currently were, more often than not there were several Accepted accompanying the sister to watch and learn. Some, however, were more intent on watching the Warders sparring a bit further away. "Are you as eager to try, Jasmen?" she asked, not bothering to moderate the wryness of her voice.

The other girl, slim and almost a head taller than Erin, started guiltily and turned hastily to face the Aes Sedai. For a moment she scrambled for an answer, then she seemed to realise that Erin wasn't expecting one and that she was well aware that she hadn't been paying attention. Crimson flooded her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry, Aes Sedai," she stammered, eyes wide with apprehension. Accepted caught daydreaming when they should have been paying attention were usually punished more severely than novices; they should have been more mature than that, or so it was in theory at least.

Erin suppressed a sigh. "Yes, you will be once you report yourself to Rosil Sedai." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. She had been going to simply give the girl a few choice words about paying attention and then send her on her way. She let none of her annoyance - at either the girl or at herself - show, however; the visit to the Mistress of Novices would drive the point home better than anything Erin could say. The girl squeaked, made as if to run off, then looked back at Erin, clearly undecided whether Erin meant for her to go report right away or stay until the appointed time of the 'lesson' was done. "Go on," Erin said coolly. The girl bobbed a hasty curtsy and scurried off. One of the Warders she had been staring at was Taim. Erin wasn't jealous, exactly, but…

She shook her head just a fraction. "You may go as well," she told Bodewhin. "Not to Rosil Sedai," she added when the Accepted gave her a startled look, "unless you've done something I'm not aware of?" A touch of wryness tinged her voice. "It doesn't look like anyone is going to stab himself today, and I'm sure you could be doing something more productive than standing here with me."

"Yes, Aes Sedai." The girl curtsied and hurried off.

Erin adjusted the shawl around her shoulders; the sky-blue dress she was wearing was embroidered with yellow that matched the shawl precisely. She felt almost pretty. At least until she saw the young Green sister, Lisandre Saravin, gliding towards the training grounds with her two Warders trailing after her like trained wolfhounds. Lisandre had had three Warders before the Last Battle. She was lucky that to have lost only one. The Green Ajah had suffered heavy casualties - they all had, but especially the Green and the Red, and Yellow the least, due to so many of them being stationed in Mayene, out of harm's way - and many of the surviving Green sisters would take a long time to recover from the loss of several Warders. Suddenly the sunny day seemed colder.

It was not long after that she felt Taim coming closer. Even with the brooding stormcloud that the man's mood had been for the past while, his presence made her… not happy, precisely, but almost. Close enough. She smiled as she turned to look at him. 'Beautiful' might have been an exaggeration, but he was certainly more than handsome, and he had a presence that made his looks almost irrelevant. Mazrim Taim dominated the space he was in, whether it was a room the size of Erin's sittingroom or the Hall of the Tower itself, and he seemed to do it without thinking. Oh, Erin wouldn't have gone as far as to say that he was _unaware_ of the effect he had - quite the contrary; the man knew exactly how impressive he was and revelled in it - it just required no conscious effort.

"Erin," he greeted her with a brief nod as he came to stand beside her. The wry twist to his lips as he scanned the surroundings in a very Warder-like manner couldn't be called a smile - Erin didn't think she'd ever seen him smile, she wondered idly if he even knew how - but it managed to communicate a measure of amusement. The thundercloud had momentarily… not lifted, precisely, but it seemed less likely to break out in a lightning storm.

"Mazrim," she replied. She tilted her head slightly to look up at him. "No news since this morning," she said before he could ask. He shot her a flat look, but the bond transferred something that might have been relief. By 'news' she meant a summons from Elayne Trakand; she didn't know whether one would be coming, but she had to expect one anyway. Always prepare for the worst.

"I don't suppose there's much chance she's actually forgotten..?" Taim ventured, but neither his voice nor the bond held much hope.

"Wouldn't count on it." She reached to pat his arm and though his face never changed, she got the impression that he nearly flinched. She looked away, partly to hide her grimace. The clouds were back, blacker than ever and right that moment she would have bet anything that a storm was not far off.

Then the moment passed and he seemed to get a hold of himself and the stormclouds faded into the background again. He drew a deep breath. "I don't suppose there's any chance we could leave the Tower for a while? Until she does forget?"

Erin shook her head ruefully. "Women never forget," she said. That said, she could have used some time away from the Tower, herself. There was work to be done, all over the continent, and she more than suspected that Taim was the only reason she hadn't been sent out to help in whatever way other sisters were. Well, her lack of interest in politics might have played a part as well, but she was certain Taim was the larger factor. Her superiors were reluctant to let him out of their sight. "I'll see what I can do," she added.

"Thank you." The words were so quiet that she might have imagined them altogether - she honestly wouldn't have put it past herself at this point - but the hand that rested lightly on her shoulder for a brief moment was no imagination. But before she could say anything, he turned and stalked away.

* * *

Taim wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or murder someone. He very much didn't want to meet Elayne Trakand again, that part he didn't need to fake. And the gesture _had_ been almost spontaneous. He just hadn't expected Erin to react as if he'd given her the greatest gift she'd ever received. Oh, outwardly she was all Aes Sedai serenity - which probably just meant that she was too stunned for words, because the Aes Sedai serenity wasn't a part of her normal behaviour - but the bond was aflame with such a tangle of emotions that Taim couldn't begin to decipher most of it. No; he probably could have. He didn't want to. And he especially didn't want to think about what the bond must be sending back to Erin.

Why did the idea of deliberately misleading Erin regarding his feelings suddenly seem more reprehensible than using Compulsion on her and making her release the bond and slitting her throat? It wasn't as if he was planning on taking advantage and sharing her bed, for Light's sake!

His path took him all the way to the North Harbour - the furthest he could get from the White Tower without leaving the island. There were no really shady taverns in Tar Valon, but one frequented by sailors and dock workers would do for anonymity. Even if it meant that the wine was barely drinkable. He wasn't planning on getting drunk - the memory, hazy as it was, of Flinn all but carrying him back to the Yellow Ajah quarters was quite sufficient to suppress any such desire. Besides, now he couldn't afford to lose his wits like that. A careless word might send him to the gallows, and nothing Erin could do would save him. If she would even want to save him with his memory intact. He almost wished…

He froze, with the wine cup half raised, frowning at the dark red liquid. He _definitely_ didn't wish he had never regained his memory. Or did he? Life had been… simpler, without. Easier. _Understatement of the year._ He brought the cup to his lips and drank deeply. If he hadn't remembered, he might have eventually come to… more than tolerate Erin. Eventually. Being stuck together like that inevitably did things to people. He had seen this in the Black Tower among some of the younger unmarried men - and the time hadn't even been particularly long, while he could be stuck with Erin for…

Another thought struck him. _Light._ When he had been thinking of a lifetime being bonded to Erin, he had been thinking of the natural life span of a regular man, not taking into account the slowing. Was he really looking at _centuries_ of pretending? He shook his head. No; of course he couldn't hide his ability to channel for that long, exactly because of the slowing. It might take them ten years to begin to wonder why he wasn't ageing the was he was supposed to, maybe fifteen if he was lucky - _lucky!_ \- but they would notice and then at the very least it would be all over. He wanted to think that in ten or fifteen years things would have changed enough that the pretence would no longer be necessary… But of course, realistically thinking, he wasn't going to last ten years. Ten weeks was closer to truth, and even that was stretching it. Sometimes - right now - just getting through the next ten hours seemed like a challenge equal to attempting to lift the Dragonmount with his bare hands.

* * *

Damer Flinn was all settled for a quiet evening with Corele after yet another day of trying to puzzle out a way to reverse the effects of the Turning. He had a book he didn't intend to read, a cup of tea he half wished was wine but Corele wouldn't have approved… And when Corele herself glided out of the bedroom wearing a pale yellow silk dressing robe - and nothing besides it, if he was interpreting the mischievous feeling across the bond anywhere near correctly - he knew the evening was going to be perfect even without the wine. The Aes Sedai smiled, blue eyes sparkling, and tilted her head, making the mass of unruly black curls swing. Light, but she was beautiful! And brave, for having accepted him as he was before _saidin_ had been cleansed. And right now, there was nothing of the fabled Aes Sedai coolness about her.

She walked to where he was sitting, swaying her hips considerably more than necessary, and promptly sat herself in his lap. "Do you think I might manage to distract you from…" She turned the book so that she could see the title. " _Along the Blightborder_?" She raised her eyebrows and a fond sort of amusement tinged the bond. "Missing the battles already, my Gaidin?" she murmured, laying her head against his shoulder while hands ventured to unlace his shirt.

"Never," he said, perhaps more curtly than he should have, but she took no offence. That was one of the many advantages of the bond; sharing one another's feelings helped avoid misunderstandings. He set the book aside and put his arms around her.

And then there was a knock on the door.

Corele groaned quietly and let her hands fall down to her lap. "Why now..?" Then she picked herself up and straightened her robe to cover her decently before stalking to the door, muttering darkly not quite under her breath, "If it's Suana wanting bloody a report of your progress with the flaming…" She trailed off as she opened the door. "Erin," she said flatly.

"I'm sorry to be disturbing you this late in the evening," Erin's voice said; Flinn couldn't see the shorter Aes Sedai behind Corele. "But I… I need to speak to your Warder, Corele. Please." She sounded apologetic but determined, and more than that, she sounded almost afraid.

"You need to speak to my Warder," Corele repeated blandly. Dangerously so, as anyone who knew her should have known; 'bland' wasn't an adjective that described Corele Hovian. Calm before the storm, and all that…

Flinn stood up and walked to the door as well and laid a hand on his Aes Sedai's shoulder. He could feel her irritation, it was plain to see even without the bond, and he wasn't completely unaffected himself. He knew, however, that there was only one thing that could have made Erin intrude on another Aes Sedai's privacy like this. But Light knew, Taim could have picked a better time for… whatever it was that he had done now. "Come on in, Erin Sedai," he said, steering Corele back into the room. "What's happened?" he asked when the door closed behind Erin.

The Aes Sedai shook her head slowly. "I don't know," she said. "That's why I don't know what to do about it. Everything seemed to be fine in the morning and then he just…" She trailed off and drew a shuddering breath. "I don't know. But I'm… afraid."

Flinn was already looking for his coat. To his surprise, Corele found it and handed it to him. She was still glaring daggers at him and Erin almost equally, but the feeling over the bond had turned into resignation with, for whatever reason, a touch of pride. He accepted the coat with a quick smile, hoping the bond communicated everything he didn't have the time to speak out loud. Turning back to Erin, he spoke again. "Where is he?"

Something like hope sparked in Erin's eyes. "North Harbour, as near as I can tell," she said. "I don't dare go to him," she continued, speaking in a rush, as if afraid she wouldn't get the words out otherwise. "I don't know what he might do."

"North-?" Flinn frowned. "Do you think he's attempting to run..?" he asked incredulously. That would be beyond foolish, and whatever else Taim was or had been, the man was not a fool.

For a moment she seemed to struggle with what to say. Finally she shook her head again. "I don't know. Perhaps. But I don't think that involves catching a ship…"

Flinn glanced at Corele, whose puzzled frown must have matched his own expression. Then he realised what Erin was implying. The bond told him that Corele had reached the same conclusion; her eyes widened and the irritation was replaced by a sense of uneasy concern as she regarded Erin in silence. _Light._ "I'll find him, Erin," he promised. "You can stay here with Corele if you don't want to be alone. Just sit tight. I'll bring him back." He was halfway out of the door when Corele caught hold of his sleeve.

"Be careful, Damer," she said.

He gave her a small grin. "I can channel," he said. "He can't. Whatever he might try, I think that tips the odds in my favour."

A wry undercurrent tinged the feelings flowing over the bond. "Just be careful," she repeated. "That's an order, Gaidin."

"Yes, Aes Sedai." It would have been such a perfect evening…

* * *

He took a horse from the stables; one of the side effects of channelling might be gradually making him younger, but he didn't fancy running all the way to North Harbour with his bad leg. Halfway there he realised he could have just Travelled, but that held its own risks. He didn't want to accidentally slice some poor person into half by opening a gateway on top of them. He headed straight to the docks, which were quiet at this time of the day but never truly deserted. Guards were stationed at all bridges and both harbours at all times. It was one of the guards he approached, channelling a small sphere of light to show the man that he wasn't trying to sneak up on him, as well as to identify himself.

"Evening," he greeted the man. "I'm looking for someone and I've reason to believe he might be somewhere around here, potentially in a dangerous mood. Tall, dark, brooding. Saldaean, you know, with the nose and all. Don't suppose you've seen anyone of the sort?"

The guard took in his black coat with the Asha'man pins - everyone in Tar Valon knew what those meant, these days, and the marks of his rank gained him almost the same respect as people might show an Aes Sedai. "No, sir," the guard replied. "Seen nobody around here who shouldn't be, tonight. Not on my watch."

Flinn nodded curtly. "Thank you." He wheeled his horse around and found the next guard, and when the answer was the same, the next one. Nobody had seen a man of Taim's description loitering about the docks, and gradually Flinn began to relax. Perhaps - he didn't believe it, but it _was_ possible - Erin had been overreacting. He wouldn't count on it, though. After a moment of thought, he began a systematic search through the taverns in the area.

He found Taim in the third place he searched. The Saldaean was sitting at a corner table, staring blankly into the cup before him. Flinn sighed. Well, at least the man was alive. Anything else could be worked on. He strode across the room and pulled a chair from another table and sat down across the table from Taim.

The former M'Hael lifted his gaze from the cup and for a moment there was nothing in his eyes. Then he seemed to snap out of it and the familiar almost-smile made a fleeting appearance. "Flinn. What brings you to this Light-forsaken corner of our beautiful city?"

"If you're drunk, Taim," Flinn started, but Taim silenced him with an impatient gesture.

"Drunk? On this… whatever it is it can't be called wine," he said, with a disgusted grimace at the half full cup. "By all means, don't take my word for it, try it yourself. I'm sure even you couldn't drink enough of that stuff to get drunk."

Flinn gave him a level look. Sure enough, he didn't sound drunk, as far as articulation went at least. "Then what exactly are you doing here, in this - what did you call it? - Light-forsaken corner of Tar Valon?" he asked. "Plotting escape?" He wasn't talking about leaving the city on a ship any more than Erin had been, and the look on the other man's face said that he understood perfectly.

Taim shrugged. "The thought did cross my mind," he said in an almost casual tone. When Flinn didn't say anything for a moment, he frowned. A genuinely startled look flashed across his face and was gone as soon as it came, but his voice held a note of disbelief when he spoke. "You'd actually care, wouldn't you?" Without waiting for an answer, he went on, "Oh, this is priceless. This is absolutely hilarious-"

Anything else he might have been about to say was cut off as Flinn's fist connected with his face, with enough force to knock his chair over backwards. Taim landed on the floor in an inelegant heap of flailing limbs, before he managed to scramble to his feet. Fury warred with wide-eyed astonishment on his face. "Did you just strike me, Asha'man Flinn?"

They were attracting some attention, but Flinn gestured at the onlookers to stay back; for a wonder, even the tavern keeper complied. "I did," Flinn replied. "I can do it again if you'd like. Or would you prefer to sit down and calm down and talk to me?"

For a while longer the younger man stood glaring murder. Then he shrugged and righted the chair and sat down again, gesturing at Flinn to do the same. "I guess Erin wouldn't appreciate the other option," he said, almost casually. He picked up the cup and drained it, grimacing at the taste. "Let me guess," he started. "Erin sent you to look after me."

"Erin Sedai doesn't have the authority to _send_ me anywhere," Flinn replied in a level voice. "She is, however, a friend and friends help each other out."

"Heartwarming."

Flinn ignored the comment. "I'm going to take you back to the Tower," he said. "I promised Erin I would. But before we go back I think we should talk." Taim said nothing, just watched him warily. Flinn continued, "Has she told you how she was burned out?"

Taim blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Come now, you can be incredibly thick regarding some things but you're neither blind nor stupid," Flinn said. "You must have noticed she doesn't have the Aes Sedai look. And you must also know that she's worn the shawl for thirty years or so. And even if you didn't know that stilling or burning out cancels the ageless look, you should have figured that something was not right." He could see the younger man processing the information and concluding that he must be telling the truth. "I don't know how much you know of what went down during the months of war. Suffice it to say that towards the end of it, our resources were damn near exhausted, including channellers. Erin was stationed in Mayene, with most of the Yellow Ajah, Healing the wounded. And it was in the last days of the war that she Healed one soldier too many. Because of her there's a man in Murandy who returned to his family with both his legs intact."

Taim's face showed nothing. Flinn went on, "I Healed her myself, after the battle was done, her and a couple of others. But I don't think she was thinking 'oh it can be Healed anyway' when she drew too much to Heal that soldier. She saw a man who was dying and she had the power to stop it."

Finally Taim spoke. "If you're trying to impress upon me that I don't deserve her, Flinn, believe me I am quite aware of that," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh, nothing of the sort," Flinn replied, only partly lying. "I don't mean you do, by any means, but she seems to want you, for whatever reason, so who am I to judge? My point - if I have one, I mean I could be just talking to keep you from wallowing in your misery…" He gave a small grin at the indignant glare that received. "My point is that she's been through quite enough already without you adding a dead Warder to the mix. I'm sure you weren't actually going to," he added when Taim opened his mouth to protest, "but Erin thought you might. She was worried enough to interrupt… Well, that's none of your business. But you might want to tone down on the brooding a bit, just to avoid any future misunderstandings of the sort. Think you can manage that?"

Taim stared at him as if trying to figure out whether he was making fun of him. Then he nodded slowly. "If that's what it takes to get a moment of peace around here," he said wryly, or at least he was most likely attempting a wry tone but managed to sound just tired. He raised his hands to his face and winced as he touched the swollen area around his left eye.

"Yes, I think we'd best take care of that before we go back…" Flinn muttered, reaching a hand over the table to touch the younger man's arm, and wove the weaves of Healing. The look Taim gave him was wry, very much so, but he affected not to notice. Pushing back his chair, he stood up. "Come on then." Taim followed him out and he wove a gateway to the Tower's Travelling grounds. Only after they were both through and he'd let the weave dissipate did he remember that he'd had a horse, but he was too tired to go back and get it. He could send a servant to get the animal.

* * *

Erin knew the exact moment Taim returned to the Tower grounds, presumably with Flinn, unless someone else had Healed him just moments earlier - whatever _had_ hit him in the first place? - and she had to concentrate on not getting up and running to meet them halfway to the Yellow Ajah quarters. No; she made herself sit still, if not exactly _calmly_ , and wait until she could feel him right outside the door. Even then he didn't come in right away. The bond was mostly unreadable, which was the way she was used to; he was not easy to read in his normal, composed state of mind. Then the door opened and Mazrim Taim walked in, shutting the door behind him. And stopped when he saw Erin. Later she couldn't have explained her actions; it was something about his stance, or the look in his eyes, or perhaps some vague undercurrent of the bond that she couldn't begin to read… But when he flashed that almost-smile, without the inherent contempt that usually accompanied the expression, she closed the distance between them and threw her arms around him. For a while - an eternity - he was still, the bond flooded with shock. Then, hesitantly, as if he only had a very vague idea of what he was doing, his arms came up around her and he returned the embrace.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took embarrassingly long; I'm sorry. I hope someone is still reading this. Enjoy!

Waking up the next morning, Taim didn't at first remember where he was or how he had ended up there. He lay on his back, staring into darkness, and all he wanted was to go back to sleep; despite having slept relatively well in the end he still felt exhausted. But something, a vague memory at the edge of his consciousness, wouldn't let him drift off again. Slowly it dawned on him that the bed was not his own, it was wider and the mattress and the pillows were softer. A very vague memory surfaced, more a fragment than a memory proper, of Erin taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. Of himself too tired and numb to protest as she helped him out of his coat and shoes. Of her climbing into the bed with him and holding him, just holding him until he fell asleep. Himself, too broken to care.

_Erin…_

The bond told him she was not in the apartment or even in the Yellow Ajah quarters. She felt focused, determined, purposeful, with an undercurrent of worry. Something warm and bright, like sunlight, flooded the bond when she realised he was awake, drowning the worry. The focused determination remained, however, and she stayed where she was. That was a relief. He didn't think he could face her yet. What _was_ he going to say to her? _Thank you but don't make a habit of it?_ Not likely. He closed his eyes again and after a while drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Erin glided along the hallway next to Suana Dragand, the head of the Yellow Ajah. The First Weaver was not satisfied with the situation, but she couldn't come up with a reason to keep Erin confined in Tar Valon when the Amyrlin Seat herself had granted her leave to go about her business. Not that any sister should need permission to leave the Tower as they wished, but Erin had grown accustomed to the 'special circumstances' that bound her. Someone else might have been spluttering in indignation for having their freedom restricted like that even if they had no plans of ever leaving the Tower, but Erin saw no point in that. A small, wry smile tugged at her mouth at the thought. _How very White way of looking at it._ But now she wanted to leave - she had promised Taim she would look into it - and she had been given permission, and Suana or any other worried party would just have to trust her judgement. Hers, and the Amyrlin's, the latter of which held vastly more weight for most people even though Erin knew her Warder and Cadsuane did not.

"I could have you assigned in Caemlyn or Cairhien," the First Weaver said, not for the first time. "There is great need for sisters in both cities." And it would put Erin sight under the watchful eyes of several other sisters in either city. Although of course Suana wouldn't say that out loud.

"Thank you, but no," Erin replied, also not for the first time. Caemlyn especially was out of the question, not that she was going to explain why. "I am quite content to leave politics to those better equipped to deal with such things." That earned her a look of mild disapproval, but she ignored it. She was not politically oblivious - nobody trained in the White Tower could be - she was just uninterested. Manoeuvring for influence in the Hall or over some king or queen was a distraction from the purpose of her Ajah, and often distasteful business at that.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Suana muttered. Erin didn't grace the comment with a reply, and they walked the rest of the way to the Yellow Ajah quarters in silence.

Taim was still asleep when she got back to her apartment. He had woken briefly earlier in the morning, and the feeling of him across the bond had almost made Erin herself want to sleep. His exhaustion was not the physical sort, though, and while sleep could have a healing effect, no amount of sleep would fix the problem. She stopped for a moment in the doorway to her bedroom, watching him. He didn't quite manage to look peaceful even asleep, but for once his dreams, if he was dreaming, weren't full of terror and pain. Had she been thirty years younger, Erin might have fancied that it was her doing, that her presence had kept the nightmares at bay. She shook her head at the trail of thought. "Don't be silly," she muttered under her breath, more amused than actually annoyed with herself for a change. She went to the wardrobe, turning her back to her sleeping Warder, and began to search for something suitable for travelling.

Even though her back was turned, she knew exactly when Taim woke again. She felt him assessing the situation before he spoke, "What time is it?" He felt wary, reserved, and… resigned? "Do I want to know?" he added after a moment.

That earned a smile, even if he couldn't see it. "I wouldn't know about that," she said lightly. "But it's past lunch time. I had something brought for you from the kitchens." She found the dress she was looking for, fine dark blue wool with narrow skirts divided for riding, and took it out.

"Are we going somewhere?" Taim asked. Curiosity spiked across the bond.

Erin stifled a smile; it was good to see him taking interest. The crippling apathy she had felt from him earlier… She didn't want to think about it. "You wanted to leave the Tower for a while, didn't you?" she said.

"Yes, but you said…"

"I said I'd see what I can do," Erin finished. "And it turns out that the Amyrlin trusts my judgement. And keeping a sister confined to the Tower at a time like this requires more excuse than that they mistrust my Warder. It is… frowned upon… that so many people are trying to tell me what to do about my Warder in the first place."

Taim felt wryly amused, with an undercurrent of something… dark. He got out of the bed and tried straightening his rumpled shirt. It obviously didn't do much good. "Where are we going?" he asked, looking around as if searching for something. He found his coat folded on the chair and picked it up, proceeded to look for his shoes.

"Do you have a preference?" Erin asked and pointed out the shoes under the bed.

"Not really." After a second he added, "Well, Saldaea might not be a good idea."

Erin rolled her eyes. "I might have figured that out for myself," she said, smiling to take the edge off the words. She took a step closer and looked up at him. He looked back, his dark eyes gave away nothing. The bond was almost as unreadable. Then he brushed past her, walking out of the room. Erin sighed and continued packing. She would find a way to help him, but it would take time. Wounds of the flesh were easily Healed. The spirit, it took longer. The bond told her that Taim was growing marginally less tense now that he was not in the same room with her. She grimaced, allowing herself the expression now that he wasn't there to see it. It was frustrating, sometimes, when it didn't seem like she was making any progress and she couldn't even afford to let herself feel the frustration properly for fear of pushing him away. But she knew it would take time, and she had all the time in the world.

* * *

Some hours later they were approaching a village in southern Kandor. Erin sat on the driver's seat of the merchant's wagon, next to the merchant himself. Young Kaiden Nakova was on his way to Chachin with supplies for rebuilding, but gateways large enough to fit a wagon through were expensive and when Erin had offered him one free of charge he had been happy to take the offer even if it didn't place him straight to the capital. Not that Erin herself could make a gateway that large; she had been forced to ask for help with that. But arriving with a merchant train would attract less attention to her personally. At least until she found the first person who needed Healing. Not that she had any particular reason to hide from attention; people in the Borderlands had always been quite respectful towards Aes Sedai. It was just an old instinct, from the years she had spent roaming the countryside with Josua in lands where Aes Sedai weren't necessarily trusted.

"If I may ask, Erin Sedai…" Master Nakova waited for Erin's nod before continuing. "You are not on your way to Saldaea?"

"Not for the moment," Erin replied. "Why would you think we were?"

The man glanced to the side, where Taim was riding beside the wagon. "Your Warder is Saldaean," he said. "I thought maybe you were on your way to assist with the rebuilding in his homeland."

"Ah." Erin let her gaze linger on Taim for a moment. He looked striking, as always, even though the dark green coat he was wearing was one of the most ordinary he owned. He would never look ordinary, not with that face and his sheer physical presence. He sensed her watching him and glanced back, flashing that almost-smile, but it felt forced. Erin was very careful not to frown, though she wanted to. Had it been a mistake to leave the Tower so soon? With difficulty she wrenched her mind back to the merchant sitting next to her. "We may go to Saldaea eventually," she said. _Not on this journey, though, and likely not for years yet. But we may. Eventually._ "But that is no longer his home, any more than Jehannah is mine. My Warder belongs to the White Tower, like myself."

"Of course."

They reached the village a couple of hours before sunset. The village was a gathering of houses, more unfinished than finished, surrounded by a scattering of farms in similar state. None of the farms would bring harvest this year; the summer was already slowly turning to fall and crops would have no time to grow before winter. Erin hoped that food could be brought in to last the village through the oncoming winter; there was food in the south if only it could be distributed efficiently. She made a mental note to check that the White Tower was involved in the distribution, once she got back to Tar Valon. Or maybe the Black Tower were running such things. She could well imagine the Asha'man being better at logistics.

The merchant's wagons were soon surrounded by curious villagers, from unreservedly enthusiastic children to adults who watched the procession with varying degrees of hope and wariness. Nobody seemed to be starving, that Erin could see, but their clothes were worn and patched and many of the children wore no shoes. These people were building their lives up from scratch, had been doing so ever since the war had ended and the process was slow when their very villages had been burned to the ground. But their faces held no despair. Worry, yes, for winter was approaching and they had children to feed and clothe, but stronger than worry was the determination to survive and rebuild. Erin found herself wishing that the Lord Dragon could have seen this, all the people that his sacrifice had given a chance to live.

She shook her head, amused at her own thoughts. Taim was watching her curiously, no doubt wondering at the change in her emotions. She smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way; this received a wry almost-smile that actually matched the feelings transmitted by the bond. Once the wagon lurched to a halt, Erin climbed down and approached one of the women who had gathered to watch. She was relatively young-looking but something about her stance and the look in her eyes spoke of authority. "Excuse me," she said, "I am Erin Davian. Is there a Wisdom or a Wise Woman or something similar in this village?"

The woman gave her a long, evaluating look, not hostile or suspicious, just unsure what to make of her. "You don't look like you're seeking to apprentice yourself," she said after a moment. "Not in a village like this, not when you can afford clothes like that." Then her expression melted into a smile. "And that tall, dark fellow is either your Warder or your husband, from the way he's keeping an eye on you, and he doesn't look like the type to stick around in a place like this even if you would."

Erin smiled back. "You're right," she said. "I'm not looking for an apprenticeship. I'm just passing through. I do however know something about healing and was going to offer my services if they're needed, but I don't want to do so without the blessing of the local authority, if there is one."

The woman nodded, as if Erin's response had confirmed something to her. "I am Samara Takini, and I am currently the Wise Woman of this village. I was an apprentice before the war, in another village that no longer exists. I do not know whether my mentor still lives, but I will care for this village to the best of my abilities." A pause. "Should I call you Erin Sedai?"

"That… will not be necessary, Mistress Takini," Erin replied. Obviously, out of the two options, Taim looked more like a Warder than a husband. Oh well. "But I meant what I said. My Healing is available, if there is any need."

Mistress Takini gave a curt nod. "Thank you for the offer." She made a stiff curtsy, clearly unused to such gestures, and the conversation was clearly at an end. Erin returned to the wagon, where Taim was tending to his horse.

"Will we stay with this merchant all the way to Chachin?" the Warder asked.

"I haven't decided yet," Erin replied. "I don't see a reason to go separate ways unless we find a place where we're needed to stay for longer than one night." The bond carried a curious mix of disappointment and something that felt distinctly like relief but was gone too quickly to analyse further. Erin thought of asking, but decided against it. "The inn is less than half finished so we'll camp with Master Nakova tonight."

* * *

Taim sat staring into the campfire. It didn't really need watching; Erin's wards made sure that the fire would stay where it was supposed to. She seemed to know all sorts of weaves that were handy for camping. When Taim had commented on the fact, she had just said that she'd used to do a lot of travelling with her first Warder. That would have been over twenty years ago. It was strange to think that Erin had been Aes Sedai for as long as Taim had been alive. Most of the time she seemed younger than him, not older. But then again there were moments when she showed such perception and insight of the human nature… It really shouldn't take him by surprise anymore. It never should have. She was Aes Sedai, after all.

Right now she was sleeping peacefully on the other side of the campfire, happily unaware of the fact that she was shielded, cut off from the True Source.

It would be the easiest thing ever to place the Compulsion, wake her and make her release the bond. He could make the Compulsion hold for long enough that they could leave with the merchant train in the morning and go their own way after leaving the village. Nobody would know what had happened to Erin; the White Tower would miss her after a while, but not too soon. By that time, Taim could be… Where? On the run again, hiding from the justice of the Black Tower for the rest of his life. He cut that line of thought short before he got to the part about how long that life might potentially be. It wouldn't do to have Erin waking up to find herself shielded because he was being… pathetic.

But what was he to do? He had few options, and each one was a disaster.

With his _saidin_ -heightened senses he heard the footsteps approaching before he could see the newcomer; one of Master Nakova's guards walked past, nodding at Taim as he passed. Taim returned the nod with a sharp look, but the man was gone from his mind almost before the footsteps faded again. Erin stirred but didn't wake. Taim shook his head and released the shield and - reluctantly - _saidin_. Acting with so many people around was always a risk, no matter how careful he thought he was being. He had a perfectly valid reason to delay at least until they were rid of the merchant. A voice at the back of his mind was telling him that he was being an idiot. Idiot for not acting now, or for even contemplating such a course of action? He wasn't sure. Maybe just an idiot in general. Either way, he wasn't sure he disagreed. He just wished that voice didn't sound so much like Damer Flinn.

* * *

During the next days they passed the ruins of several farms and something that didn't look like it had ever been big enough to call a village. Erin wondered how long it would take until the countryside was back to the way it had been, with farms and villages full of life. So many people had died. It was somehow more noticeable out here than in cities that were still filled with refugees who lacked either the resources or the will to go back to their former homes and rebuild.

The road was in less than optimal condition but for the most part it was passable, but the rain that began on the third evening and lasted well into the morning turned the track into a muddy mess and reduced the distance travelled the following day to half. After the wagon got stuck once so that not only the two guards but Master Nakova and even Taim were needed to get it moving again, they decided to camp early and hope that the night wouldn't bring more rain. Erin didn't have enough skill in weather manipulation to do much if it did decide to rain, as she told the very frustrated merchant over a cup of tea that evening.

"What good are you then?" the man demanded heatedly. "What exactly _can_ you do?"

Erin arched an eyebrow - gesturing at Taim to keep silent - and gave the merchant her best Aes Sedai look. "You might want to reconsider the tone of your voice when speaking to me," she said coolly. "Without me you wouldn't even be in Kandor yet, not for several weeks."

Master Nakova lowered his eyes, face flushed. "Yes. Of course. I-I'm sorry, Aes Sedai."

Erin let him sweat for a while, then nodded graciously, accepting his apology. She understood his frustration; he was young and impatient to be where he thought he could do something useful. That, however, didn't excuse him being rude to an Aes Sedai. Even if Erin herself didn't care too much, one simply couldn't be allowed to think they could take that tone with a sister. "Just don't let that happen aga-" She cut off at the spike of alarm across the bond. She was on her feet before she realised, facing north-west. Taim was somewhere in that direction and coming closer. Erin didn't think he was in danger, he certainly wasn't frightened, but there was a sense of urgency to his feelings.

"What is it?" Master Nakova asked. He stood up, fingering the hilt of his sword, and the two guards, who had been lounging nearby, suddenly looked alert, ready to burst into action.

"It's my Warder," Erin replied. "I think he's found something." No sooner had she said the words than Taim came within the light's reach. He was carrying something that looked like… "Oh Light…" Erin ran to him and, asking no questions, laid her hands on the still figure in his arms. A quick Delving told her that the woman was alive but badly injured. Without thinking, she wove the flows for Healing - the traditional, simpler way; she really needed to have someone teach her the new way properly, one of these days. The woman gasped and thrashed for a moment before falling still again.

"She'll live," Erin said. "Have you extra blankets, Master Nakova?" she asked, turning back to the campfire. Once she was sure that the woman was warm and as comfortable as circumstances allowed, Erin sat down again and picked up the teacup from where she'd left it. The tea had cooled and she channelled to heat it up again. "What happened?" she asked Taim. "Was she alone?"

Taim shook his head; he didn't sit, but instead kept a sharp eye on the surrounding woods. "She was the only one alive," he said. "There were two men and a child, dead. Signs of a fight, obviously, but I didn't stay to take a closer look once I realised that she still lived. I suggest we keep a watch tonight." It didn't sound like a suggestion. "I know you have your wards, Erin," he went on as if anticipating argument, "but we can't be too careful."

Erin nodded. "You're probably right."

* * *

Taim set up his own wards as soon as Erin was soundly asleep. It was not that he didn't trust Erin's expertise; he just needed to be doing something with the Power. Setting his own wards - carefully so that they didn't either set off or interfere with Erin's wards - gave him an illusion of control. A flimsy thing, but sometimes an illusion was enough for him to hold it together for another day.

Whatever had possessed him to save that woman's life? Now Erin would almost certainly insist that they spend time on burying the bodies of the woman's companions before continuing their journey in the morning. That was the decent thing to do. Not to mention that Erin would feel obligated to help the woman get where ever it was that she had been headed to. It was a waste of time. Not that they were in a hurry anywhere - well, except for Master Nakova. After a while Taim had to admit that more than the wasted time, he was bothered by his own reaction. He had acted on an instinct when he had brought the injured woman to Erin for Healing. He hadn't been aware that he _had_ such an instinct; he had thought that he'd long since grown out of those that didn't have to do with self-preservation.

It had to be Erin's influence. _Bloody woman_ , he thought, but the thought lacked any real heat. Shouldn't it be reassuring to find that he could still change? Maybe it should have. It just wasn't that simple. Even if he was capable of changing his character, he couldn't change his past and the only thing that would really change was that he'd probably end up turning himself in to the Black Tower's justice. That wasn't a prospect he particularly looked forward to. Oh, he well knew he deserved everything Logain could possibly throw at him and more, but that didn't mean he liked the idea.

The wards gave him a little warning; acting on an instinct again he grasped _saidin_ and brought up a shield of Air in time to deflect two arrows, both of which would have hit their mark otherwise. He sprang to his feet, sword in hand, yelling a warning even as he charged in the direction where the arrows had come from. His shield deflected two more arrows before he reached the archer - one of them, there must have been two at least. Taim flashed a contemptuous almost-smile at the fellow's wide-eyed stare of disbelief before ramming his sword into his chest. He grimaced as a spray of warm blood hit his face when he pulled his sword free. He hadn't thought to shield himself from that.

He looked around for the other archer, but saw no sign of movement in the darkness. Now with Erin awake, he didn't dare channel a light for himself; deflecting arrows in the dark was one thing, but making a light without a torch would be noticed. He headed back to the camp, where Master Nakova and his guards were fighting four men armed with clubs and knifes. Three more lay on the ground, dead or dying. Erin lowered another man to the ground near the wagon; the man was alive but bound with something Taim couldn't see. Of course Erin would prefer to take them alive. Taim moved to join the guards in finishing the rest of the attackers, when a sharp pain piercing his left shoulder made him stagger. He glanced to the side, expecting to see an arrow jutting out of his shoulder, but there was nothing. Belatedly he realised that what he felt was the bond carrying an echo of Erin's sensations. He whirled around just in time to see her fall - and lucky that she did because the next arrow only narrowly missed her.

Taim was moving before had time to think. "Help her, burn you!" he shouted at the strange woman they had rescued earlier; she had woken up to the noise and was cowering by the wagon wheel. And then he dashed after the archer. This time he didn't care about caution. He would _obliterate_ the bastard as soon as he could get clear line of sight to weave the flows… He channelled a weave of Fire and Air that lit the forest ahead of him - there! Shocked by the sudden flash of light, the fleeing archer stumbled, tossed his bow, scrambled to his feet again and tried to continue running, but Taim caught him with a blade of Air that neatly severed his head from his shoulders. The archer toppled like a felled tree, but Taim was running back to the camp, back to Erin before the man's lifeless body hit the forest floor.

The Aes Sedai was propped up in a half-sitting position while the strange woman and Master Nakova inspected the arrow sticking out of her shoulder. Taim could feel the pain radiating from the wound; he was surprised that she was in fact conscious. Erin opened her eyes as Taim knelt beside her. "This is one… of those times when it would be convenient… if you could Heal," she said weakly, attempting a light tone without much success.

"Can't argue that," Taim replied. And the truth was that he couldn't; his skill with Healing was nowhere near up to the task of fixing this. He turned to the others. "Can we remove that thing safely?"

The merchant shook his head. "I'm afraid not. We should reach Canluum by tomorrow evening if we push hard. There might be Aes Sedai there…" But it wasn't certain. There would be, in Chachin, because the White Tower was helping with the capital's reconstruction, but it was anyone's guess whether there would be one currently in Canluum.

Taim shook his head, trying to clamp down on his anger. "And what if there isn't? She can't wait until we reach Chachin." He looked at the arrow again, and at Erin. Her eyes were closed but she was aware of the pain at least, if not the conversation around her. Taim couldn't be sure without Delving - he could do that, but it seemed like a pointless risk when he couldn't perform the Healing anyway - but the angle of the arrow indicated that it had shattered bone.

Master Nakova had no answer to that. "I suppose we just have to hope."

 _Hope._ Taim couldn't remember what that felt like. A part of him wanted to laugh. There were no good options. He could ride to Canluum over the night and hope that there was an Aes Sedai - but what if there wasn't? What if the wound became infected and he'd have to spend time in Canluum learning the area before he could even Travel from there? He stared at Erin without really seeing her. What if he made the wrong decision, trying to save his own hide, and she died because of it? The bond almost guaranteed that he would follow soon enough.

No; once again his options weren't really options at all. _Burn it all…_ He made his choice. He lifted Erin gently into his arms - she was still hovering on the edge of unconsciousness, not really aware of anything but the pain. Her eyes flickered open as Taim picked her up, but she didn't really seem to see him. "Burn you, woman," he murmured. Then he turned to Master Nakova. "Have someone bring that bloody horse back to Tar Valon when you can," he said, nodding towards Erin's mare, Lily. "Erin Sedai is way too fond of her and will skin me alive if I lose her."

Without waiting for a reply, he wove a gateway and stepped through, with the sinking feeling that he was walking to his own funeral.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so, this chapter is a bit shorter, but we'll just have to live with that. Once again, huge thanks to everyone who's still reading, and especially those who take the time to leave a comment.

Taim stepped through the gateway into the hallway outside the apartment Damer Flinn shared with his Aes Sedai. For a moment he thought of knocking but decided against it; if he could avoid waking up anyone else than Flinn, so much the better. Assuming Corele was asleep in the first place. Erin stirred in his arms and a soft moan escaped her lips. "Mazrim?" she mumbled without opening her eyes.

"It's all right, Erin," he said quietly, trying to project confidence across the bond. He couldn't imagine he was doing a particularly good job of it when his every instinct was screaming at him to flee. "It's going to be fine." He wove another gateway just on the other side of the door and walked in - just as Flinn himself came out of the bedroom. The gateway winked shut behind him. He felt Flinn grasp _saidin_ and draw deeply, still holding nowhere near as much as Taim could.

"Taim, what-" the old Asha'man began in a flat voice.

Taim cut him off. "Flinn, please." He stepped closer; Flinn prepared a shield but, realising he couldn't possibly shield Taim while he was already holding _saidin_ , let it dissipate and just eyed the former M'Hael with open suspicion. Then his eyes seemed to take in Erin.

"Light!" Flinn rushed to help Taim lay Erin down on the thick carpet. "You haven't been gone a week and you've already managed to nearly get her killed," he muttered as he inspected the wound and the arrow.

Taim struggled to keep his voice even. "I am really not in the mood, Asha'man Flinn," he grated. "Just Heal her."

The Asha'man glanced sharply at him and opened his mouth to speak, then seemed to reconsider and grimaced. "It's not that simple. I need to remove the arrow first. That means pushing it all the way through." He wove a thin blade of Air and cut off the end of the arrow. Erin stirred again, shivering as if cold. Her lips moved as if forming words but she made no sound. Flinn looked up again. "I take it she's not masking the bond?" Taim shook his head. "If she's conscious… Well, let's just say this is going to hurt." And without further warning he got to work.

Taim nearly lost his hold on _saidin_ during the process that followed - something he couldn't afford, not now. If he let them shield him, it was over. Then the arrow was out and Flinn started the Healing.

"So… Have you been faking all this time?" the Asha'man asked. "That you didn't remember?"

"Do you think-" Taim started to answer, but he was cut off by a voice from the bedroom door.

"Damer, what is going on here?"

Corele. Taim's skin prickled as the Aes Sedai embraced _saidar_. If she linked with Flinn, together they could give Taim a hard time escaping without killing anyone. His only chance was to go now, while Flinn was still occupied with Healing Erin. Taim stood up and Travelled again.

* * *

Flinn felt the gateway opening, but couldn't let it distract him from the Healing, and by the time he looked up, Taim was gone. "Flaming idiot…" the Asha'man swore under his breath. The bond carried concern, curiosity and shock from Corele; he looked up and saw her still in the doorway, staring wide-eyed at where Taim's gateway had been. "I think we have a problem," Flinn said. "That was Taim. I mean, the old Taim." _If the new one ever was real._ The thought that Taim might have been fooling everyone all this time was surprisingly bitter. Could he really have faked ignorance through Logain's interrogation? Through getting drunk with Flinn after sword practice? No, he couldn't stop to think about that now. The man had to be found! "I think we need to…" _Androl._ Androl Genhald could follow the residue of a week-old gateway. Well, that was perhaps something of an exaggeration, but regardless. "I'm going to the Black Tower."

"…Mazrim?" Erin said faintly. She was attempting to sit up but lacked the strength. "Where did he go?"

Flinn grimaced. Erin wasn't going to take this well. "Erin Sedai, you need to take it easy for a while now," he said. "Corele, love, look after her, will you. Give her some brandy. Just a little, mind." The wry feeling across the bond told him exactly what the Aes Sedai thought of him giving her instructions on how to care for someone recently Healed, but she went to get a glass.

"Where is Mazrim?" Erin demanded again, in a somewhat stronger voice.

"He's gone." Flinn stood up and channelled to clean the drying blood off his hands. "Erin, please, it's going to be all right, I promise you." He hoped he wasn't going to turn out the world's biggest liar for that promise. "I'll be right back." He went out to the hallway before opening his gateway, so as not to interfere with the residue of Taim's gateway. He hoped that Androl would indeed be able to track it. It seemed reasonable enough an assumption, considering what the man could do with gateways. If he couldn't… well, there was still Erin, but Flinn would have rather kept Erin out of this. Taim was her Warder, but he was also one of the most dangerous men alive, even if his Forsaken status was probably void with the Dark One properly imprisoned again… If it came to a fight and Taim needed to be put down, Flinn didn't want Erin to be there. _Yes; good luck with stopping her…_

"I need to speak with Logain," he told the Dedicated standing guard by the Black Tower Travelling grounds. What _was_ he going to do about Erin? Perhaps he could have Corele sit on her until it was over. Or something more elegant involving the One Power, considering Corele was an Aes Sedai after all…

"At this hour?" the Dedicated protested. "I don't know who you are, but you can't just walk in here demanding to see Lord Logain in the middle of the night!"

Flinn, already heading towards the Palace, shot the man an impatient glare over his shoulder. "Never mind, I can find my way." The Dedicated called out after him, but apparently decided that staying at his post was more important than confronting someone who would be stopped again by the guards at the Palace, anyway. Flinn shook his head - _kids these days!_ \- and prepared to convince the pair of Dedicated at the Palace entrance to let him pass without resorting to violence. In the end he just said, "It concerns Taim." And that had quite the desired effect.

* * *

Erin sat in a chair in Corele's sitting room, wrapped in a blanket, trying desperately to think. The bond told her Taim was somewhere to the west, north-west. Her best guess would have been Saldaea, but what under the Light could he be doing there? The emotions over the bond were dimmed by the distance but she could still feel the turmoil in him. And she was afraid. _How long has he remembered? How could I have been so blind?_ She was so tired and her mind felt heavy, her thoughts sluggish. The brandy had helped a bit, but what she really needed was a good night's sleep and a proper breakfast in the morning… But she hadn't the luxury of either. Flinn had gone to the Black Tower. She was sure she had heard him say that.

"Don't worry, Erin." Corele was sitting on a stool next to her, watching her with dark eyes full of sympathy and concern. "You just rest. Damer will deal with this. You're in no shape to go chasing after him." Erin nodded numbly. She knew she wasn't… But she also couldn't let Logain reach Taim before her. The other woman seemed to take the nod as a sign of acquiescence and gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'm going to go and get dressed," she said after a moment. "I'll be right back."

Erin watched Corele vanish into the bedroom and stood up. She wasn't sure this was a good idea - in fact she was fairly sure it was a horrible idea - but she couldn't really think of many good ones. She took a deep breath and concentrated. Would she be even able to hold _saidar_? No; she had to. And she had to get it right the first time, because Corele would feel her channelling and she was certain the other Yellow wouldn't hesitate to shield her to keep her from trying anything reckless. She embraced _saidar_ … The Power came slowly, but it came. The gateway she managed wasn't tall enough for her to walk through without crouching, but it was a gateway, and it took her closer to Taim. Small victories. She heard Corele shouting as she let the gateway wink shut behind her.

She was standing - unsteadily, but standing nonetheless - on a forest clearing a bit south of the town of Kayacun in western Saldaea. She could feel Taim much clearer now; he was some distance further to the west. What _was_ there even that far west? There was nothing but the Aryth Ocean! _Oh…_ Bracing herself for the effort, she drew _saidar_ again. The new gateway was even smaller than the previous one, but she would have made do with one she'd have to crawl through if that's what it took. This time she came out on top of a tall cliff - closer to the cliff edge than she had planned, she noticed with alarm and staggered back from the edge. The awareness of Taim crashed home - he felt worse than that night in the North Harbour, much worse - and she turned to face in his direction.

And she could see him, a dark figure standing perhaps fifty paces south of her along the cliff edge, facing the moonlit ocean.

* * *

World's End was aptly named; standing on the edge of the cliff, facing the vast ocean that seemed to stretch on forever, one could really believe that the world ended there. Of course, the ocean didn't go on forever; somewhere on the other side of it was the continent of Seanchan. The thought of an endless ocean was somehow more comforting than the reality. Illusions often were. A part of Taim's mind wondered in a detached sort of way if there was a profound lesson there, within his grasp if he could just make the connection.

 _One step._ That was all he needed to do to end it. _Just step over the edge._

He recoiled at the thought. He couldn't do it. He had stood on this very cliff for hours, probably days all counted together, ten years ago when he had first learnt that he could channel. He had known then what he must do and he hadn't been able to go through with it. The world had paid a high price for his cowardice.

They would be coming for him. As soon as Erin had regained her strength enough, they would track him down using the bond and there was nothing he could do to stop them, short of making sure they didn't catch him alive. He didn't want to go through another round of Logain's interrogation. He didn't want to face Flinn's disappointment. He couldn't face the heartbreak he was inevitably going to cause Erin no matter what he did now.

And yet he couldn't take one simple, short step forward and be done with it all!

The awareness of Erin bloomed suddenly at the back of his head; she was close now. Could Flinn have alerted the Towers and organised a manhunt this quickly? How long _had_ he been standing there like an idiot? He turned to look in the direction where he could feel Erin approaching, only to find that she was alone. _Oh, Erin, you fool… Why?_

He watched impassively as she came closer, nearly stumbling several times. He could feel the leaden exhaustion dragging her down, but she didn't stop until she was right before him. Her emotions were a heady mix of fear and love and grief, anger and determination. Was it even possible to be feeling all of that at once? Her eyes reflected the moonlight as she looked up at him. The sight of her should have broken his heart, if he had one that was still capable of breaking.

"Release the bond," he said.

The colourless tone of his voice made her flinch, but she faced him down defiantly. "Make me."

He considered it; _saidin_ raged inside him, demanding release. Without the bond connecting them, Erin couldn't be used to track him down. He could… He could… _On the run. For the rest of my life._ Surely it was better than dying? _Alone._ 'Alone' was nothing new; 'alone' was something he could live with, something he knew how to deal with. _Feared, hated, hunted down like a rabid dog._ Surely he could- _Despised, reviled, alone feared hated hunted down like a rabid dog-_

Erin was still looking at him, tears in her eyes but otherwise outwardly calm, the facade belied only by the bond, still overflowing with a torrent of emotions. Had he really used to think she wasn't beautiful? He let the half-formed flows of Spirit - Compulsion - dissolve. He knew he should make Erin release the bond, if only to spare her the pain of his death, but who was he to make that decision for her? "Erin…"

He felt _saidin_ channelled nearby. With his peripheral vision he saw men and women pouring through the gateway, perhaps a dozen Asha'man in black coats and almost as many Aes Sedai. "It's over, Taim!" Logain's voice called out, amplified to carry over the wind and the roar of the waves from below. "Release the Source!"

 _You should have released the bond…_ He felt the shield slam between him and the True Source; Logain must have been leading a circle of thirteen at least, maybe more, to shield him so easily despite the amount of the Power he had been holding. He tried to take a step back, over the edge, but Erin grasped his arm, shaking her head in mute appeal. His resolve crumbled. And then his chance was gone, flows of Air caught him, pushing Erin away from him, tightening around him until he had barely room to breathe. He saw Erin round on Logain, speaking rapidly in a sharp tone, but he couldn't make out the words for the blood pounding in his ears. He should have jumped while he had the chance. He saw Flinn and Corele taking Erin by the arms and steering her away from Logain. He should have attacked before they could shield him. He couldn't get enough air. He should have gone down fighting.

He tried to stop struggling against the flows of Air binding him; the rational part of him knew it was pointless, he needed to get a grip but he couldn't form a coherent thought. Finally Logain must have had enough - something hard and blunt collided with the back of his head. He had time to be aware of the pain, and of Erin's echoing sensation-

Then, darkness.

* * *

Erin staggered against Corele as the bond carried over the sharp pain of the blow. She could hear Flinn talking to Logain in a rough voice; from what she could make out he was demanding whether that had really been necessary. If Logain answered, it was too quietly for Erin to hear. She straightened and pushed away Corele's supporting arm and started towards Taim. She wouldn't be surprised if the blow had fractured the skull. They had to let her Heal him.

Two Asha'man blocked her before she reached Taim. "I'm sorry, Aes Sedai," one of them said, an elderly man with a refined air about him. "Lord Logain's orders."

Erin looked over to where Logain and the Asha'man and Aes Sedai linked with him were watching as Androl Genhald opened a gateway back to the Black Tower. Logain seemed to be arguing with one of the Aes Sedai, a short woman who was gesturing wildly and glaring up at the stone-faced Asha'man. "What does he think I could do?" Erin asked, struggling to keep her voice steady. She felt sick and she couldn't stop shivering, not even after someone draped a cloak around her shoulders. The physical stress of the injury and the Healing and the emotional stress of the events that had followed were crashing down on her head now that the adrenaline rush was fading. "Please, just let me Heal my Warder. I can't leave him like that."

"I'm afraid you'll have to," the elderly Asha'man said, his tone perfectly polite but cool.

"Is there a problem, Emarin?" Logain's voice asked; he had left the Aes Sedai - who shot a final glare at him before following the rest of the group through the gateway - and now directed his attention on Erin.

The old Asha'man, Emarin, shook his head. "Not a problem, my Lord, unless the Aes Sedai here wishes to make one."

Erin faced Logain and nearly flinched at the look of dark rage in his eyes. This man had every reason to hate Taim with a burning passion, and he did. How was she ever going to convince him to let him live? "Lord Logain," she started. "Will you please let me-"

"Flinn," Logain barked, without taking his eyes off Erin. There was something deeply unsettling about being the object of his undivided attention. "Have you checked her?" Logain asked when Flinn came up beside Erin, Corele right behind him. Erin frowned in confusion and looked at Flinn, who shook his head in response to Logain's question. _Checked her?_ "Do it now, then."

"Do what?" Erin asked as Flinn took her head between his hands. "Check me for _what_?"

"Compulsion," Flinn replied grimly.

"Compul…" Erin stared for a moment, uncomprehending, until her mind processed what the Asha'man was saying. "No," she whispered. She was _not_ under Compulsion! She had not been reduced to a mindless, adoring pet; Taim was not Graendal! Her feelings were her own, Light burn it!

Flinn simply focused on his weaving, although something that might have been sympathy flashed briefly across his weathered face. After what felt like an eternity, however, he let go and turned back to Logain. "No Compulsion of any kind that I can detect," he said. There was certainly a note of relief in his voice; perhaps he didn't want to believe the absolute worst of Taim, either. Or perhaps - more likely - he was just worried about Erin.

Logain nodded curtly. "Very well," he said. "I trust you'll see that she gets home safely." The last bit was directed at Flinn and Corele both, who both nodded, but Logain was already striding after the rest of his Asha'man and Taim.

"Erin, come, let's get you home."

Corele's voice penetrated through the fog of exhaustion. _No_ , Erin thought, _I'm not going anywhere without him._ But forming the words was too much effort. Logain and half the group - the ones linked with him - were taking Taim towards the Palace. _They have their dungeon in the Palace itself?_ Erin wondered. Surely they weren't going to hold the trial right away. They… they _were_ going to hold a trial, right? They couldn't just execute him. Not without a trial. Who would stop them if they decided to, though? Who would care enough to bother questioning the Black Tower's authority over the man who had created and nearly destroyed it?

"Erin, we're leaving now." The voice was now tinged with impatience.

Thinking it best to not anger the bondmate and - by all evidence - lover of the one person who might side with her in the struggles to come, Erin let the other woman lead her to the Travelling grounds, and back to the White Tower. No words were exchanged during the walk up to the Yellow Ajah quarters. Erin was simply too tired and worried sick to spare the energy for conversation. Corele wished her a half-hearted goodnight as they parted at the door to her apartment, and then she was alone.

She stood for a moment in the middle of the sitting room, staring at nothing. At this distance, all she could sense of Taim was that he was alive and that he was to the south-east, in the Black Tower. Her hands shook as she took off the cloak - she still had no idea whose it was but the colour of unrelieved black suggested one of the Asha'man - and folded it neatly over the back of a chair. Sleep. She needed to sleep.

As if in a dream, she walked to the bedroom, but stopped at the door. Last time she had slept here… The remembered sensation of Taim's body against hers, solid and real, suddenly filled her heart with such fierce longing, like a punch in the gut, that for a moment she couldn't breathe. Not a week had passed, but everything had changed. Last time she had been in this room she had been hopeful, optimistic that she could work things out with Taim. She had thought, really believed, that everything would be all right, somehow. That they had all the time in the world. Now he was in all likelihood awaiting execution and she couldn't even be with him. She had to hold it together; she couldn't help him if she fell apart in hysterics. She had to keep her head cool. She was an Aes Sedai. But right now, it was all too much and she crumbled, sagging against the door frame, and slid onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. It was a long time until she was able to get up and drag herself to bed.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just blatantly refused to go the way I wanted but... I guess it's not horrible. Oh well.

Time lost its meaning in the darkness. The world was limited to the cold, rough stone floor beneath him, the equally cold and rough wall his shoulder was uncomfortably pressed against, the damp underground air that smelled of earth and mould and worse things, the occasional metallic clang when the shutter that covered the tiny window in the cell door was pulled aside and back again, the faint echoes of human voices that sometimes echoed through when the shutter was opened.

Taim had no idea how long he had been drifting in and out of consciousness. His head still hurt, which meant he hadn't been Healed, which might mean that it hadn't been very long, because surely they would either just kill him or do something to keep him alive. Or had they perhaps hoped that he would do the decent thing and die if left untreated, sparing them the trouble of holding a proper trial? No, now he was just being ridiculous; Logain wouldn't pass up on the chance to show the whole world that Mazrim Taim was finally getting punished for all his evil. Which supported the conclusion that it couldn't have been very long even if it felt like weeks.

He tried to edge away from the wall; the muscles in his neck and left shoulder were stiff from lying in such an awkward position for Light alone knew how long, and moving hurt like fire. The movement also sent fresh waves of pain through his skull and the rest of his body took the effort as a reminder that the cold floor was, well, cold and soon he was shivering violently. Groaning, he rolled over to his side and drew his knees up to his chest, distinctly glad that Erin wasn't there to witness this state of degradation. He wished he didn't have to be, either; he wished he could just drift away again instead of being awake and aware of the pain and the cold and the humiliation.

In addition to all of that, he gradually became aware of other things. He could feel Erin, somewhere to the north, presumably in Tar Valon. At first he was surprised that she wasn't masking the bond, but then he realised that she wouldn't be feeling much of his physical state at that distance, just as he only felt a faint impression of anxiety from her, and that she probably wanted to know what was going on with him. Grudgingly he could admit, if only to himself, that he appreciated the presence of that knot of emotions at the back of his mind, even as faint as it was. It was… reassuring. Perhaps it meant that she wasn't going to give up on him, even now. Surely, if she was going to release the bond and leave him to the Black Tower's justice, she would have done so already. No, she was going to fight for him - very likely was doing so that very moment - and that was all kinds of wrong and messed up but if she got him out of this cell he might actually kiss her.

The other thing he realised after a while was that he wasn't shielded. The initial confusion of the discovery faded as soon as he tried to reach for the True Source and couldn't. Forkroot. Of course. They probably didn't have enough Aes Sedai resident in the Black Tower to field a circle sufficient to hold him shielded day and night. And the effect was probably beginning to fade seeing as he was awake and alert and…

As if summoned by that thought, there was suddenly the sound of voices speaking outside the cell. Taim couldn't make out the words or who was speaking, but after a short exchange he could hear a key turning in the lock and then the door opened. Light flooded the cell and Taim squeezed his eyes shut against the brightness.

"He's alive all right," a voice he didn't know said somewhere above him.

"We'd know if he had died," another voice said, this one vaguely familiar. "We'd have that crazy bitch making a scene…"

The first speaker snorted. "Just don't let Logain hear you call her that." His voice was now closer, and then a boot nudged Taim's arm none too gently. "You awake?" Taim forced his eyes open, squinting against the light, to see the speaker crouched over him. "Good," the man said curtly. "I'm under instructions to Heal you, and then you're going to have some more of that lovely forkroot tea. And you're not going to make any trouble. Am I making myself clear?"

Taim managed a thin almost-smile. "Crystal," he said, or tried to, but the Asha'man seemed to get the meaning. Then he gasped as the cold shock of Healing washed over him. He sat up and immediately a cup was thrust into his hands and he had no choice but to drink. The tea was lukewarm and had the minty taste of forkroot, and it was strong enough that he found himself fighting the resulting drowsiness almost before he had finished the cup. The two Asha'man stayed long enough to make sure that the drink was taking effect; Taim faced their flat stares with as much dignity as he could muster, which was not a trivial feat huddled on the filthy dungeon floor. It didn't take long for the full effect of the forkroot to kick in, and the last thing he heard as the darkness claimed him again was the vaguely familiar-sounding Asha'man saying, "Out like a candle." He no longer heard the answering laugh from the other Asha'man.

* * *

"I want to see him." Erin faced the leader of the Black Tower steadily, her voice calm even though she felt anything but. "I understand very well my position, Lord Logain. I have no authority here, and neither do my superiors. We cannot make you hand Taim over to us. And believe me when I say that the Amyrlin Seat wouldn't want him even if you offered. As far as she is concerned, you're welcome to keep him. But I want to see my Warder. What do I have to say, what do you want me to do to convince you to let me?"

Logain Ablar leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. He didn't look like he had slept any better than Erin, but the look in his brown eyes was sharp. "He has not been interrogated yet-"

"I am aware," Erin cut in. "If you fear that I have a story for him to tell you, and that he could convincingly stick to a lie through your… interrogation… we can make the visit supervised. I have no secrets here."

Logain stared at her for a long time, then sighed irritably. "Very well, Erin Sedai." He set aside the documents he had been going through when Erin had arrived, and stood up. "I will accompany you myself."

Erin tilted her head and looked up at the Asha'man now towering over her. "Is it me you don't trust, or your men?" she asked, instantly regretting her words as Logain's expression turned to stone. "I apologise. I should not have said that."

Logain grimaced slightly. For a moment he seemed as if he might actually answer the original question, but then he gave a small shake of his head and simply said, "Apology accepted. Now, if you will follow me…"

Erin followed him deep underground, through dimly lit corridors of rough stone. The silence felt heavy, as if the sheer mass of stone and earth above them dampened all sound. The air smelled of damp earth and mould. The Black Tower's dungeons were decidedly more unpleasant than the White Tower's. This should not have come as a surprise, she reflected, suppressing a shudder at the thought of being locked down here. And then she thought of Taim, who was actually locked down here. She tried to get a sense of him through the bond, but it just felt fuzzy, as if he wasn't fully aware. That worried her; she knew he had been Healed earlier in the morning, but this wasn't… normal.

A single Asha'man stood guard at the door of the single occupied cell. That was surprising; Erin would have expected there to be a circle shielding Taim. Unless, of course, they had made sure that he couldn't channel by some other means. She shot Logain a questioning look, and the Asha'man seemed to understand her meaning since he answered, "We have him dosed on forkroot."

 _Of course._ That probably explained the not-quite-awake feeling, too. Erin nodded graciously as Logain produced a key and opened the door to the cell and stepped aside to let her pass. Erin entered the cell. The interior was as dark and forbidding as the corridor outside and even darker, with no source of light other than what filtered through the doorway - and that wasn't much with Logain's large frame blocking it. When the door was closed, the cell would be completely dark. _Very_ decidedly unpleasant. Erin wished she didn't know that the dungeons had most likely been built during Taim's reign. No matter. She had always known that he had used to be an unpleasant person. Doing her best to put on an unaffected facade, she turned to face Logain. "May I channel a light?" she asked.

"You will not channel while down here," Logain said flatly. "I will give you light if you wish."

Erin nodded; she had expected the response. A small globe of faintly bluish light came into existence and hovered in the centre of the small room. "Thank you," Erin said. She turned again to the figure lying on the floor and, shutting the audience out of her mind, knelt beside her Warder and took his hand. It was cold as ice. "Mazrim?"

He flinched when she touched him, and then his eyes flicked open. It took a moment for him to focus his gaze, and the bond carried a mix of confusion and helpless frustration. "I take it I'm not dreaming," he said eventually, slurring slightly, as if drunk.

Erin shook her head. "I should hope I could manage a more impressive entrance if this was a dream," she said, attempting a light tone. She thought she failed miserably, but the bond carried a faint spike of amusement and something like appreciation. Erin stroked the back of his hand gently. "You're freezing… You should have designed this place somewhat more comfortable."

"Trust me, I would have, had I expected to end up on the wrong side of the locked doors," he muttered dryly. "Not that there was much _design_ involved…"

Silence followed the exchange. Erin didn't know what to say. She wanted to assure him that everything would be alright, but she was far from sure it would have been truthful in the least. And besides, she was fairly sure that he wouldn't have appreciated the sentiment. He felt increasingly alert, and as his mind cleared, the familiar walls and defences slammed into place. He sat up and shot a glance behind Erin - where Logain was still standing in the doorway, watching - and the look in his eyes turned cold.

"They haven't told me what they're planning to do with you," Erin said, mostly just to break the silence.

"Not too difficult to imagine, I should think," Taim replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Frankly, I'm surprised I'm still alive. Although I guess I shouldn't be. Logain here believes in doing these things out in the open - don't you, Logain? A proper trial to condemn the traitor and show the world that the Black Tower does the right thing."

Erin sniffed. "Oh, quit baiting him. He already knows you're an insufferable jerk, you don't need to prove anything on that front." She could practically feel Logain's glare and quickly continued, "Besides, I can't see the problem with wanting to do things the proper way. And considering it gives me time to work on saving your sorry hide, perhaps you shouldn't, either."

Anger and indignation flared across the bond, and Erin could see him swallow a biting remark. "You don't actually think you can, do you?" he asked after a while.

"I know it's not looking particularly great, but I'm not going to give up," she replied.

The familiar almost-smile made a fleeting appearance. "An Aes Sedai answer if I ever heard one."

"Time's up," Logain said suddenly. "I have other things to do today. Erin Sedai, I must ask you to leave now."

Erin stood up but made no move to leave the cell. "How long were you planning to keep him here like this?" she asked, doing her best to keep her voice free of accusation. She would gain nothing by driving Logain into defencive. She had to show that she could be reasonable. That was the only way she could hope to gain enough credibility in this man's eyes to have any hope of helping Taim.

"As long as necessary," Logain replied, both his cool voice and flat expression suggesting that he was not going to discuss the matter further. Erin said nothing, just looked expectantly up at him. He frowned, glanced past Erin at Taim - who for a miracle had the grace to remain silent for once - and added, "I'll have someone bring him a blanket. Which is more than he bloody deserves…"

Erin gave no sign of having heard the last bit - it didn't sound like Logain had meant it to be heard - and instead just nodded graciously. "That will be greatly appreciated." The bond flooded with dark amusement, but Erin sent him what she hoped came across as the mental equivalent of a warning glare. She turned back to Taim, who was sitting with his back against the wall, looking up at her with that almost-smile on his lips. "You know I don't like leaving you here, but for now…" She trailed off helplessly. "I'll be back."

Taim gave a half-shrug. "No rush. I'm not going anywhere."

Erin smiled, and only Taim knew - courtesy of the bond - how much she really felt like crying as she followed Logain out and watched the Asha'man lock the door again. The leader of the Black Tower spoke not a word on the way back to the Palace proper, and had Erin been feeling optimistic, she might have dared call the silence _thoughtful_. If she could just make Logain see Taim as a human rather than a symbol, a personification of all the evil that had been done in the Black Tower during its short history…

"It might be best if you returned to Tar Valon," Logain said when they were back in his study again. "I'm afraid some of my men don't understand why you're not locked up along with him."

"So it is them you don't trust, not me."

Logain shot her an irritable look, then sighed. "What you don't seem to understand is that there were men who didn't know what was going on even near the very end. Men not powerful enough for Taim to bother converting them while more useful individuals still remained. Men who weren't a threat like my followers were. Men who simply obeyed orders, even when those orders were seriously messed up, because Taim was the M'Hael and appointed in that position by the Lord Dragon himself. Except that the Lord Dragon never approved of that title, as far as I'm aware, but nobody could have known that because _the bloody man was never there_." He drew a deep breath and shook his head, then went on in a more calm tone, "These men hate Taim almost more than those who were with me from the start. Because they were deceived and used and cast aside like so much trash."

He seemed to consider his following words carefully. "Taim's presence here… is a serious threat to everything I've - we have - worked to build ever since the war. The Black Tower is unified, with solid leadership - and I'm not talking about only myself," he added with a mildly self-deprecating grimace. "Androl, Emarin, many of the Two Rivers lads, they're all working their asses off to create an atmosphere where there are no 'Logain's men' and 'those dimwits who followed Taim without knowing' and 'the new guys who never knew Taim'. I am so sick and tired of the Asha'man being defined by their relation to Taim..! And now he's here, he's back for real and you want me to spare his life." There was pain in his eyes even though his voice was steady. "Have you _any idea_ what you're asking?"

Erin hadn't expected such honesty and truth be told she was slightly taken aback by the intensity of Logain's words. She kept her expression smooth, however, and shook her head. "I suspect I don't," she said. "After all, I wasn't here during his reign. But I am asking regardless."

Logain studied her for a moment longer, then turned his attention to the stack of papers on the desk before him. "I'll send word when the time comes for the trial," he said. "Now, do you wish someone to escort you to the Travelling grounds, or..?"

A dismissal couldn't get much clearer than that. "That will not be necessary," Erin said. "Thank you." She turned and walked out of the door.

* * *

Logain stared at the papers before him for a while longer without seeing a word. Seeing Erin Sedai with Taim had made him want to check the Aes Sedai for Compulsion again, but he trusted Flinn's assessment. It was absurd. Taim wasn't usually such a subtle master of manipulation. Oh, he had manipulated people all right, but his method had been to appeal to their greed and insecurities, offering them a chance at power - or at least a position to bully others - and a place in the new world under the Dark One's rule. Taim had known exactly how to play people's negative emotions, their dark sides. But what he had done with Erin… What _had_ he done with Erin?

He stood up with enough force to send the chair clanging against the wall behind him. "Eivind!" he called, and a Dedicated appeared, saluting. "Go tell Emarin to take care of the Malkier deal," he said. "And send Androl downstairs."

The Dedicated saluted again. "Yes, sir!"

Logain headed back to the dungeons.

Taim looked up when the door opened, squinting at the light. Recognising the newcomer as Logain, this time without Erin, the former M'Hael's expression turned wary. But only for a moment. As he stood up to face Logain, nothing in his stance or expression indicated that he wasn't in charge of the situation; indeed, Taim almost managed to appear as if he was in his study and awaiting Logain's report. The dirt - and was that dried blood? - on his face, the dishevelled state of his hair or the dust staining his fine coat did little to ruin the impression. "So," he said. "I take it you're not here to let me out. Which begs the question… To what do I owe this honour?"

"How long have you remembered?" Logain asked, more harshly than he intended. "Or were you pretending all along?"

Taim arched an eyebrow. "Do you think I was?" he asked, for all the world sounding like the question was merely of academic interest. "I'm not sure whether to be flattered that you think me such a good actor, or insulted that you believe me stupid enough to get myself into this - bonded to an Aes Sedai in the first place - if I had my memories all along…"

Logain believed him; he was more than a little confused as to why Taim had continued to play the Warder part after his memory returned. It couldn't have been too difficult to make Erin release the bond and then vanish off the face of the Earth. That he hadn't done so had spared Logain from having to field a massive manhunt - he couldn't exactly have allowed Taim to walk free - but that didn't mean it made the least sense. "How long, then?"

The other man gave a sardonic half-shrug. "Does it matter?" he countered, but evidently he saw something in Logain's expression that convinced him that his successor meant business, for he continued quickly, "I'm not sure. Time has been…" The slightest grimace twisted the corners of his mouth. "It was shortly after that incident with a recruit in the White Tower channelling. Flinn brought him here; if you keep good records of new Soldiers, you'll find the exact date. For whatever it's worth."

Logain could remember the incident, and that it had been a while ago already. "But why did you stay?" Logain demanded, unable to keep the frustration from his voice. "Why would you..?"

The fleeting almost-smile seemed half-hearted at best. "Really, now, Logain," Taim said, taking a step closer. "You're quite right; I could have made Erin release me, and I could have fled. To what end? There aren't many places in the world where you wouldn't hunt me down, and those places are not anywhere I want to be. I could probably hide for a very long time, I have some experience in that, but…" He shook his head tiredly - an actual crack in the facade or a calculated show? Logain couldn't tell. "But what would be the point?" For a moment he looked like he was going to continue, but then he just flashed another half-smile and repeated, "What's the point?"

Logain had no answer to that. He was beginning to have a feeling that he was dealing with a very different Taim than either the amnesiac version or the one who had created an army of Dreadlords for the Dark One. The realisation wasn't a comfortable one, not in the least. "Why couldn't you just stay dead?" He hadn't meant to say that out loud, but the words were out before he could stop them.

"I ask the same every single day."

They stared at each other - old rivals, mortal enemies, once upon a time not so long ago two of the most feared men in the world until a third one had risen to overshadow them both - and something passed between them, something like understanding. Taim was the first to break eye contact. "Well," he said, all careless condescension again, "that will be easy to remedy, once you get around to holding that trial… Why is it taking so long, anyway? It's not like any judge could possibly find me anything but guilty."

Logain frowned. "Erin Sedai still holds your bond," he replied.

"She does indeed." Taim tilted his head, as if considering something. "What I wonder is why you're letting her… _If_ that is your main obstacle." He advanced another step - Logain unconsciously backed against the door - and arched an eyebrow. "Oh well. You'll get to it eventually, I suppose. And in the meanwhile I'll just rot here. Sounds… absolutely fabulous." His voice was practically dripping with sarcasm but lacking the fire Logain remembered.

The door opened behind Logain and he nearly jumped before he remembered that he had sent for Androl. Pevara was with the Asha'man, holding a tray with a cup of tea - forkroot - and a few chunks of bread and cheese. Logain blinked. Pevara frowned at her bondmate, but when she spoke her words were directed at Logain. "We intercepted the Soldier who was bringing these." She nodded sideways at Androl, and only now Logain noticed that the Asha'man was holding a blanket.

"Yes, thank you," Logain said. "I promised Erin Sedai," he added when Androl raised his eyebrows at the blanket.

"You didn't summon me just to bring these, I hope," Androl commented wryly.

"No, of course not," Logain replied; he had wanted Androl there was backup for the interrogation. Not because he feared Taim might do something - dosed on forkroot as he was the man couldn't channel half as much as Androl, currently - but rather to keep a check on Logain himself. He had feared he might give in to rage again if left alone with Taim. But the events had taken another turn. "Change of plans. I apologise, Androl, I know you're as busy as anyone here."

The Asha'man looked at him, then glanced at Pevara, and again Logain got the impression that the two were communicating on a level that only the two could understand. "Very well, Logain. If you're done here, the Malkieri are still here, or were five minutes ago and they insist on seeing you."

Logain sighed. "I'll come."

* * *

They left the tray, the blanket and a small globe of light that would dissipate on its own in an hour or so. Taim supposed it was better than trying to eat in complete darkness - or attempting to channel a light for himself and either failing miserably or succeeding and having the Asha'man on guard outside storm in and shield him or worse. The bread was surprisingly fresh and the forkroot tea actually had honey in it. He wondered idly if that had been intentional or if whoever had made the tea had just reflexively added the honey. The tea itself wasn't quite as strong this time; it merely made his limbs feel heavy and his thoughts sluggish instead of putting him to sleep. Pity. He would have welcomed an escape from the boredom.

He wrapped the blanket around himself and sat with his back against the wall. He was still sitting there, staring at nothing, when the light flickered and eventually faded, an hour later.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Not much more to say at this point than... one more chapter left. This is actually going to be finished. o_o Go me.

Taim lost track of days. He tried counting them, but it was impossible when there was no regularity; one day could go by in a drugged haze, more slept away than awake, and the next would just drag on forever without even a visit from Logain to alleviate the boredom. Erin visited the Black Tower several times, but apparently she wasn't allowed into the dungeons again. Taim could feel her frustration and how she was trying to hold on to determination, and her disappointment when she left before the distance blurred the bond again. For whatever reason, Logain had taken to visiting the dungeons after Erin's visits and while Taim couldn't understand what the other man wanted - he didn't seem to ask anything particularly relevant and never inflicted any kind of punishment - any distraction was welcome.

When he first realised that Erin wasn't being allowed to see him, Taim had confronted Logain about it. "Do _you_ want to see _her_?" the Asha'man had asked in turn.

The question had made Taim wary; he could see, hear, almost _smell_ a hidden purpose behind the question, but couldn't figure out how the answer might be in any way relevant to Logain. He shrugged. "She wants to see me. I would welcome almost any visitor at this point. What do you fear I might do to her?"

Logain had nodded, as if the answer had reaffirmed something to him. And if he had also seemed a bit disappointed, or perhaps confused, well, that had most likely been nothing but Taim's imagination being overactive from the boredom of his captivity. He hadn't deigned to acknowledge Taim's question.

Another time - again after denying Erin a visit - Logain asked what Taim would do if he was free, truly free from further prosecution by either of the Towers, free from the bond to Erin. The question threw Taim off balance; he hadn't really thought about being free of Erin. He looked at Logain, hoping for some hint of what intent lay behind the absurd question. Surely it wasn't, once again, relevant in any way; even if Erin was going to release the bond out of her own choice, the Black Tower wouldn't let him go. Quite the contrary, it would give them leave to do whatever they wished with him. But Logain's expression was unreadable. Taim made a half-shrug. "I suppose world domination is off the table."

Anger flashed in Logain's brown eyes and his jaw clenched briefly. "Can't you be serious for once?" he growled.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Taim snapped. But not wanting to anger Logain more than necessary - not at such an early stage of the conversation at least, lest he storm out in rage and leave Taim to the boredom of his solitary confinement again - he clamped down on his frustration and went on, "I don't know. I can't exactly hope to gain any position in the Black Tower again. I doubt any respectable ruler would want me as an adviser. I could pick up a trade…" He trailed off, remembering a distant conversation with Erin back when they had just met, before they had found out who he was. That time seemed like another life entirely, now. He shook his head. "What do you want to hear? That I'm not good for anything useful anymore? There, I said it." He stood arms crossed, staring Logain down calmly, as if he hadn't just admitted out loud one of his greatest fears, being irrelevant. Some other time, in some other life where he still had the energy to care, he might have considered that an achievement.

Logain's face, as he stared back, might as well have been carved from stone. "So am I to understand that even staying a Warder would be preferable over being 'useless'?"

And so it all came back to Erin once again. Whatever Logain was after with this whole farce, Taim wished he'd just come out and be clear about it. "Perhaps," he replied, making his voice conversationally casual. "I really don't see how that's relevant, however. We both know you're not going to let me walk away." He closed the distance between them - Logain raised a hand as if to fend off a potential attack and seized _saidin_ , the immensity of his power making the small cell feel crowded - and continued, "You want me dead, Logain, and nobody can say you'd be wrong to kill me right here and now. So why am I still alive? Why? _Burn you, why?!_ "

Logain simply regarded him with a closed expression. It suddenly occurred to Taim that the situation was very familiar, only in reverse - he had been the one in charge and Logain had been railing against whatever injustice or outright crime he had committed, back in the early days before Logain had established his resistance faction, before Moridin had begun to demand more results faster… Logain had never bothered keeping his voice down and Taim had taken to warding his study against eavesdropping to keep the guards outside from hearing and spreading the tale that Logain bloody Ablar could get away with raising his voice at the M'Hael. Only after a careless comment from Mishraile had he ever realised that the warding in itself had sparked rumours of another kind entirely - Mishraile was one who had never known when to keep his mouth shut - and those rumours had been remarkably difficult to kill. He wondered if the rumours had ever reached Logain.

"You find this amusing?" Logain asked, frowning.

 _Don't you?_ Taim wanted to ask, but instead he just shook his head and muttered, "Not in the least." He felt suddenly very tired. "What happened to Mishraile, by the way?" he asked, more just to direct the conversation elsewhere than out of actual interest. "I saw him here, didn't I? Back when I didn't have my memory, I mean. Around the Marle episode."

Logain was still frowning at him, but answered anyway. "An Aes Sedai came to his defence at the trial, confirming his story that he was fighting against the other Dreadlords in the end. She agreed to bond him, and he was also bound by an Oath Rod to specific terms…"

"A binding rod," Taim put in.

"What?"

"They're called binding rods," Taim explained. Forming the words required an unusual amount of effort for some reason. "Or that's what Moridin called them at least." On the second thought, talking about one of the Forsaken like they were on first name basis probably wasn't the best way to convince Logain to ever let him out of the cell. No, if he wasn't careful, Logain might even figure out that the cell was worse than death and keep him there forever. Why was the globe of light changing colour? Wasn't that kind of a random thing to be doing… Except that Logain wasn't channelling? Taim rubbed at his temples - or tried to, but his arms felt leaden and lifting his hands proved impossible. Something was wrong with his perspective; the walls stood at odd angles…

He didn't realise he was reeling until Logain grasped him by the arms to steady him. With Logain's help he managed to sit down with marginally more dignity than just collapsing. He could hear Logain speaking in a raised voice but the sound blurred in his ears. After a moment he realised that it wasn't him Logain had been talking to, anyway. He rested his head on his knees as the world slowly - at least it felt slow - shifted back into focus. Someone was speaking, someone who wasn't Logain.

Logain responded with a frustrated growl. "Some of you flaming sons of goats shouldn't be allowed off your mothers' apron strings! At least go fetch some water, man, and be quick about it!"

"You mean tea?" the other voice asked. "It's almost time for…"

"I said water and I bloody mean water," Logain snapped, followed by a hasty "Yes sir!" and the sound of footsteps retreating at a run. A hand squeezed Taim's shoulder gently. "You with me?"

Taim raised his head to see Logain crouched before him. "Right here," Taim replied dryly.

The brief flash of relief on the other man's face quickly turned to irritation. "Why didn't you _say_ anything?" he demanded. "I couldn't get a clear answer out of Gaduin yet but unless I miss my guess nobody's brought you food since, oh, the day before yesterday?"

Taim shrugged. "Was I supposed to know it wasn't intentional?" he asked. In truth, he hadn't even noticed; keeping track of time was increasingly difficult.

Logain shot him an annoyed glare. "I don't starve my prisoners," he growled.

Taim almost made a wry remark - _not_ intentionally _, you mean_ \- but something stopped him. Instead, what came out was, "I don't know what you're planning to do with me but I wish you'd just be done with it."

Logain actually looked somewhat taken aback - whether by the abrupt change of subject or the subject matter, Taim couldn't tell - but before he had the chance to say anything, the sound of footsteps echoing in the corridor outside announced that they were getting company. More than just the one Asha'man Logain had sent off, judging by the sound of it. Taim grimaced. He considered getting up - he was feeling steady enough - but decided against it; what was one more humiliation at this point? Not bloody much.

And then the awareness of Erin bloomed at the back of his mind. He turned his head a fraction, to face towards where the Travelling grounds must be. "Just in case it is of any interest, Logain," he said, "Erin is in the Black Tower. If you don't want her here, you'd better go intercept her."

Muttering an oath under his breath, Logain straightened and stormed out.

* * *

Erin glanced again at the woman walking on her left; the Cairhienin was even shorter than Erin herself, but looked ten times more like an Aes Sedai than Erin on a good day despite having worn the shawl for half the time. Delaine Taborwin was of the White Ajah, which made her pristine white dress a perfectly normal everyday garment rather than a sign of mourning. Even the _kesiera_ on her forehead was a white stone in a thin silver chain. The young man trailing after her made a dramatic contrast to Delaine's looks - Atal Mishraile was tall, with golden hair and bright blue eyes, and in the black Asha'man uniform he seemed Delaine's opposite in every sense. Except one; both wore a cool, forbidding expression as the trio approached the building once called Taim's Palace.

Erin wasn't sure how she felt about Delaine's presence. Flinn had talked to the White sister on Erin's behalf - without her knowledge even - and apparently the old Asha'man had convinced her to help. Or, as she had put it, to assess the situation and consider it. At least her presence would inevitably serve to remind Logain that there was a precedent - Mishraile was a former Dreadlord who had switched sides during the battle and apparently saved Delaine's life doing so. However, Mishraile's past association with Taim was also why Erin was uneasy about this whole deal. The young man couldn't possibly like Taim, and it remained to be seen whether he and Delaine would end up doing more damage than good to Erin's cause.

Before they reached the Palace, Logain came out to meet them. "Erin Sedai," he he greeted Erin with a curt nod, then frowned at Mishraile before extending his greeting to Delaine. "Delaine Sedai. What… brings you both here?"

Erin forced a smile. "I am here to see my Warder. Again. Hoping that you might this time be kind enough to allow me." Logain's expression was everything but kind; the Asha'man stared flatly at Erin, and so she went on. "Delaine agreed to accompany me."

"We are also _hoping_ ," Delaine put in, "that you might tell us why it is taking so long to set up the trial. Surely it cannot be for lack of evidence against Taim?"

"No, of course not," Logain began, then seemed to realise that they were talking about a subject that probably shouldn't be talked about in the middle of the street where anyone could listen in. He shot another annoyed look at Mishraile - as if the whole episode was his fault somehow - then gestured for the trio to follow. "Very well then."

He led them not to his study but the cosy sitting room Erin had seen once before. Logain took a seat and indicated for his guests to do the same; Erin and Delaine did, while Mishraile remained standing near the door. The young man seemed to have really taken to his role as a Warder. A Dedicated came in and served wine and was dismissed again. Then Logain spoke. "I apologise for making you wait so long, Erin Sedai. For the trial," he added when Erin gave him a puzzled look. "I assure you," he went on, "that the delay has not been simply because of my indecision. I needed to be certain of some things."

"Are you, then?" Erin asked. She wanted to ask what those things were but doubted that Logain would feel inclined to explain.

The Asha'man shook his head with a slight grimace. "I cannot say that I am," he admitted. "But I doubt that nothing short of several years would satisfy me on the matter, and - oh, fret not, Aes Sedai, I wouldn't want Taim rotting in my dungeon for years… Light, no." A brief flash of amusement showed on his face, tugging at the corners of his mouth, before he frowned again in a distracted fashion. After a moment he sighed. "You'll have your trial, Light help me. Two days from now. Will that be acceptable?"

Erin kept her expression and voice calm even though her heart was trying to hammer its way out of her chest. "Perfectly acceptable," she replied. _Two days._ Then, for better or worse, Taim's fate would be decided. _He is not a monster_ , she thought fervently. _He has changed. Logain must see that._ She wasn't sure she convinced herself on the last point. "May I see him now?" she asked. "Please, Lord Logain. Will you reduce me to begging?" She felt Delaine's disapproving stare, but kept her attention steadily on Logain.

The leader of the Black Tower sighed. "You Aes Sedai turn prideful humility into a form of art," he said wryly. "Very well." He stood up and floated his glass back to the table. "Come with me, then."

Erin stood up as well, making no comment as Delaine followed suit. She couldn't very well tell the White sister to stay behind and wait, and it might even be useful if Delaine saw that Taim was just a man, not the Dark One in flesh. He had a _reputation_ \- obviously - and it was not making things easier. But she pointedly ignored Delaine, speaking to Logain instead. "I expected I would have to fight for this visit."

The Asha'man glanced down at her with a faintly bemused expression. "I've been surprised that you haven't been fighting harder before now," he replied. "You've almost seemed content to leave him there."

"Never." The word came out more sharply than Erin intended, but she made no effort to smooth over the slip. When she continued, however, she was in full control of her voice again. "I am merely a realist," she said.

Logain barked a laugh; it sounded startlingly loud in the empty hallway. The Asha'man shook his head, ignoring the near identical curious frowns from Delaine and her young Warder. "I guess you must believe that to be able to say it, but… Light, woman, a realist who just so happens to think she can reform one of the-" He cut off, changing his mind about whatever he had been about to say. "…One of the most dangerous men of our generation," he finished, as if the abrupt pause had never happened.

"If you insist on putting it that way…" Erin said with a delicate little shrug. "He _has_ changed; even you must see that. But I imagine it has less to do with me and rather more with the fact that he's seen that second chances exist. I don't think he would have believed it if someone had told him before the Last Battle that he could change. That he still had the choice."

Logain snorted. "The real question is, would he have cared either way? He was right where he wanted to be-"

"Do you really believe that?" Erin asked.

Logain frowned down at her. "Why shouldn't I?" he countered. "I could buy someone getting caught up in shady business and ending up swearing to the Shadow to save their hide, but Taim advanced right through their ranks to be named one of the flaming Forsaken. That's not something you do by accident. That requires some motivation. Dedication. Real effort… I know far more than I'd care to, about that last part, in case you've forgotten."

Erin shook her head. "I've forgotten nothing," she said calmly. "And you make a valid point. I'd be happy to discuss it with you at length at some other time. However…" She spread her hands in a self-deprecating gesture. "I don't claim to know everything there is to know about how the human mind and motivations work, but I figure it's safe enough to say that happy people don't become Forsaken."

And before Logain had the chance to formulate a response, they came to the bottom of the flight of stairs and turned a corner and came to the corridor along which Taim's cell was. The Asha'man standing guard - Dedicated to be more precise, judging by the lack of the Dragon pin on his collar - was leaning on the wall, looking bored, but straightened with alacrity when he noticed the group approaching. His eyes widened in surprise as he identified Logain's companions - two Aes Sedai, no less - but he only spared them a fleeting glance before saluting. Logain nodded at him but paid him no further mind, just got a key from his pocket and opened the door.

Suddenly anxious, Erin had to consciously refrain from gripping her skirts as she waited for Logain to step aside. She made her hands stay still and her face a mask of calm. Was it her imagination or was Taim actually eager to see her, too? She couldn't tell for sure. Her own feelings were running wild and she didn't dare trust her perception in interpreting what the bond carried over from Taim right now. She entered the cell.

It wasn't completely dark this time; a dim globe of bluish light hovered near the ceiling at the centre of the cell. Taim was standing a bit to the right, wearing a wary expression. A week's growth of beard shadowed his jaw and his dirty hair hung lankly to his shoulders, but his eyes were sharp and alert and when he saw Erin, some of the wariness seemed to melt away. The familiar almost-smile twitched the corners of his mouth. "Erin Sedai…" he began, but was cut short as Erin closed the distance between them and flung her arms around him. For a second he stiffened and the bond transmitted something akin to a fight-or-flight reaction, but then he relaxed and the feeling across the bond turned bemused. "…I was going to say you probably don't want to touch me until I've had a bath, but…" Then he tensed again and something not quite hostile flooded the bond. "What is he doing here?" he asked flatly.

Erin glanced over her shoulder to see Delaine and Mishraile crowding the doorway. She suppressed an annoyed sigh; they just couldn't give her a moment before barging in..? No, of course not. "Mazrim, meet Delaine Taborwin of the White Ajah. I take it you know her Warder," she said in a resigned tone. With great reluctance she let go of Taim and turned to face her companions again. "Delaine - my Warder, Mazrim Taim."

The slightest frown marred the White sister's delicate face but her expression was otherwise unreadable, which didn't necessarily mean anything; she was both Cairhienin and an Aes Sedai of the White Ajah, doubly conditioned to keeping her feelings in check. Her Warder, however, was not nearly so proficient; disbelief warred with something that Erin couldn't quite define on his beautiful face and he looked like he was trying to decide whether to say something.

The bond carried amusement again, but this time with a dark undercurrent. "Best if you don't," Taim said dryly. Mishraile's expression darkened, but Delaine laid a soothing hand on his arm and the youth grimaced but held his peace. Taim ignored the wordless exchange. "I would invite you to sit, but as you can see…" He made a careless gesture at the cell's interior. Then he crossed his arms across his chest and his voice took on a sharp edge. "So. To what do I owe this honour?" He made no effort to rein in the sarcasm. "Erin has a reason to be here. I can't say the same for either of you two."

Mishraile looked like he wanted to agree with Taim, but Delaine's face still gave away nothing. "I apologise for intruding, master Taim," she said in a cool but perfectly civil voice. "I admit to some curiosity. I wanted to see what Erin's Forsaken is like." Erin mentally cringed at that, but Delaine went on oblivious to the effects of her word choice, "Many of our sisters do. You're lucky there aren't twenty of us here."

Taim shook his head. "No, Aes Sedai; you're lucky you didn't attempt to bring twenty Aes Sedai to the Black Tower at this time." Something that on another man might have been a ghost of a smirk flashed across his face. "If I know Logain at all - and I should like to think I do - the White Tower taking an overtly active interest in the matter of yours truly would not be well received."

"Be that as it may," Erin interjected before Logain could rise to the bait, "Delaine, now you've seen him - would you mind giving me a moment alone with my Warder?"

Delaine didn't look impressed - not that she ever did that Erin had seen - but nodded. "Very well. Lord Logain, will you join us?" She steered her Warder out of the door before her and looked expectantly at Logain, who fixed Erin with a stare. Delaine made an impatient sound. "Erin will behave. And she'll be with us shortly. Won't you, Erin?"

Erin nodded mutely and watched as Delaine took Logain by the arm and vanished out of sight. She was finally alone with Taim. She could feel his irritation and tired frustration over the bond, and how hard he was trying to hide the feelings. "I'm sorry," she said. "About bringing them. Flinn thought it was a good idea and he talked to Delaine, and…"

He raised a hand to silence her. "It's fine."

She shook her head. "No, it's not. It may be _necessary_ , to change people's opinions about you, but it's not _fine_ to have them come stare at you like a carnival freak and…" She drew a deep breath and finished in a more collected manner, "And I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

Erin bit back a sharp retort and instead shook her head again with a tired smile. "It must be convenient," she said softly. "Being able to speak an untruth without twisting words and making vague hints." He didn't seem to have anything to say to that, and Erin clasped her hands together to keep from reaching out to him. She wanted to hold him - but the glint in his eyes and the dark undercurrent of the bond communicated more than clearly enough that such advances would not be welcomed at this time. "I'm sorry," she said again, not entirely sure what she was apologising for, knowing only that the subject had changed far from Delaine or the convenience of not being bound by the First Oath.

"It's fine," he replied, this time sounding as if he meant it. Then, "You should probably go." There might have been a hint of regret in his voice, but Erin couldn't be sure. The bond was a jumble of exhausted confusion on both sides and as such not very helpful.

"Yes. I guess I should." She turned to go, but then remembered something and stopped at the door. "Two days," she said. "Until the trial. Logain told me."

The bond went still; that was the only word she could think of to describe the feeling that overcame everything else the bond carried over from him, _stillness_. "Two days," he repeated, as if tasting the words. There was no fear nor hope, no anxiety nor anticipation, just that stillness, like the surface of a lake on a day without wind. "Thank you."

Erin gave a short, humourless laugh. "Don't thank me yet," she said, trying to make her voice light, then wondering at the point of wasting energy on such an act when he knew exactly how she really felt. And then there just didn't seem to be anything more to say.

* * *

The following day Erin continued trying to work together a defence for Taim. She knew there wasn't much she could say - nothing he had done after the war was in any way sufficient to balance out the atrocities he had committed during and before the war and everybody knew that. She was aware that she must be really trying the patience of the people around her - mainly Corele and Flinn, occasionally Sarielle, although the Blue sister didn't want anything to do with Taim - but she couldn't afford to accept that there was nothing she could do. She visited the Black Tower again, but Logain was too busy to see her and the Asha'man wouldn't let her into the dungeons without Logain's authorisation.

And she spoke with Delaine Taborwin. Erin still couldn't decide whether she liked the White sister or not, but ultimately it was irrelevant. If Delaine could come up with a logical argument in Taim's favour, anything else was of secondary importance. And while Delaine didn't seem entirely convinced that Taim should be freed, she was against the idea of execution. "It's too final," the White sister said as they were sitting in her apartment, sipping tea. Delaine's apartment had not only windows but a small balcony as well; the White Ajah had long been the smallest of the Ajahs and the sisters had plenty to choose from in terms of accommodation. She continued, "At worst we might be killing a man who truly has changed - I don't think such a thing can be evaluated in such a short time, even by someone like Lord Logain, who knew him well before."

A delicate snort from across the room drew Erin's attention to the young Asha'man lounging on the couch with a harp across his lap. He didn't seem to be particularly good at playing the instrument, judging by the simplicity of the melodies he tentatively teased out of it. Erin turned back to Delaine and said, "Your Warder appears to have an opinion."

The slightest frown creased the White sister's brow. "Yes, they do that sometimes, or so I've been told." Erin was still wondering whether the other woman was joking or serious when she continued, without looking at her Warder, "If you have something to contribute, Atal, do speak up."

The young man flashed an easy grin. "No, Aes Sedai," he said. "Apologies for the interruption." He focused his attention on the harp again, producing a melody that might or might not have been an attempt at _Coming Home from Tarwin's Gap_.

"He's learning manners," Delaine said after a moment, a touch of pride to her voice.

"And the harp," Erin added, unsure how to respond to such a statement about someone else's Warder.

A ghost of a smile passed across the White sister's lips and she nodded. "And the harp," she repeated. "For whatever good it'll be. Well, if it keeps him entertained and out of trouble, I shan't complain." This earned a low chuckle from Mishraile, but Delaine ignored it. "Regarding tomorrow," she said, all serious and businesslike again. "Your best hope is to convince Logain that he doesn't want to do anything… irreversible. Death sentence is hardly civilised when we have better options. They have an Oath Rod that works for men - where ever they pulled _that_ out of, I'd really like to know - that should make him harmless enough."

Erin suppressed a wry smile as she thought of how Taim would like being called _harmless_ , but she made no comment. "Is that what your Warder did? Swear the Three Oaths?" she asked instead.

"What? No, of course not," Delaine answered. "The Three Oaths are what make us Aes Sedai. He is no Aes Sedai. There have been no male Aes Sedai for three thousand years, and there won't be now, not for a long time yet if ever again. But there are different oaths, more specific, more useful for this kind of purpose."

"Of course," Erin said, mildly embarrassed. "I wasn't thinking."

A perfect eyebrow arched delicately. "Well, under the circumstances, I suppose that could be understandable," Delaine conceded, not sympathetically but as if the matter was of purely academic interest. "Just make sure you're thinking tomorrow."

* * *

The light of the tied-off weaves of Air and Fire flickered once, twice, then winked out, leaving Taim in complete darkness again. It was frustrating to watch when it would have been easy enough to tie the weaves in a slightly different way to make the light last almost twice longer. Taim wondered idly whether it was intentional or whether Logain just didn't know about the other way. Not that it mattered; there wasn't exactly anything to see in the cell and he didn't mind the darkness, really, just the time it took to get used to light again after the darkness once someone came to bring him the next dose of forkroot tea - and hopefully food, or what passed for food among the condemned.

This time he didn't have long to wait in the darkness, however, before he heard the key turning in the lock and the door opened. "Aren't you a bit early?" he asked, looking up…

"Get up," Logain said.

Taim got to his feet. Something in the other man's voice stopped him from voicing any of the questions running through his head. Logain gestured at him to follow, and he did, leaving the cell for the first time in… How long had it been? A week, two? He had no idea. It felt like years. It felt like a lifetime. Two Asha'man fell in behind him, both fully ranked with both the Sword and the Dragon pin on their collars. Taim didn't know either of them. They ignored him completely, or as completely as you can ignore someone you're guarding. Taim ignored them back.

Soon he began to wonder where he was being taken. He knew every inch of the Palace and could have navigated the corridors and hallways blindfolded and drunk, and this particular corridor led to… the bath chambers? _Oh, yes, please._ He had all but forgotten what 'clean' felt like. His escort stopped outside a door and Logain turned to face him. "You understand that it wouldn't reflect well on the reputation of the Black Tower if you looked like that at the trial tomorrow."

"Absolutely," Taim replied smoothly.

Logain looked like he suspected he was being mocked - which, for once, wasn't the case; all Taim wanted was that bath and a clean set of clothes - but let it lie. He shielded Taim and tied the shield off; had he been at his full strength, Taim would have been able to break through a tied-off shield given some time, but as it was, even Androl could have shielded him without too much effort. The precaution of shielding him at all seemed ridiculous, but it didn't particularly matter. "Don't take all day," Logain said, dry as dust. Then he turned to the two Asha'man and said, "You two have your orders. I'm sure I can trust you to remember them." Without waiting to acknowledge their answering salutes, he wheeled around and marched back the way they'd come.

The bath chamber had two large copper tubs, but only one was filled at this time. A gentle steam rose from the water. On a stool next to the tub there was a piece of soap and a comb, while the bench to the left of the door held a towel and a fresh set of clothes. Taim noted with mild amusement that there was no razor or a mirror or anything that could be used as a weapon - or to harm oneself. He wondered which potential use was the reason for the absence. Even Logain couldn't _really_ think he would try to attack channellers with only physical tools. Which begged the question, what _did_ Logain think… No. Best not ask that question. Taim undressed quickly and, keeping a wary eye on the door, stepped into the tub.

Not too much later, he was clean, wearing clean clothes - an unadorned, standard Asha'man uniform almost his size - and following his guards along the corridors again, but not back to the dungeons. No, instead he was led to the living quarters of the Palace and eventually to the door of the apartment that had used to be his own. His escort halted outside the door. Taim supposed it made sense that Logain would have taken over his old apartment; it was the biggest in the Palace, after all. But why would Logain summon him here? The door was opened and the guards followed him in. But there was no Logain. Not anybody at all, in fact. And the apartment didn't look like it had been lived in since the war. It didn't look _exactly_ as Taim had left it, because obviously it had been searched after Logain's followers had driven Taim and his men out, but some trivial things - a piece of parchment and a pen on the table, the bottle of ink unstoppered and probably dried up by now, a coat flung carelessly over the back of an armchair - were clearly left untouched after all this time.

Taim turned to face the guards, who had positioned themselves by the door. "Why am I-?" he began, but he was interrupted by the door opening again. This time it was a Dedicated carrying a tray with food and the already familiar cup of forkroot tea. Logain entered right behind the young man, who set the tray down on the table, saluted and left. "What are you playing at?" Taim asked once the Dedicated was gone.

Logain ignored the question. "Before you get any ideas," he said instead, "the secret passage from the bedroom has been blocked. Likewise the door to the balcony has been warded - I'll know instantly if you as much as try to open it. Same goes for breaking any windows, although I must say I don't expect you'll be desperate enough to go to such lengths. I'm just telling you to spare you the effort of thinking about it."

"How very kind of you," Taim replied, not bothering to rein in the sarcasm in his voice.

Logain ignored the remark as well. "Now," he went on, "should Erin Sedai show up tonight, would you rather she be turned away or not?"

The question caught Taim completely off guard; whatever he had been expecting, this was not it. _I don't care_ , he almost said, but then he realised that it wasn't true - or at least not the whole truth. Then he thought back to his chats with Logain during his imprisonment. It all came back to Erin, once again. Was this another test? Would he even know if he failed or passed? Why did Logain care? "Do as you wish," he finally said, carefully expressionless. "I will not turn down company, especially one that's capable of intelligent conversation, but why should you care?"

Logain simply nodded, as if satisfied with the answer, or perhaps as if it was what he had been expecting, and turned to the two Asha'man on guard. "See that he drinks the tea but otherwise don't bother him," he said and without another word to Taim he was gone again.

Taim picked up the teacup and raised it high as if making a toast. Two pairs of eyes stared back flatly, clearly unamused. Taim ignored them to the best of his ability and focused on the rest of the contents of the tray.

* * *

The knock on the door took Erin by surprise; she hadn't been expecting visitors. "Enter," she called and looked up as the door opened - and nearly dropped the book in her hands when she saw Logain Ablar. "Lord Logain," she said, forcing her voice calm and casual when she felt anything but. "What brings you here? No bad news, I hope?" The bond told her that Taim was alive and not under any dire stress, but much more than that she couldn't tell at this distance.

Logain made a soothing gesture. "No, everything is fine, Erin Sedai," he said. "It occurs to me that… ah, you tried to visit him earlier today. Seeing as the trial is tomorrow… If you still wanted to…"

Erin was on her feet before she could even think of moving. "Of course I do," she said. "Please. Take me to him."

She followed Logain to the Black Tower and to the Palace, but he didn't lead her down to the dungeons, and after a moment's confusion she realised that the bond didn't point there. No, Taim was in one of the upper levels of the Palace, and Logain was leading her straight to him. Finally there was a door guarded by two Asha'man, and Erin was suddenly afraid to knock. She didn't have to; Logain simply opened the door for her. "Enjo- ah, I mean, good night, Erin Sedai."

It took Erin a second to realise what he was implying, and when she did, her blush probably told him all he needed to know. She gathered the shreds of her dignity and replied, cool as a winter morning, "Good night, Lord Logain." Then she glided through the door, heard it close behind her, and looked around. The colour theme of the luxuriously furnished room hinted at Taim's reign, and the man himself was standing with his back towards the door - and Erin - staring out of one of the tall windows on the far side of the room.

"Do I want to know what Logain said to you just now?" Taim asked without turning.

"Probably not," Erin said. She walked closer, until she was standing next to her Warder. The window offered a view over the Black Tower grounds, the strange town growing quiet in the darkening evening. "Well, this is certainly an improvement…" she mused, nodding with her head towards the room behind them.

"This is where I used to live," Taim said. "And before you ask - no, I don't know why." Erin nodded. Several minutes passed in silence. Then Taim spoke again, "Why are you here?"

Erin froze for a moment until she realised that his tone wasn't accusatory, he didn't feel angry or annoyed. "Logain brought me," she said slowly. "I have no idea why… Don't suppose it's possible that you two have reached an understanding or something and I don't need to fear the trial tomorrow?"

Another man might have chuckled at that. Not Taim. "Hardly," he said dryly. "But that's not what I meant. So Logain sent for you. Why did you come?"

"Oh." Erin thought for a while. "I missed you," she said eventually. But Taim seemed to be expecting something else, something more. "You're my Warder." Still true but not the whole truth; Erin had the feeling that Taim knew she was holding back. "Very well, then. I love you. I didn't imagine I actually need to say it, but there you go."

"Yes, I suppose you think you do," Taim said after a while, still without looking at her. "But are you sure you don't just love the idea of me? Think about it, Erin. I'm not exactly a nice person. Even disregarding everything I've done. Are you sure you don't just want to save me? You think you love me, but let's for a moment pretend that I'm actually going to live past tomorrow… What then? What if, one day, I no longer need to be saved or… or fixed?"

Erin felt like she'd been punched in the gut. _What then?_ Of course she would still love him! She wasn't drawn to him just because he was somehow damaged, that had never been the case! Or… was it? She thought of her previous Warder. Taim was nothing like Josua, but there were parallels, parallels that were suddenly painfully clear. She shook her head mutely, and finally he turned to face her. His dark eyes were unreadable, his face impassive, and the bond wasn't much more informative.

A fleeting almost-smile twitched the corners of his mouth. "I'm not trying to criticise, Erin," he said. "Light knows we are what we are, and you're a Healer. Just… something for you to think about, perhaps before you pick your third Warder."

 _No, don't talk like that!_ But she didn't say that. Instead, she said, "Why are you telling me all this if you really are such a selfish, evil bastard?" She had intended it as a light, witty argument, but her voice betrayed her, sounding thin and brittle.

"It's amusing?" Taim offered.

"This is not funny," Erin snapped, or tried to, but the end of the sentence turned into an incoherent sob, and then she just couldn't stop crying, no matter how her brain was screaming at her that this was not the way to deal with Mazrim Taim. Dismay and irritation flooded the bond, and Erin turned away to try and regain composure… But his hands gripped her shoulders and turned her back, and then she was pulled into an embrace, hesitant at first but then solid and safe.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took forever, but here it is. The grand finale. Enjoy!

It was perhaps an hour or two before dawn. Taim stood by the window again, hands clasped behind his back, staring out into the darkness. He would have given a lot to be able to stroll out to the balcony for a breath of cool night air, but if what Logain had said about the wards was true, attempting to open the door would just summon Logain. Which might not have been all that bad - contrary to popular belief, he didn't _hate_ Logain - but Logain wouldn't come alone, and Taim didn't want to alarm Erin unduly. The Aes Sedai was finally asleep and she needed the rest. Taim himself didn't feel tired. Besides, Erin had the bed, and while it was plenty of wide enough for two to sleep in and maintain decency, Taim didn't feel comfortable with the idea of letting his guard down in the presence of, well, anyone. Which was a ridiculous sentiment considering that she was inside his head, the connection they shared was more intimate in its own way than that of lovers and between the bond and her natural sensitivity and perception there wasn't much he could hide from her.

He plucked idly at the sleeve of the plain black coat he had been given. Oh, his wardrobe was mostly intact and he hadn't been forbidden from wearing whatever he wanted, but the blue-and-gold dragons decorating the sleeves of his old coats no longer seemed like such a good idea. How exactly had it _ever_ been a good idea? He couldn't even remember if it had been his own design. He shook his head, mildly amused that of all the things he might be looking back upon with regret he was thinking of embroidery. Well, vanity had always been a part of him, long before the Shadow had stuck its claws into him.

Dawn crept closer and with it the trial. Of course he didn't know what time Logain was planning on holding the trial, but it was a reasonable assumption that he would want it over with sooner rather than later now that he seemed to have made his decision. Taim wondered again why it had taken so long, but then he supposed that Logain had needed to make his peace with something. That was a sentiment Taim could understand.

It was almost funny to think back to everything he had done to survive - not just swearing to the Shadow instead of telling Demandred to shove his offer where the sun doesn't shine, but already way before he had ever even dreamt that the Forsaken might walk the earth during his lifetime. Lying, thieving, murdering, hiding in abandoned farmsteads through harsh Saldaean winters - how many years? He had lost count at some point, and to be honest, he didn't want to remember. He had survived against all odds; he hadn't gone mad, he hadn't destroyed himself with the Power, he hadn't been caught by the White Tower. He still wasn't sure why he had bothered. It hadn't been much of a life. Had the Pattern made him keep living just to make him a false Dragon? Just to shove him onto the path that had led him to al'Thor, to Demandred, to the Pit of Doom itself? Did it have to be him or would any dumb country bumpkin have served the same purpose? He generally sneered at the very concept of _destiny_ , but the other option wasn't particularly flattering, either.

It was almost funny to think that after all he had done to survive, after dying once and being given a second chance, he was now almost eager for the end. Erin would never forgive him if he told her that - and he wasn't sure but he suspected that it was one thing he had managed to hide from her, that he truly didn't see much point in his continued existence. He wasn't in that dark place he had reached that night in the North Harbour, or the night he had revealed the truth of his memory to Flinn in order to save Erin's life. No, he was just… ready to let go.

* * *

The sky outside the window was beginning to lighten when Erin woke up. The bond told her that Taim was awake, and not in the bedroom. He felt calm and thoughtful, not in the least anxious about the upcoming trial. Erin smiled wryly at herself; she was plenty of anxious enough for the both of them. She got out of the bed - noting that his side didn't look slept in - and draped a black silk dressing robe over her shift. The robe was way too big for her - obviously - but she didn't care.

She found Taim in the sitting room, looking out of the window. "Have you been here all night?"

"No, I've been to Tear and back thrice," he replied dryly, without turning to look at her.

Erin rolled her eyes - a gesture that was lost on him considering he didn't have eyes on his back. "That's not what I meant."

"I know."

A silence descended, heavy but not exactly uncomfortable. Erin came up beside him, and after a moment he put his arm around her shoulders. The gesture was unexpected but all the more precious for it, even though the bond didn't reflect the kind of affection that such a gesture might normally display. It was fine, though. Erin had learnt to tone down her expectations regarding Taim showing - or _having_ \- human emotions, and she found it encouraging that on some level he cared enough to go through the motions even if the actual sentiment eluded him. She wanted to believe that it meant that he wasn't beyond redemption.

There was a brief flicker of amusement across the bond. "Black doesn't suit you," Taim said when she gave him a questioning look.

"Oh." She was suddenly embarrassed about taking the robe; she should have just got dressed properly. What had she been thinking? Not like an Aes Sedai, that was for sure. They were an Aes Sedai and a Warder, not lovers, and while the two weren't mutually exclusive - as many Greens could prove - he had made it more than clear enough that it would never be that way between them.

Taim, of course, interpreted the sudden embarrassment in a different context. "…It's not _that_ bad," he said, sounding mildly confused.

Not about to correct him, Erin merely nodded. The silence that followed didn't have time to stretch on for long before there was a knock on the door, and then the door opened behind them. Tension flooded the bond, but Taim didn't withdraw his arm as he turned to look over his shoulder. Irritation spiked and was forced down again. "Just leave it there," he said in the kind of casually commanding manner that not only demanded but fully expected obedience. There was a sound of a tray being set on the table. After a while Erin realised that she hadn't heard whomever had brought the tray leave. Taim must have realised the same because he turned again, stepping away from the window - and Erin - and crossed his arms. "Was there something else?"

"I have instructions to stay and make sure you drink the tea," the short, dark-haired Asha'man replied, his expression blank enough to make an Aes Sedai envious.

Irritation turned to cold anger, but then Taim strode over and picked up the tea cup, raised it as if making a toast and drank the tea. And then, in a sudden burst of movement, he threw the empty cup at the wall, where the fine porcelain shattered into pieces with a crashing sound. This elicited a reaction from the Asha'man, who took a step forward and probably seized _saidin_ if he hadn't already been holding it, but Taim ignored him. Instead he stared for a moment at the scattered pieces of porcelain, the anger fading to an icy undercurrent across the bond, then he shook his head and made a dismissive gesture. "Was there something else?" he repeated slowly in a cold voice.

The Asha'man stared for a moment longer, looking slightly bewildered, before replying. "No, sir," he said, half-saluted before remembering that he probably wasn't supposed to, and made a hurried exit.

Erin watched as Taim half-fell, half-sat down in the nearest armchair; the bond was growing fuzzy and unfocused as the fresh dose of forkroot began to take effect. "You'd imagine they could bother with a shield today and not resort to… this…" he muttered wryly. "But I guess not. Seems just plain lazy to me." He was having trouble articulating clearly towards the end of the sentence, a fact which clearly annoyed him to no end. He gestured at the tray, which still held breakfast for two; bread, cheese, olives, dried fruit and a pot of regular tea. "Do help yourself, Erin. I won't… be much good… for conversation, I'm afraid…"

"Yes, tell me something I don't know," Erin replied with what she hoped translated into a mental eyeroll over the bond. The comment was met with a brief flash of amusement, but Taim was no longer capable of answering and Erin turned her attention to the breakfast.

* * *

Taim didn't hear the knock on the door but he felt the change in the bond, the sudden tension and anxiety blooming in the back of his mind. He fought to open his eyes, to focus enough to hear what was going on in the room around him, to gain any sort of hold on reality through the drug-infused fog filling his head. He had no idea how long he had been out but it couldn't have been long because he was still feeling the effects of the forkroot so strongly.

He could hear Erin speaking, but it took a while longer before he could make out the words. Another voice replied and after a moment Taim recognised it as Logain's. "One hour," the leader of the Black Tower said. "He'll be fine by then."

"What if he's not?" Erin demanded. "Will you drag him to stand trial like that?"

"Look, Aes Sedai, I know how forkroot works and I know the dose wasn't strong enough to-"

"Oh, do you now? Did you perhaps prepare the tea yourself?"

There was an undercurrent of wry amusement in Logain's voice when he spoke again, closer this time. "No, I did not," he said. "But if you quit glaring at me for a second and paid some attention you might notice that he's awake already. And you're the one bonded to him…"

"And thank the Light for that," Taim muttered. He forced his eyes open to find Logain towering over him, until Erin pushed past the Asha'man, looking down at him with worry painted all over her features. Taim managed a brief almost-smile. "Logain is right." There was a sound that might have been a not-quite-suppressed chuckle, which Taim ignored. "I'm fine." That might have been a slight exaggeration, but he would be, soon enough.

Erin glanced sharply at Logain, then looked back at Taim again. "Very well, Lord Logain," she said. "One hour. I suppose you will send for us when it is time."

* * *

In an hour's time they were escorted to the Hall of Judgement. The Hall itself was largely as Taim remembered it; austere, black, with a throne-like chair for the judge on a dais at the end of the hall, a clear space in the middle for the accused to stand in and rows of benches for the audience lining the walls. Today the Hall was filled to the brim. Taim couldn't remember ever seeing as many people squeezed on the benches, and certainly never so many who didn't wear the Asha'man black. It seemed like Logain was doing his utmost to be diplomatic; without counting, it seemed like approximately half the people crowding the Hall were Asha'man and the other half consisted of Aes Sedai and Warders.

He tried not to look at the people staring at him as he was led to stand before the dais but short of closing his eyes - which would have been ridiculous - he couldn't avoid seeing familiar faces in the crowd. There was Damer Flinn and his Aes Sedai, Corele. There, Atal Mishraile and Delaine Taborwin. Jur Grady and Fager Neald, both of whom had been among the first of his students back when the Black Tower had been nothing but a farm conveniently out of the way where a group of male channellers could gather relatively in peace. Androl Genhald and Pevara Tazanovni. Sarielle Teorin and Alinsar Zarac. Jonneth Dowtry next to a dark-haired young woman wearing a blue-fringed shawl. Elayne Trakand was there as well, with one of her Queen's Guard standing beside the bench on either side of her, her beautiful face frozen in an impassive mask but with a cold fire in her blue eyes. Erin, who had quietly taken a seat between Corele and Delaine.

Logain was seated on the judge's chair, somehow managing to look more regal in his plain black Asha'man uniform than any monarch Taim had ever seen. He had a presence that radiated authority, and the stern yet calm look on his face made him look like justice himself. He waited for the murmur of voices - triggered by Taim's entrance - to die down before he spoke. "Mazrim Taim," he began without preamble, "you stand accused of numerous crimes against the Light, including murder, torture, forcibly turning channellers to the Shadow. How do you plead?"

"Guilty." He barely resisted making a wry remark about the ridiculousness of the whole question; he knew it was just a formality, that Logain believed in doing things properly. The mental equivalent of a warning glare across the bond told him that Erin didn't have a whole lot of faith in his restraint, or perhaps common sense.

"And do you wish to say anything in your defence?" Logain asked, his voice perfectly impersonal.

"I do not," Taim replied.

Logain looked past him at the gathered crowd. "Does anyone else wish to speak in his defence?"

For a while the silence was deafening. Then, Erin's voice. "I would speak in his defence." She sounded calm, which, Taim reflected, must have been quite an accomplishment considering the overwhelming anxiety flooding the bond. "This man has committed terrible crimes," she went on when Logain gestured for her to continue, "that cannot be argued. But killing him will not bring back those who lost their lives because of his actions. You would only sentence another man to death. What would anyone gain by that? Vengeance? Justice? Do you really think he values his life enough for death to be a punishment?" She didn't look at Taim, she kept his eyes firmly on Logain, but Taim felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Erin went on, "'Death is lighter than a feather'," she quoted in a soft voice. "No, my Lord Logain, the only one you would be punishing by sentencing Mazrim Taim to death… is me."

There was no way to tell whether the speech had made an impression; Logain was still as a statue, until he spoke again. "Does anyone else have anything to contribute?"

People spoke, one by one, most of them in favour of execution, repeating half a dozen different variations of the sentiment that he simply did not deserve to live. Some were against the death sentence - Flinn spoke of wasted resources, how his strength could be harnessed to be of use in the rebuilding process; Delaine Taborwin spoke of the logic in both Flinn and Erin's arguments; a Brown Aes Sedai Taim had never met spoke of all the knowledge that would die with him if he was executed. Taim wasn't sure what knowledge the Aes Sedai thought he possessed, but the argument was feeble as it was. He quit listening after a while and focused on trying to look like the outcome didn't concern him in the least. It was not easy with the knot of Erin's emotions at the back of his mind swinging wildly between crushing despair, determination and hope. He looked at her once and was almost surprised to see that outwardly her Aes Sedai calm was unbreakable.

Finally it seemed like everyone who wanted to speak had had their chance and all that was left was for Logain to make the decision - although Taim had the growing feeling that the decision had been made for a while already. The Hall of Justice was silent as a tomb. Then, "Mazrim Taim, I sentence you…" the slightest hesitation, one that most people wouldn't have even registered, "to live." The silence gained a shocked undertone and a wave of whispers rose, but Logain ignored it and went on. "You will remain bonded to Erin Davian of the Yellow Ajah, and furthermore, you will be bound to oaths sworn on a binding rod."

Logain kept speaking but Taim no longer heard him. _I sentence you to live._ The words echoed in his head, drowning out the world around him. He only realised that Logain had finished speaking because his guards prodded him towards the exit. The shocked silence was turning into a growing din of voices, some of which sounded like they were protesting and others just confused, but Taim couldn't make out the words, couldn't summon the focus to even try. He was dimly aware of Erin through the bond - the dizzying relief and joy - but couldn't spare the energy to look at her as the guards escorted him out. _I sentence you to live._ Somehow, Logain's little chats with him had led the new leader of the Black Tower to this decision. _Damn you, Logain. It was supposed to end. It was supposed to be over…_ The doors to the Hall of Justice closed behind him and his escort, shutting off most of the noise. Logain would pay for his decision - people wouldn't just accept it without making a fuss - and Taim had no idea why he had made it.

* * *

Erin followed the old Asha'man called Emarin - she didn't need the escort, she could have followed the bond straight to Taim, but apparently she was not to wander the Black Tower without one. She was taken back to the rooms where she and Taim had spent the previous night. "What will happen now?" she asked Emarin before the Asha'man left her at the door.

"Logain will be conferring with some of your sisters to decide the exact wording of the oaths your Warder will swear," he replied. "Once that's done and the oaths are in place, you'll be free to take him home, though Light only knows why you would want to." He smiled to show that he meant no offence but it wasn't a joke and Erin knew it.

Erin returned the smile, grateful for the Asha'man's polite manner. She thanked him and entered the room. Two Asha'man were standing guard inside, on either side of the door, looking more like stern-faced statues than living men. Taim was standing by the windows - as far from his guards as you could get without leaving the room - staring out, hands clasped behind his back. Erin had to resist running to him; instead she glided across the room to stand beside him. He gave no outward sign of being aware of her presence but the bond told her that he had noticed her. Beyond that, the bond wasn't being very helpful; he had had time to regain his composure and as always kept a tight leash on his emotions. Back in the courtroom, when Logain had announced the sentence, he had been rapidly spiralling down into that dark mental space she'd come to recognise. Now he just felt… resigned, somehow. And that scared her almost as much as the darkness.

"So," she said after a while of not-quite-comfortable silence. "Looks like you'll be stuck with me a while longer."

Something wry surfaced from the depths of the weary apathy. "Isn't that my line?"

"I said it first so you'll have to think of something else." He said nothing and so Erin went on, "You don't seem too happy about the outcome of the trial. Mazrim… I know my defence speech wasn't much of a defence, but I thought it was the best way to get through to Logain, and I don't know if it worked but does it matter? You're going to live. That's what matters… You have a chance to…"

"Are you listening to yourself?" he asked quietly. "Every word you said out there was true. Obviously you must have known it because you were able to speak them. And now you wonder why I'm not happy that my life was spared?" His voice took on a cruel edge as he added, "Do I look like I value my life enough for death to be a punishment?"

Erin shook her head with a sad smile. "No, Mazrim, but I was hoping that you might not outright hate it, either." He didn't seem to have anything to say to that. "It's not like you haven't had the opportunity if you really wanted to die; you've had plenty. And as it turned out that you could channel, I couldn't have even stopped you. So don't you dare resent Logain for not doing it for you. Don't you think you have done enough damage to him?"

Taim finally looked at her, frowning, confusion flooding the bond. "Damage..?"

"In case you weren't aware, killing people isn't good for you," Erin said, a touch more sharply than intended. "No matter how much you know they deserve to die - or don't deserve to live - it leaves a scar. People are not meant to kill people. And for you to force his hand like that, to make him do it just because you can't live with all the things you've done, is just downright cowardly and selfish and I'm not letting you do that to him."

"I'm sure he appreciates your concern," Taim replied with heavy sarcasm. "But you're wrong about one thing. Well," he added, "at least one thing."

"Really?"

He looked away again and somehow the gesture created a distance between them, one that mere physical closeness couldn't bridge. "Even as you call me selfish and a coward, you still think too highly of me," he said, voice tinged with cold amusement and contempt he didn't feel. "You think I can't live with what I've done? That I'm overwhelmed with regrets, to the point of wanting to die?" He shook his head. "I wish that was the case. Truth is I barely know what _regret_ feels like. I have hated myself, and I have hated the circumstances, I've hated the Wheel itself, and now… I'm tired, Erin. I should have stayed dead. It should have been over when your girl Amyrlin sacrificed herself to defeat me. It was a suitably dramatic way to go, don't you think?" The attempt at humour was feeble at best. "Second chances are nice in theory, but how often do they actually work out?"

The question was clearly rhetorical and Erin didn't bother trying to answer. And before she could think of anything else to say, either, the door opened behind them and Emarin announced that it was time.

* * *

Logain's study wasn't as full of people as Taim had expected, but then again it made sense that Logain would want to keep the drama to a minimum now that the trial itself was over and done with. Androl and Pevara were there, of course, and Jonneth Dowtry, as well as Delaine Taborwin - with Mishraile, of course - and another Aes Sedai wearing a white-fringed shawl, the Brown sister who had spoken in Taim's defence during the trial, a Grey sister Taim had never met who hadn't spoken a word for or against, and Corele and Flinn. The White Tower was surprisingly well-represented - although on the second thought, perhaps it shouldn't have been surprising. The Black Tower would ultimately stand by whatever decision Logain made; it was the White Tower that needed to be convinced that the oaths would be enough to render him harmless.

 _Harmless._ He was fast developing an intense dislike for the whole word.

The binding rod was brought in and the oaths spelt out for him; to not perform any action harmful to either the Black or the White Tower, to not use the One Power as a weapon except in defence of his Aes Sedai or another sister or their Warder or against a Darkfriend or shadowspawn, and to obey Erin Sedai absolutely. Taim did not swear under the Light and by the hope of salvation and rebirth; Light had abandoned him the day he had turned his back to it and it was going to take a while to get reacquainted, and he didn't much care for the thought of rebirth as it was. The binding rod didn't require such words, anyway, to make an oath binding. The sensation of the oaths settling in was not a comfortable one, neither physically nor mentally; he hadn't really been planning on doing anything that the oaths prohibited, but now it was no longer his choice but something he was forced to live by. Surprisingly, the oath to obey Erin, while potentially the most restrictive, bothered him the least.

"A word with your Warder, if you please, Erin Sedai," Logain said as people were leaving and Taim was about to follow Erin out.

Erin arched an eyebrow but Logain didn't explain. "Very well," she said. "But be quick about it. I'm not waiting around in the hallway all day."

Alone with Logain, Taim couldn't summon the energy to keep up the arrogant facade. "What do you want?" he asked, aiming for a challenging tone but managing to sound merely sullen. "Missing our little chats already?"

Logain gave him a flat look. "Trust me, I can't wait to see you gone," he said. "But there is someone who wants to meet you and this was the easiest way to arrange it without causing… an incident." Logain regarded him for a while in silence, as if evaluating a risk. "I'm not sure how much you'd be able to channel right now, but just don't, alright?" He waited for Taim to nod before weaving a gateway. "The coast is clear," he said to whoever was waiting on the other side.

A tall, black-haired man stepped through. Taim froze as he saw the deceptively youthful face that belonged to the _nae'blis_ , Moridin. The Forsaken smiled as he saw that Taim had recognised him. Taim resisted the urge to seize _saidin_ ; he couldn't match Moridin in strength on a good day, let alone still half dosed on forkroot as he was. His mind was racing wildly, trying to think of a logical explanation. How had the _nae'blis_ made it out of Shayol Ghul alive? Why was _Logain_ working with him? But he schooled his face into an impassive mask, forced his hands to be still, prepared to weather whatever punishment the highest of the Forsaken might decide to inflict on a whim. " _Nae'blis_ ," he said, inclining his head slightly in what the other man might interpret as a bow if it suited him.

"Don't be an idiot, Taim," Moridin replied in a voice that was Moridin's, no doubt, but also didn't sound like Moridin at all. The accent was all wrong and the tone of voice even more so. He must have seen Taim's confusion for he turned to Logain and said, "You didn't tell him, did you?"

Logain made a half-hearted shrug, looking mildly embarrassed, of all things. "I doubt he would have believed me," he said. "I know I'm still having some trouble with that."

Moridin gave the leader of the Black Tower a look that finally helped Taim connect the dots; he very well remembered having variations of that same look directed at him and not by Moridin but… "My Lord Dragon," he said, hearing the disbelief in his own voice. "You're… alive?"

Moridin looked at him but it was Rand al'Thor who spoke, "'To live, you must die.' That's what I was told, and it turned out to be true." A frown that was very much al'Thor creased Moridin's brow. "You, however, have no excuse that I'm aware of."

 _Told by whom?_ No, that wasn't important. _Focus, Taim._ "And you… wished to see me?"

Al'Thor gave him an amused look. "Oh, we've met before," he said. "Or do you not _remember_?"

The evening at _The Red Rooster_ , waiting for Estevan Marle, flashed before Taim's eyes. "You were the flutist," he said slowly. A thought hit him. "Did you interfere with my memory? Why?"

"I may have had something to do with them returning, if that's what you mean," al'Thor replied wryly. "But as for them missing in the first place, I'm not taking responsibility for that. I didn't even know you were alive until that night. And as for the why… I suspect it was going to happen sooner or later, and overall it was probably better sooner."

 _Oh._ "And what do you want now?" Taim asked, still too stunned to quite know how to react, which might have been for the best all things considered. "Shall I kneel again?"

"Don't be an idiot," al'Thor said again, a touch of impatience to his - Moridin's - voice. "That's not why I'm here, and besides, it wasn't worth much the last time around, was it? No, don't answer that," he added with a dismissive gesture. "I am not entirely without blame in how things turned out - but, blood and ashes, Taim, you couldn't have picked a slightly less disastrous way of seeking attention?"

 _Seeking-!?_ He swallowed half a dozen sharp retorts, trying to clamp down on his anger so as not to alarm Erin. Then he happened to look at Logain, who looked like he couldn't decide whether he should be amused or preparing for the worst, and that helped him take a step back and calm down. "Well, whatever it is, you might want to get to the point. Erin is getting impatient."

A small smile that looked eerily like the Moridin Taim had known flashed across the man's face. "There's something that needs to be done," he said cryptically. "I suppose Erin will have to come with us, because if I know Aes Sedai at all, she'll have a fit if she finds you gone without a warning."

"Gone where, exactly?" Taim asked, but al'Thor ignored the question.

"Logain, bring Erin Sedai in, if you will."

"Going _where_?" Taim repeated sharply, trying to shake the feeling that this had all happened before, but then Erin was there, concern and irritation warring for dominance over the bond, and he had to leave off questioning al'Thor for now.

"Who's he?" she asked quietly, nodding towards al'Thor. "Mazrim, what's going on?"

"He's…" Taim wasn't sure how much he should tell Erin; obviously al'Thor being alive was not common knowledge and probably should stay that way. "Someone I used to know," he said. "Don't ask more, not now at least. Please."

Meanwhile, al'Thor was speaking to Logain. "You may come along if you wish, of course, but it's not necessary. Either way, I will have to ask you for a gateway."

Logain nodded. "It seems to me I'm due a visit to Malkier, anyway, if only to see how the lads are doing with the construction work up there…"

"Very well," al'Thor said with a grin. "Shall we, then? We don't want to keep her waiting."

"Keep whom waiting?" Erin asked at the same time as Taim, gaining an amused look from Logain.

Al'Thor, however, just said, "You will see soon enough, Erin Sedai. Logain, that gateway..?"

They emerged through the gateway into what looked like an out of the way corner of a palace courtyard. A man in Asha'man black jumped as Logain addressed him. "We have an appointment with Her Majesty," Logain said. "If you will lead the way..?"

Taim listened with half an ear as Logain asked the Asha'man for a report on the progress of the rebuilding of Malkier while he led them into the palace, which itself seemed quite finished. _Malkier._ The name had been a legend and a tragedy for longer than Taim had been alive. Most Borderlanders had dreamed of seeing the Seven Towers rise again and the Thousand Lakes cleansed of the poison of the Blight, but how many, he wondered, had ever truly believed it was possible? Yet, now… He felt Erin's feeling of wonder and could guess that her thoughts were running along the same lines.

Finally their escort stopped behind a door where two soldiers stood guard, the Golden Crane worn proudly on the left breast of their uniform. "Will you announce that Logain Ablar and his companions are here," the Asha'man said. "They are being expected." One of the soldiers did, and reappeared almost instantly to usher them in.

The room was large yet somehow cosy, elegantly furnished in light colours, lit by sunlight from the tall windows that almost made up the whole wall facing west with a magnificent view over the city that was still largely under construction. Beyond the city walls, some of the thousand lakes reflected the brilliant blue sky in contrast to the land surrounding them, which was… _green_. This was what Blight had become?

"Not Blight anymore, master Taim," a woman's voice said proudly. "This is Malkier."

Startled, Taim looked towards the source of the voice and saw a woman, as short as Erin, with dark hair barely past her shoulders, dressed in a yellow silk gown fit for a queen - which the delicate diadem upon her head and the _ki'sain_ between her brows told him she was. He made a careful bow. "Forgive me, Your Highness."

Dark eyes regarded him steadily for a moment before she replied, "I'll think about that."

"Your Highness," Logain addressed Queen el'Nynaeve of Malkier, "I'm sure you know why we're here…"

The Queen nodded. "I do indeed," she said sharply. "And I must say that the thought of helping the man who killed Egwene is not one I would normally entertain… However, I am doing this as a favour to an old friend." She turned to Taim and pointed imperiously at a chair next to her. "Sit."

Taim wasn't sure what he had expected, but he was fairly sure this was not it. He looked at Erin, but while she felt as confused as he was, she just said, "Do as she tells you." And the oath of obedience kicked in and before he could think, Taim found himself sitting before the young Queen. He had barely time to begin to feel annoyed before the Queen laid her hands on him and the chill of Delving ran through him.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "There's nothing wrong with me…"

"Be quiet," Nynaeve muttered distractedly, and as per Erin's orders, Taim couldn't do anything but obey. So he sat still, wondering whether Erin, who was able to see the weaves of _saidar_ being used, had already figured out what was going on. And then the sudden sense of understanding across the bond told him that she just had. He would have asked but the command to be quiet still held him - and the look of singular focus on the Queen's face made him think twice about interrupting her. There was an intensity to Nynaeve Mandragoran that was rare in an Aes Sedai, or at the very least it was usually hidden beneath layers upon layers of the fabled Aes Sedai serenity. "Oh, for Light's sake…" she muttered after a while, then took a step back and fixed a withering stare at Taim, as if she took whatever she had found as a personal insult. "How long had you been channelling before we cleansed _saidin_?"

Taim shrugged. "Ten years, give or take."

"That certainly explains…" Nynaeve muttered half under her breath. "Erin, I need a circle." Nothing happened that Taim could see, but then the Queen set to work again. Taim couldn't say how long it took - it might have been minutes or hours - but finally the Queen stepped back, swaying with exhaustion. Al'Thor rushed to steady her and help her into another chair, asking if she was alright, which she waved aside with an impatient gesture. Erin felt exhausted as well; the amount of Power Nynaeve had been drawing through her must have been close to the limits of what Erin could safely hold. And as for what they had done…

At first he didn't feel any different. But then he began to notice the small details - the sunlight streaming through the windows seemed brighter, colours seemed sharper, the sound of people's voices less grating. It almost felt as if an oppressive weight or a smothering shroud had been lifted and suddenly it was easier to breathe. Then everything seemed to crash down upon him at once; the guilt he had never been able to truly feel, the bitterness, the disappointments, the self-loathing accumulated over the years, everything that had become a part of him to the extent that he had barely even noticed them anymore, all that welled inside him now like a rising tide, threatening to pull him under. And Erin… Out of nowhere she was there, holding him, and her love - love that he didn't deserve, love that he didn't know how to deal with - provided the anchor he needed, as if striving to balance out everything else.

Slowly he became aware of his surroundings again. Nynaeve was speaking to Erin, "…Did work, the madness caused by the taint is gone, I told you that already." She sounded mildly exasperated but her voice was surprisingly gentle. "However, it was bad. Not the worst case I've seen, that would not have been Healable, but it was bad. How his mind will adjust to the change… That is anyone's guess."

Concern and determination flooded the bond. "I see."

"Is that what you did?" Taim asked. He was dismayed at the sound of his own voice, thin and brittle, but went on anyway. "Healed the madness?" He opened his eyes to find the Queen - and everyone else in the room - watching him with varying degrees of concern or wariness.

"Yes," Nynaeve replied. "How are you feeling?" But without waiting for an answer she turned to Erin and repeated the question, "How is he feeling?"

"Confused," Erin said. "And confusing." She was still stroking his hair soothingly, and he wanted to tell her to quit embarrassing him before Logain and al'Thor and the bloody Queen of Malkier, but he didn't think he could trust his voice. Somewhat belatedly he realised that there were tears running down his cheeks, and no way to discreetly wipe them away. Erin spoke again, "I am grateful for what you've done, Your Highness, and if there is ever anything I can do to repay you, know that you need only to ask. But now, could I take him home? This has been a long day, for both of us."

"Yes, that would be best," Nynaeve agreed. "Master Logain, can you Travel from here or would you rather go back to the Travelling grounds?"

"Here is fine."

"And you," Nynaeve turned to al'Thor, who had been following the proceedings mostly in silence. "You're not going anywhere before Lan has met you. In fact, you're staying for dinner."

Al'Thor grinned and made an exaggerated, courtly bow. "As Your Highness commands."

Logain wove the gateway to Tar Valon, but before following him through, Taim turned to al'Thor one more time. "I don't think you ever answered my question; why are you helping me?"

The man wearing Moridin's face shrugged. "Call it a whim," he said lightly. Then something more serious flashed in the deep blue eyes. "And you could say you… remind me of someone I used to know, a _long_ time ago, if you know what I mean."

He was clearly not going to elaborate on that, and so Taim followed Erin through the gateway to the White Tower Travelling grounds. Logain left them there, making another gateway for himself back to the Black Tower. Taim squinted his eyes against the glare of the sun; judging by its position, the afternoon was just turning into evening. Erin took his hand. "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus virtual cookies to anyone who figures out who Rand is referring to by the "someone I used to know" there at the end. x)


End file.
